Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should, therefore, be made more difficult for individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
These days a lot of individuals are tending to use various kinds of banking services: ordering credit cards, opening bank accounts and loans of different personal purposes. Some people argue that banking operations should be more complicated for customers. It should be unreasonable to suggest it is partly fair to impose some obligations and restrictions on those who are in need of such services.
To begin with, banks ought to inform people if they wish to lend a large quantity of money, they will be obligated to compensate a higher interest. All kinds of banking establishments have to make certain policies to avoid misunderstandings with customers and lessen uncomfortable situations related to using credit cards and loans. Therefore, representatives of above-mentioned institutions play a crucial role in explaining individuals about their rules. Workers have to forewarn of the consequences of disobeying the points of their rules, for instance, opening a criminal case.
Banking establishments need to take into account personal factors of the members of society. There should exist different rules for various customers. The members which use the services of the bank for longer periods of time or who have obtained the premium type of card should not be limited in time for repaying debts. They have shown themselves as trustworthy customers and deserve to be treated accordingly. It will stand in good stead for the establishment as well. It will unquestionably add prestige because the bank trusts and values its clients.
One could draw the conclusion that banking establishments have to take into consideration personal factors of the individuals when creating their policies. Credit cards and loans have to be provided by the bank with limitations for certain members.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use simple present Original: are tending to use Suggested revision: tend to use Why it matters: The simple present is more natural for a general current tendency with 'these days'.
- 2. Use banking collocation Original: ordering credit cards Suggested revision: applying for credit cards Why it matters: Customers apply for credit cards rather than order them.
- 3. Clarify the service list Original: opening bank accounts and loans of different personal purposes Suggested revision: opening bank accounts and taking out loans for various personal purposes Why it matters: People open accounts but take out loans, and loans are used 'for' a purpose.
- 4. Express the restriction Original: more complicated for customers Suggested revision: more restrictive for customers Why it matters: 'Restrictive' accurately describes making borrowing harder, whereas 'complicated' only suggests complexity.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: lessen uncomfortable situations Suggested revision: reduce disputes Why it matters: 'Reduce disputes' clearly describes preventing disagreements between banks and customers.
- 6. Add definite article Original: representatives of above-mentioned institutions Suggested revision: representatives of the above-mentioned institutions Why it matters: The specific institutions already mentioned require the definite article 'the'.
- 7. Fix verb pattern Original: explaining individuals about their rules Suggested revision: explaining their rules to individuals Why it matters: The verb pattern is 'explain something to someone', not 'explain someone about something'.
- 8. Name the staff precisely Original: Workers Suggested revision: Bank employees Why it matters: The specific term makes clear which workers are responsible for giving warnings.
- 9. Add the missing object Original: forewarn of the consequences Suggested revision: warn customers about the consequences Why it matters: 'Warn' needs an object to identify who receives the warning.
- 10. Use natural expression Original: disobeying the points of their rules Suggested revision: breaking these rules Why it matters: People break rules rather than disobey the points of rules.
- 11. Use concise terminology Original: personal factors of the members of society Suggested revision: customers' personal circumstances Why it matters: The replacement precisely identifies the relevant people and factors.
- 12. Use existential structure Original: There should exist Suggested revision: There should be Why it matters: 'There should be' is the standard existential construction in this sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- are tending to use tend to use
- ordering credit cards applying for credit cards
- opening bank accounts and loans of different personal purposes opening bank accounts and taking out loans for various personal purposes
- more complicated for customers more restrictive for customers
- lessen uncomfortable situations reduce disputes
- representatives of above-mentioned institutions representatives of the above-mentioned institutions
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is organized around relevant banking policies and makes a useful attempt to distinguish between different borrowers. However, its position on whether large loans should be harder to obtain is difficult to identify, and much of the discussion concerns disclosure, repayment time, or customer status rather than controls on borrowing large amounts. The priority is to state a clear opinion and justify specific lending restrictions by linking them directly to preventing unmanageable debt.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response discusses lending rules and borrower differences, but its opinion on making large loans harder to obtain remains unclear and only partially developed.
Give an unambiguous position and explain two specific eligibility or affordability checks that would reduce excessive borrowing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear paragraph structure and generally progresses from bank responsibilities to customer differences, though some logical links are weak.
Make every paragraph's opening claim directly support the central position and connect each example explicitly to that claim.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of banking vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and imprecise word choices limit clarity.
Use precise financial expressions such as charge interest, assess affordability, and impose borrowing limits instead of awkward paraphrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures and is usually understandable, but errors in clause construction, reference, and prepositions recur.
Revise complex sentences to ensure each clause has a clear subject and verb, and check prepositions after common reporting verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should, therefore, be made more difficult for individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.