Scientists use living animal to carry out research. Some people think it is interesting, while some other people think it is cruel. What is your opinion?
Sample Response
Concerning the issue whether scientists should use living animals for scientific research, people hold different views. Some people claim that it is cruel, while some other people argue that it is beneficial to the development of science. As far as I am concerned, I am in favour of carrying out experiments on animals. Firstly, scientists can do initial experiments on animals to test the effect of a new medicine. Scientists have achieved so many milestones on the way to medical development. But they can not find any effective treatment for some diseases yet, like cancer and AIDS, which are fatal to people's health. Through experiments on animals, scientists can not only understand the pathology of some diseases but also try the effect of medicine and find the most effective treatment for these diseases, making a great breakthrough in the field of medicine. Secondly, using living animals in the laboratory, the teachers in the university or some research institutes can demonstrate the anatomic knowledge to the students majoring in medicine, rendering students a direct understanding of biological knowledge, which can improve the level of medical research and make great contributions to the medical science. Without experiments on living animals, genetic technology would not have developed so quickly. Actually, most scientists attribute their success and breakthroughs to experiments on animals. Finally, Some animals can provide human beings with essential organs for transplantation. Genetic technology will change the genes of some animals. In the near future, organs of animals will take the place of artificial organs like heart pumps, prolonging patients life. However, research on living animals faces a moral problem because animals are also living which possess equal rights as human beings, according to many. On a second thought, it is worthwhile for the purpose to accelerate the development of science and the progress of human civilisation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a concise opener Original: Concerning the issue whether Suggested revision: Regarding whether Why it matters: The replacement removes an awkward and unnecessarily wordy introductory phrase.
- 2. Avoid repetitive wording Original: some other people argue Suggested revision: others argue Why it matters: Others refers clearly to the contrasting group without repeating people.
- 3. Use precise research wording Original: test the effect of a new medicine Suggested revision: test the effects of a new medicine Why it matters: Effects better captures the possible outcomes examined in an experiment.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: on the way to medical development Suggested revision: in medical development Why it matters: Achievements occur in a field rather than on the way to its development.
- 5. Join the negative form Original: they can not find Suggested revision: they cannot find Why it matters: Cannot is written as one word when it expresses inability.
- 6. Introduce formal examples Original: like cancer and AIDS Suggested revision: such as cancer and AIDS Why it matters: Such as is the more formal way to introduce examples in academic prose.
- 7. Clarify the health effect Original: fatal to people's health Suggested revision: life-threatening Why it matters: Fatal to health is an unnatural collocation, whereas life-threatening conveys the intended danger precisely.
- 8. Use a formal transition Original: Actually, most scientists Suggested revision: In fact, most scientists Why it matters: In fact is a more suitable academic connector for reinforcing the preceding claim.
- 9. Fix the capitalisation Original: Finally, Some animals Suggested revision: Finally, some animals Why it matters: Some should not be capitalised after a comma within the sentence.
- 10. Use concise wording Original: provide human beings with essential organs Suggested revision: provide essential organs for humans Why it matters: The replacement states the same relationship more directly.
- 11. Use a precise verb Original: will change the genes Suggested revision: can modify the genes Why it matters: Modify is the more precise verb for deliberate genetic alteration.
- 12. Name the category accurately Original: artificial organs like heart pumps Suggested revision: artificial devices such as heart pumps Why it matters: A heart pump is more accurately described as a device than as an artificial organ.
Suggested Rewrites
- Concerning the issue whether Regarding whether
- some other people argue others argue
- test the effect of a new medicine test the effects of a new medicine
- on the way to medical development in medical development
- they can not find they cannot find
- like cancer and AIDS such as cancer and AIDS
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a consistent opinion and supports it with several relevant applications of animal research, including medicine, education, and transplantation. Its strongest ideas are developed clearly, but the single-paragraph presentation weakens the argument's structure, and some claims and expressions lack precision. Separating the reasons into focused paragraphs and qualifying broad assertions would make the position more coherent and convincing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear opinion is maintained and supported by several relevant reasons, although some assertions are broad or insufficiently qualified.
Support the strongest two reasons with more precise evidence and avoid sweeping claims about scientists or future transplantation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of reasons is understandable and signposted, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph obscures the progression between ideas.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one main supporting reason developed in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a good range of topic vocabulary, but several collocations and formulations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Improve precision in phrases such as try the effect of medicine, anatomic knowledge, and rendering students a direct understanding.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures communicate the argument clearly, though errors in agreement, possessives, reference, and clause construction recur.
Edit long sentences for accurate relative clauses, possessive forms, and subject-verb agreement while retaining the demonstrated range.