Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?
Sample Response
It is true that happiness is a prerequisite to people’s quality of life, although an actual definition of happiness seems to be difficult to describe, there are various factors which considered being crucial in acquiring happiness.
It is quite laborious to find out an actual definition for the term HAPPINESS. The reason for this is that happiness means different thing to different people. Most people may have at least one hobby or a treat which could help them to uplift their spirits instantly. While for some people, it might be their job or a career which brings them a sense of fulfilment. At the same time, for others, personal belongings are paramount of a serene life. To take an example of a web designer, Richard Jackson, who believes that the key element for a pleasurable life is a close relationship. In my case, happiness is when I am taking my time out of a hectic routine to spend a quality time along with my family.
There do seem to be some common needs that we all share in regards to experiencing or achieving pleasure. Firstly, investing in personal relationships can give a broad (long) way to boost up people’s level of happiness. For instance, spending even a fraction of time from a whole day with your children while doing some share activities could help to build up an immense mutual understanding as well as an inner satisfaction in them, which is a subtle precursor to bring in levelled happiness. Secondly, a prestigious line of work could help to raise people’s contentment by allowing them to have ample amount of wages. As a result, they can entertain themselves with all the basic necessities of life without worrying about any financial distress.
To sum up, due to a nature of happiness it is not that easy to describe it in one specific sentence. We can merely acknowledge several factors which are mandatory to some extent in seeking happiness.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Comma splice Original: although an actual definition Suggested revision: Although an actual definition Why it matters: The sentence begins with It is true that and then shifts into another clause incorrectly.
- 2. Missing verb Original: which considered being crucial Suggested revision: which are considered crucial Why it matters: The relative clause needs are before considered.
- 3. Natural adjective Original: laborious Suggested revision: difficult Why it matters: Laborious usually describes work, not defining an abstract idea.
- 4. Plural noun Original: different thing Suggested revision: different things Why it matters: The phrase refers to many meanings for different people.
- 5. Unclear word Original: a treat Suggested revision: an activity Why it matters: Treat is too vague for this point.
- 6. Unnatural phrase Original: personal belongings are paramount of a serene life Suggested revision: possessions are central to a comfortable life Why it matters: Paramount of is not a correct collocation.
- 7. Example phrase Original: To take an example of a web designer Suggested revision: For example, a web designer Why it matters: This is more concise and natural.
- 8. Uncountable noun Original: spend a quality time Suggested revision: spend quality time Why it matters: Quality time is an uncountable phrase here.
- 9. Standard phrase Original: in regards to Suggested revision: with regard to Why it matters: With regard to is the more standard formal expression.
- 10. Unnatural expression Original: give a broad (long) way Suggested revision: go a long way Why it matters: Go a long way is the idiom needed here.
- 11. Avoid redundancy Original: boost up Suggested revision: boost Why it matters: Boost already means increase, so up is unnecessary.
- 12. Word form Original: some share activities Suggested revision: some shared activities Why it matters: The adjective should be shared.
Suggested Rewrites
- although an actual definition Although an actual definition
- which considered being crucial which are considered crucial
- laborious difficult
- different thing different things
- a treat an activity
- personal belongings are paramount of a serene life possessions are central to a comfortable life
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: why happiness is hard to define and which factors help achieve it. Ideas are relevant, but some examples and factors are expressed vaguely or with inflated wording.
Explain fewer factors more clearly, such as relationships, meaningful work, health, and financial security.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is clear paragraphing and a generally logical progression. Some sentences are overloaded, and links between examples and claims need tightening.
Use shorter sentences and make each example directly support the paragraph's main idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary range is fairly broad, but word choice is often unnatural or over-complicated, including laborious, paramount of a serene life, and levelled happiness.
Prefer precise common academic vocabulary over decorative expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but errors in clauses, articles, agreement, and prepositions occur frequently.
Check every complex sentence for a complete main clause and accurate relative clause.