Computer games have become widely popular and people spend a lot of time playing them. What are the negatives and positives of playing computer games and what can be done to reduce the bad effect?
Sample Response
Computers today are most common and their gaming aspect is a cult among the teenagers. Computer games are considered to have numerous bad effects, but I think if used in moderation they can be used as an effective tool for learning and development.
Computer games are considered as a social evil in the society as they are associated with the dogma of time-wasting for school going students. To some extent, that may be true but everything about these games is not negative. Computer games help younger children to develop good hand-eye coordination which is crucial in their early stages. They are also full of fantasies which eventually aid in developing children' brains to be more imaginative and innovative.
On the other hand, spending a long time on the computer not only wastes valuable time but also renders users physically inactive. Health hazards associated to this mainly includes obesity, weak eyes, lower back problems and so on. Apart from this, cognitive development, which is critical during childhood, tends to go for toss thanks to increased addiction to gaming. These problems are a cause of concern among parents.
To curb their negative aspects, parents should keep strict control over the time children are exposed to these games and should promote engagement in physical and brain games. In fact, game producing companies have also realised this and have started preparing gaming consoles which involve more physical movement, suggesting that everyone is doing their bit to promote the positive aspects of this innovation.
To conclude, there are always two sides associated with everything: one affirmative and the other negative. It all comes down to how you want to utilise the potential of any innovation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural expression Original: Computers today are most common Suggested revision: Computers are now commonplace Why it matters: Commonplace naturally expresses that computers are widely present.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: their gaming aspect Suggested revision: computer gaming Why it matters: The original phrase is vague and does not naturally name the activity.
- 3. Correct word choice Original: a cult among the teenagers Suggested revision: extremely popular among teenagers Why it matters: Cult does not accurately express the intended idea of broad popularity here.
- 4. Remove extra preposition Original: considered as Suggested revision: considered Why it matters: Considered takes a direct complement in this construction.
- 5. Remove article Original: in the society Suggested revision: in society Why it matters: Society is used as a general uncountable concept here and does not take the article.
- 6. Correct collocation Original: dogma of time-wasting Suggested revision: stigma of wasting time Why it matters: Stigma, not dogma, conveys a negative social association.
- 7. Add comma Original: that may be true but Suggested revision: that may be true, but Why it matters: A comma is needed before but when it joins two independent clauses.
- 8. Fix possessive Original: children' brains Suggested revision: children's brains Why it matters: The irregular plural children forms its possessive with apostrophe-s.
- 9. Use direct verb Original: aid in developing Suggested revision: help to develop Why it matters: Help to develop is clearer and more natural in this context.
- 10. Fix preposition Original: associated to this Suggested revision: associated with this Why it matters: Associated conventionally takes the preposition with.
- 11. Fix number agreement Original: mainly includes Suggested revision: mainly include Why it matters: The plural subject health hazards requires the plural verb include.
- 12. Use precise term Original: weak eyes Suggested revision: poor eyesight Why it matters: Poor eyesight is the natural expression for reduced visual ability.
Suggested Rewrites
- Computers today are most common Computers are now commonplace
- their gaming aspect computer gaming
- a cult among the teenagers extremely popular among teenagers
- considered as considered
- in the society in society
- dogma of time-wasting stigma of wasting time
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response covers benefits, harms, and practical ways to limit gaming's negative effects, and its paragraph sequence makes the argument easy to follow. The main weakness is imprecise language, including several strained collocations and recurring grammatical slips; the priority is to replace these expressions with natural academic wording while developing the proposed solutions more specifically.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses all three requirements with relevant ideas, though some benefits and solutions are only briefly explained.
Explain how the proposed limits and alternative activities would reduce the identified harms, using one specific example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear progression from benefits to harms and solutions, with generally effective paragraphing and linking.
Make the conclusion directly synthesise the main findings and recommended action instead of ending with a broad generalisation.
Lexical Resource
The writer shows useful range, but frequent awkward collocations and inaccurate word choices sometimes distract from otherwise clear meaning.
Use more natural alternatives for phrases such as gaming aspect is a cult, weak eyes, and preparing gaming consoles.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted with some success, but errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, and possessives recur across the response.
Proofread noun phrases and verb agreement carefully, especially plural subjects, possessive forms, and fixed preposition patterns.