The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In recent years, online shopping has become increasingly popular, leading to concerns that traditional brick-and-mortar shops will eventually disappear from towns and cities. While it is true that online shopping has many advantages and will be more prevalent in the future, I do not believe that it will lead to the extinction of physical stores.
One reason why I disagree with this idea is that many people still prefer to shop in person, and this trend will continue in the future. For instance, some individuals may want to try on clothes or see products in person before purchasing them. Moreover, shopping can also be a social activity, allowing people to spend time with friends or family while browsing the aisles of a store. While online shopping may be convenient, it cannot provide the same kind of experience as shopping in person.
Furthermore, there are some goods and services that simply cannot be provided online. For example, certain types of food, like fresh produce, are best bought in person to ensure quality and freshness. Additionally, some services, like haircuts or medical treatments, require physical presence and cannot be completed online. As such, there will always be a need for physical stores to provide these goods and services.
In conclusion, while online shopping has become increasingly popular in recent years, I do not believe that it will lead to the closure of all traditional stores all over the country. There will always be a demand for physical shopping experiences, as well as for goods and services that cannot be provided online.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Sharper causal link Original: leading to concerns that Suggested revision: prompting concerns that Why it matters: This wording expresses the connection to public concern more directly.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: brick-and-mortar shops Suggested revision: physical shops Why it matters: The shorter term is precise and consistent with the rest of the response.
- 3. Temper reported concern Original: will eventually disappear Suggested revision: may eventually disappear Why it matters: The modal accurately frames this outcome as a concern rather than a certainty.
- 4. Stronger verb choice Original: has many advantages Suggested revision: offers many advantages Why it matters: The collocation with offers is more natural and concise.
- 5. Avoid repeated futurity Original: will be more prevalent in the future Suggested revision: is likely to become more prevalent Why it matters: This version expresses a prediction without repeating a future time marker.
- 6. Prefer literal wording Original: extinction of physical stores Suggested revision: disappearance of physical stores Why it matters: Disappearance is a more natural term for the possible loss of shops.
- 7. Clarify reference Original: this idea Suggested revision: this prediction Why it matters: The replacement identifies the preceding claim more precisely.
- 8. Vary key wording Original: many people still prefer to shop in person Suggested revision: in-person shopping remains popular with many people Why it matters: This revision reduces repetition of the verb shop while preserving the claim.
- 9. Use specific noun Original: some individuals Suggested revision: some shoppers Why it matters: Shoppers identifies the relevant group more precisely.
- 10. Clarify pronoun reference Original: before purchasing them Suggested revision: before making a purchase Why it matters: The revision removes a potentially loose pronoun reference.
- 11. Strengthen internal progression Suggested revision: Arrange the examples from practical product inspection to the broader social experience, then use the final sentence to summarize that contrast. Why it matters: A clearer sequence would make the paragraph's supporting points build more deliberately.
- 12. Clarify concluding link Suggested revision: Make the final transition explicitly connect the in-person nature of both example groups to the continuing need for physical premises. Why it matters: This would strengthen progression from evidence to the paragraph's final claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- leading to concerns that prompting concerns that
- brick-and-mortar shops physical shops
- will eventually disappear may eventually disappear
- has many advantages offers many advantages
- will be more prevalent in the future is likely to become more prevalent
- extinction of physical stores disappearance of physical stores
Why this response received Band 8.0
This is a focused, well-developed response with a clear position and relevant support drawn from consumer preferences and services that require physical presence. Its main limitation is that some points, especially the claim about fresh produce and the extension from shops to services, could be framed more precisely; strengthening those distinctions and adding more nuance about how physical retail may adapt would make the argument more incisive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, maintains a clear disagreement, and develops two relevant reasons with suitable examples.
Make the second reason more precise by distinguishing retail shops from service premises and explaining why both would survive online growth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Vary the openings and internal transitions slightly so the progression feels less formulaic while remaining easy to follow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and precise, with effective expressions such as brick-and-mortar, prevalent, extinction, and physical presence.
Reduce repetition of online shopping and physical stores by using accurate contextual paraphrases where they improve concision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex and simple sentence structures is handled accurately, with only negligible lapses in phrasing.
Refine a few long comparative sentences so their clauses are even more tightly balanced and concise.