Some languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
Nowadays, international languages are rapidly growing globally, but using of the local ones is going to be deteriorated dramatically. Although some may agree that this has been more beneficial to societies, I personally think that its drawbacks have surpassed the advantages. On the one hand, talking with some specific dialect has had two important benefits. The first one is that trading has become far easier. Businesspersons knowing English language are statistically more prosperous in their business because they can communicate better with their partners than the one not knowing English. The owners of many multinational corporations are originally from English countries or live there, including Microsoft, Google in the USA or British Petroleum in the UK. As a result, these traders can have a better connection to their partners, becoming more successful in their business. Moreover, immigrants can have more comfortable lifestyles abroad. For instance, an Iranian doctor, who is perfect in the English language, can have more opportunity than the one less knowing it. On the other hand, I personally believe that other dialects must not be forgotten, and I give the green light to those supporting them. The most important reason behind it is that traditions will be loosed. Clearly, to recognise each nation, knowing about their culture is extremely crucial, and the best device is learning its language. As a prime example, many of Arabic historical transcripts, which show Arabs` history, would have been difficult to be understood if they had been changed to other languages. Their culture would have gradually been replaced with other words, and a cultural invasion would have occurred. In addition, domination of few languages can reduce the rating success of those students talking in other languages. Obviously, developing country scholars studying in developed countries have faced numerous challenges because of language; however, if they had studied in their country, they would have become more successful graduates. In particular, a Persian engineer who has moved to Canada is usually less prosperous than a Canadian one to sit a position in an English language college. In conclusion, although the domination of some languages has had several advantages, the importance of other languages should not be neglected. I personally believe that protection of mother languages can raise the value of nations` cultures and their prosperity in education.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate collocation Original: international languages are rapidly growing globally Suggested revision: international languages are spreading rapidly worldwide Why it matters: Languages spread in use rather than literally growing, and “worldwide” avoids repetition with “international.”
- 2. Use correct noun phrase Original: using of the local ones Suggested revision: the use of local languages Why it matters: The gerund “using” cannot function naturally in this noun phrase, and “languages” is clearer than “ones.”
- 3. Correct the verb form Original: is going to be deteriorated Suggested revision: is declining Why it matters: “Deteriorate” is normally intransitive here, so the passive construction is incorrect.
- 4. Clarify the comparison Original: has been more beneficial to societies Suggested revision: has brought more benefits to societies Why it matters: The revised phrase states clearly that the development produces benefits rather than being vaguely “more beneficial.”
- 5. Use standard comparison Original: have surpassed the advantages Suggested revision: outweigh the advantages Why it matters: “Drawbacks outweigh advantages” is the standard collocation for this comparison.
- 6. Use precise language term Original: talking with some specific dialect Suggested revision: speaking a widely used language Why it matters: People speak a language, whereas “talking with a dialect” is not idiomatic and does not match the essay’s subject.
- 7. Use suitable present tense Original: has had two important benefits Suggested revision: offers two important benefits Why it matters: The simple present is more suitable for a general claim about current benefits.
- 8. Use formal business term Original: trading has become far easier Suggested revision: trade has become much easier Why it matters: The noun “trade” is more natural for commercial exchange, while “much” is more neutral than “far” here.
- 9. Correct the noun phrase Original: Businesspersons knowing English language Suggested revision: Businesspeople who know English Why it matters: The relative clause and language name form a natural, grammatically complete subject.
- 10. Use natural success phrase Original: more prosperous in their business Suggested revision: more successful in business Why it matters: “Successful in business” is the idiomatic expression for commercial achievement.
- 11. Fix comparative reference Original: than the one not knowing English Suggested revision: than those who do not know English Why it matters: The plural demonstrative and finite relative clause correctly match the plural subject “Businesspeople.”
- 12. Improve verb collocation Original: have a better connection to Suggested revision: connect more effectively with Why it matters: The verb phrase is more idiomatic for communication between business partners.
Suggested Rewrites
- international languages are rapidly growing globally international languages are spreading rapidly worldwide
- using of the local ones the use of local languages
- is going to be deteriorated is declining
- has been more beneficial to societies has brought more benefits to societies
- have surpassed the advantages outweigh the advantages
- talking with some specific dialect speaking a widely used language
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response takes a clear position and offers relevant advantages and disadvantages, with several examples that show an attempt to extend the discussion. Its main limitation is that frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors blur otherwise sensible ideas, while presenting the entire essay as one paragraph weakens progression. Prioritise accurate collocations and sentence structures, then separate the argument into clear functional paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear negative judgement is maintained while both benefits and drawbacks are explored with relevant supporting ideas.
Use more convincing examples and explain their connection to language spread or decline more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible progression and useful signposting, but the single-paragraph presentation and some unclear references weaken cohesion.
Divide the response into an introduction, distinct body paragraphs, and a conclusion, each with one controlling purpose.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prioritise natural combinations such as language use is declining, preserve traditions, and gain opportunities rather than forcing less familiar terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but recurring errors with articles, comparison, agreement, and clause construction are noticeable.
Build accuracy by checking article use and comparative structures before attempting dense conditional or relative-clause sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.