An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Migrating to another city or changing a career is nowadays a popular trend. Some people choose to stay in the cities where they have been born or to stick to their career and never try anything new for their work, but some decide to change their lives, moving to another city, or changing their work field. Though there can be many disadvantages of radically changing the way of someone's life, in my opinion, such a change can create numerous benefits for all types of people.
Discovering something new was and always will be one of the favourite aspects of people's life. We still try to find out more about the ocean, space, cultures and history, spending millions of money on these things. While identifying the new limits of space can be a huge step forward for all the humanity, for some people moving to a bigger city can be a personal discovery. To my mind, it is tremendously interesting to discover new places, people, hobbies, and by moving to a new city, these kinds of aspects become possible.
Similarly changing the field of work can be a huge step forward into a new world of discoveries for some people. Sometimes, the same everyday routine that does not change in years can make someone extremely bored, and make a person fall into a depression. For some individuals, a career change could create a new daily routine, where he or she would have to face new problems, people, tasks, and new enjoyment. It has also been proved by psychologists in a recent study, that a change in someone's life could be a healthy treat.
To conclude, human beings are designed in a way that many aspects of our lives become boring to us after a long, and a change of our living places or career might create a positive tone in our boring everyday-routines.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Word order Original: is nowadays a popular trend Suggested revision: is a popular trend nowadays Why it matters: This word order is more natural.
- 2. Tense choice Original: stay in the cities where they have been born Suggested revision: stay in the cities where they were born Why it matters: Use past simple for birthplace.
- 3. Natural wording Original: for their work Suggested revision: in their working lives Why it matters: This better matches the meaning.
- 4. Article error Original: for all the humanity Suggested revision: for all humanity Why it matters: No article is needed in this phrase.
- 5. Wrong collocation Original: spending millions of money Suggested revision: spending large amounts of money Why it matters: Use a natural quantity phrase.
- 6. Add comma Original: Similarly changing Suggested revision: Similarly, changing Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory linker.
- 7. Collocation Original: everyday routine Suggested revision: daily routine Why it matters: "Daily routine" is more natural here.
- 8. Time phrase Original: does not change in years Suggested revision: has not changed for years Why it matters: Use present perfect for a continuing situation.
- 9. Article choice Original: fall into a depression Suggested revision: fall into depression Why it matters: The general condition usually takes no article.
- 10. Awkward phrase Original: new enjoyment Suggested revision: fresh sources of enjoyment Why it matters: This expresses the idea more naturally.
- 11. Remove comma Original: in a recent study, that Suggested revision: in a recent study that Why it matters: Do not place a comma between the reporting verb and the that-clause.
- 12. Wrong word Original: a healthy treat Suggested revision: a healthy change Why it matters: "Treat" does not fit the intended meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- is nowadays a popular trend is a popular trend nowadays
- stay in the cities where they have been born stay in the cities where they were born
- for their work in their working lives
- for all the humanity for all humanity
- spending millions of money spending large amounts of money
- Similarly changing Similarly, changing
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear positive view and develops two main reasons, but it only briefly acknowledges possible disadvantages.
Add one sentence explaining why the disadvantages are less important than the benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and progression are clear, with effective movement from place changes to career changes.
Use fewer repeated words such as "new" and make the final conclusion less repetitive.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible enough for the topic, but several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural phrases for life changes, career shifts, and psychological benefits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most sentences are clear and there is some complex structure, though article use, comma placement, and word forms need attention.
Edit long sentences for punctuation and use fixed expressions accurately.