It has been proven that smoking kills. In some countries, it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Smoking is dangerous and injurious to health. Some countries have taken a forward step and banned smoking in all public places except designated areas. I strongly agree that all countries should make such rules to safeguard the lives of people.
Everyone agrees to the fact that smoking is very harmful. It not only badly affects the health of smokers but also other people around him/her, mainly due to cigarette smoke. Applying the rules to smoke only in certain public areas will protect the non-smokers. Further, some people have allergies with smoke. Smoking in a public area may unintentionally trigger their allergic reactions which could be fatal. Moreover, specified smoking areas are designed in such a way that these areas would not have anything which could easily catch fire, so remains of cigarette litter may not be harmful.
Regardless of the country boundaries, this rule has already been applied by some industries like civil aviation. Smoking is prohibited on all passenger flights. Smoke detectors have already in place on all planes. Even plane lavatories have smoke detectors. Similarly, within the country boundaries, some organisations have implemented these rules, like a private bus system. Smoking is not allowed while people are on board. People are also not allowed to smoke while they are sitting on their desk in their offices. A place outside the office building usually alongside the parking is specified for smoking.
In the end, it is concluded that lawmakers of each country should make these rules to banish the smoking except in some specific areas mentioned earlier.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. More natural phrase Original: injurious to health Suggested revision: harmful to health Why it matters: The phrase is understandable but dated and less natural.
- 2. Collocation Original: taken a forward step Suggested revision: taken a positive step Why it matters: This is a more natural collocation.
- 3. Preposition error Original: agrees to the fact Suggested revision: agrees with the fact Why it matters: Use "agree with" before a fact or statement.
- 4. Plural reference Original: other people around him/her Suggested revision: other people around them Why it matters: Use a neutral plural pronoun for people in general.
- 5. Collocation Original: allergies with smoke Suggested revision: allergies to smoke Why it matters: The usual collocation is "allergic to" or "allergies to".
- 6. Missing preposition Original: except designated areas Suggested revision: except in designated areas Why it matters: The preposition is needed after "except" here.
- 7. Missing verb Original: Smoke detectors have already in place Suggested revision: Smoke detectors are already in place Why it matters: The sentence needs the verb "are".
- 8. Awkward transition Original: Regardless of the country boundaries Suggested revision: Beyond national laws Why it matters: This transition is clearer and less wordy.
- 9. Number agreement Original: on their desk Suggested revision: at their desks Why it matters: Use plural "desks" and the preposition "at".
- 10. Natural wording Original: alongside the parking Suggested revision: near the parking area Why it matters: This sounds more natural.
- 11. Wrong verb Original: banish the smoking Suggested revision: ban smoking Why it matters: "Banish" is not the right verb for a law or rule.
- 12. Cleaner phrase Original: except in some specific areas Suggested revision: except in specific areas Why it matters: Remove unnecessary "some".
Suggested Rewrites
- injurious to health harmful to health
- taken a forward step taken a positive step
- agrees to the fact agrees with the fact
- other people around him/her other people around them
- allergies with smoke allergies to smoke
- except designated areas except in designated areas
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The position is clear and the essay gives relevant reasons for banning smoking in public places, though some examples become descriptive rather than fully argumentative.
Develop each reason by explaining how the rule protects the wider public, not just by listing places where bans exist.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and progression is mostly logical, but the third paragraph moves through aviation, buses, desks, and parking areas without a strong controlling point.
Begin each body paragraph with a clear claim and use examples only to support that claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally sufficient, with some effective topic words, but there are awkward collocations and imprecise verbs.
Replace memorised or unnatural phrases with precise legal and health vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly controlled, but article use, prepositions, and verb forms still cause noticeable errors.
Check articles before abstract nouns and use complete verb phrases.