Some people say that smoking should be permitted in places where people gather to eat or drink. Others find the smell of smoke unpleasant and fear it is bad for everybody’s health. What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Today, there is a huge debate about the freedom to smokefreedom of smoking in public areasthe public areas. Although some people believe that smokers should be allowed to smoke in places where people eat or drinkopen areas, I personally disagree with it because I think this habit can have more obvious harmful effects on public healthside effects on citizens’ health. It can increase the risk of cancer, asthma and sudden death of newborns.
One obvious risk of smoking is cancer. Passive smokers, who inhale the cigarette smoke from smokerssmoke of cigarette of smokers, usually endanger their health even more than the smokers, based on the studies implemented by American Cancer Institute. Their lungs take inTheir lungs intake more smoke chemicals, and smoke particlessmoking dust is extremely harmful to these people’s lungs. Another dangerous effect is sudden death in newbornsa sudden death of newborns. Paediatrics have proven that mothers who have been more exposedthose mothers, who have been more exposed to the smoke, their infants are usually more considerably vulnerable to congenital disorders, and ultimately the rate of mortality can be increased. Inhaling thousandsBreathing over thousands of perilous materials in each puff of smoke can notably raise the risk of abortion in passive pregnant smokers.
Lastly, it can be far riskierrisky to asthmatic people. This group usually hashave a worse irritative respiratory system than the normal humans, and their lungslung are inflamed by any dust particles, including smoke dust; therefore, even by breathing one minute of smoke in the public, their health will be jeopardised far dramatically.
In conclusion, second-hand smoking is very risky to all humans, especially those having respiratory diseases. I personally believe that this habit not only can increase the risk of malignancy, but asthmatic attacks and infant mortality will become more highly dangerous. If I werewas a governor, I would consider more restrictions to smokers visiting public locations.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and supports it with several relevant health risks, giving the argument a strong and consistent purpose. Its impact is reduced by repetitive development, awkward phrasing, and limited engagement with the opposing freedom argument. The highest-priority improvement is to add a concise concession and rebuttal, then organise the health evidence around why smoking restrictions are justified specifically in shared eating and drinking spaces.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay gives a clear opinion against smoking in eating and drinking places and develops relevant health reasons, though it could address the opposing freedom argument more directly.
Add one brief concession about smokers' freedom, then explain why public health outweighs it in shared spaces.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and progression are clear, with each body paragraph focused on a health risk, but some linking and referencing is repetitive.
Group the health impacts more logically and use clearer topic sentences that connect back to restaurants and public gathering places.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary range is good and sometimes ambitious, but several collocations are unnatural or overly technical.
Keep precise health vocabulary but avoid awkward phrases such as freedom of smoking and far risky.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but article errors, comparison forms, and clause control errors occur regularly.
Check comparative adjectives, subject-verb agreement, and conditional forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that smoking should be permitted in places where people gather to eat or drink. Others find the smell of smoke unpleasant and fear it is bad for everybody’s health. What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.