Life has become much more stressful compared to our parent’s generation. As a result, stress-related illnesses are increasing around the world. Why is stress such widespread in the modern world? What do you think can be done to overcome the problems caused by stress?
Sample Response
Stress slays us from the inside and can lead to personal, social, physical and psychological issues that drive us to the verge of dilapidation. Stress and anxiety are far more severe and widespread among the modern generation than in their forefathers. The reasons for this crisis could be attributed to poor working conditions and the worldwide financial crisis. Several initiatives could be taken to address this problem. One of the primary reasons for the extensive stress-related problems in the modern era is the demanding and highly competitive work environment. Constant work pressure, deadlines, and job insecurity lead to lengthier office hours, which leave little or no family or personal time. It disrupts our relationships, social life, and sleep pattern, and fosters unhealthy diet habits and sedentary lifestyles. For instance, with the ever-increasing working hours, employees sleep fewer hours than ever before, and the majority of them do not cook healthy meals at home. The final result is a more stressful life and deteriorating health conditions. Another reason for this horrendous problem is the global economic crisis and rampant inflation. As a result, many people find it extremely difficult to meet their expenses and often get trapped in loans and debts. Bankruptcy is increasing, and more people are trying to get a second job to support their lifestyle than ever before. The result is more depression and distress, which even leads to suicides. As a solution to this social catastrophe, governments should enact laws to restrict working hours and push employers to improve the working environment for their employees. In addition, financial aid to needy people and mentorship and therapy programmes for already sufferers are needed. Finally and most importantly, we, as individuals, have to be more prudent in our lifestyle choice, expenses, savings and retirement plans, and spend quality time with our family to eliminate stress and tension. To give an example, even after having a busy professional life, people who choose to lead a healthy life often tend to suffer less from depression, anxiety and stress. So our choices matter. In conclusion, stress is a silent killer and impedes our performance, deteriorates our health and destroys our relationships. It is expected that individuals and governments will work hard to make a stress-free modern world for all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Moderate the metaphor Original: slays us from the inside Suggested revision: harms us from within Why it matters: The revision keeps the meaning while using a more measured academic expression.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: verge of dilapidation Suggested revision: verge of collapse Why it matters: Dilapidation normally describes physical disrepair rather than a person's condition.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: among the modern generation Suggested revision: in the modern generation Why it matters: In is the natural preposition when describing a condition within a generation.
- 4. Complete the comparison Original: than in their forefathers Suggested revision: than they were among our forefathers Why it matters: The comparison needs a verb and a consistent reference to the earlier generation.
- 5. Use direct modality Original: could be attributed Suggested revision: can be attributed Why it matters: Can states the essay's causal explanation more directly.
- 6. Choose precise adjective Original: extensive stress-related problems Suggested revision: widespread stress-related problems Why it matters: Widespread more precisely describes problems affecting many people.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: lengthier office hours Suggested revision: longer working hours Why it matters: Longer working hours is the conventional expression for increased time at work.
- 8. Use plural agreement Original: sleep pattern Suggested revision: sleep patterns Why it matters: The plural matches the general reference to people's routines.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: unhealthy diet habits Suggested revision: unhealthy eating habits Why it matters: Eating habits is the standard expression for habitual food choices.
- 10. Clarify the expense type Original: meet their expenses Suggested revision: meet their living expenses Why it matters: Living expenses makes the intended financial pressure more specific.
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: loans and debts Suggested revision: debt Why it matters: Debt already covers money owed through loans in this context.
- 12. Fix reference and number Original: which even leads to suicides Suggested revision: which can even lead to suicide Why it matters: Can suits the possible result, and suicide is used uncountably for the general outcome.
Suggested Rewrites
- slays us from the inside harms us from within
- verge of dilapidation verge of collapse
- among the modern generation in the modern generation
- than in their forefathers than they were among our forefathers
- could be attributed can be attributed
- extensive stress-related problems widespread stress-related problems
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear, well-developed account of workplace and financial pressures and offers relevant action by governments and individuals. Its strongest feature is the sustained explanation of cause and effect, while the single-block presentation and several strained or overstated expressions weaken polish. The highest priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and use more precise, natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly with well-explained causes and a relevant range of governmental and personal solutions.
Strengthen the solution discussion by explaining more specifically how financial aid, therapy, and individual planning would reduce the identified pressures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through causes, effects, and solutions, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens the organisation of its stages.
Separate the introduction, each main cause, the solutions, and the conclusion into clearly focused paragraphs while retaining the effective internal links.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and flexible vocabulary, although some dramatic or awkward choices such as verge of dilapidation and already sufferers reduce precision.
Prefer restrained, idiomatic wording and check collocations and noun forms so that sophisticated vocabulary remains consistently natural and exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are varied and generally well controlled, with only occasional agreement, number, and phrasing errors that do not impede meaning.
Proofread for singular-plural consistency and article use, particularly in phrases such as sleep pattern, lifestyle choice, and therapy for sufferers.