Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do. How far do you agree with this opinion? What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?
Sample Response
As we know there are many professions and jobs around us and based on its category workers are paid for that. Whereas a worker can be efficient in one or two jobs but would not be able to do all types of jobs. People who are efficient in their works, for example, doctors, nurses, teachers, and actors play important roles in our day to day life.
Though they are the backbone of our society and are involved in life-saving activities and educating others but they are very less paid for the works they do. The average income for a high school teacher every month in India is 15000Rs. A medical practitioner gets a salary of 25000Rs every month. Hence if we compare the average income of these professionals with a film actor or any celebrity, it's almost negligible.
Moreover, professionals like actors are not involved in physical and mental work. They just entertain people and charge crores for each assignment which brings discrimination in work and divides society into multiple classes; for example lower, middle and upper class. Hence, poor people always remain under poverty which brings serious threats to a society like unemployment, robbery, illiteracy etc.
I understand that entertainment is also an important part of life, but we should define and divide the level of work as per salary, the effort given by someone and also how does it impact on someone's life. We should also think about the savings made by someone, it should not carry forward from generation to generation; everyone should be given a chance to grow and earn enough money to lead a good life. Differentiation based on earnings can bring many disasters and put us in soup.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove empty framing Original: As we know Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This conversational opener adds no information and weakens the formal tone.
- 2. Fix reference and syntax Original: based on its category workers are paid for that Suggested revision: workers are paid according to their occupational category Why it matters: The original has an unclear singular pronoun and an ungrammatical payment expression.
- 3. Remove sentence fragment Original: Whereas Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: “Whereas” makes the sentence subordinate without providing a contrasting main clause.
- 4. Use correct collocation Original: efficient in Suggested revision: skilled at Why it matters: People are normally described as skilled at particular jobs, not efficient in them.
- 5. Use uncountable noun Original: their works Suggested revision: their work Why it matters: “Work” is uncountable when it refers generally to professional activity.
- 6. Fix comparative phrase Original: very less paid Suggested revision: paid much less Why it matters: “Much less” is the standard comparative form for a lower level of pay.
- 7. Use uncountable work Original: works they do Suggested revision: work they do Why it matters: The general labour performed by these professionals is expressed with uncountable “work.”
- 8. Format the amount Original: 15000Rs Suggested revision: Rs 15,000 Why it matters: The currency marker, spacing, and thousands separator should follow a consistent readable format.
- 9. Format the amount Original: 25000Rs Suggested revision: Rs 25,000 Why it matters: The currency marker should precede the number, with spacing and a thousands separator.
- 10. Add transition comma Original: Hence if Suggested revision: Hence, if Why it matters: The sentence-opening conjunctive adverb should be followed by a comma.
- 11. Compare equivalent nouns Original: with a film actor or any celebrity Suggested revision: with that of a film actor or another celebrity Why it matters: The income must be compared with another person's income rather than directly with a person.
- 12. Express the claim precisely Original: physical and mental work Suggested revision: physically and mentally demanding work Why it matters: The revision clarifies that the claim concerns the demands of the work.
Suggested Rewrites
- As we know Delete
- based on its category workers are paid for that workers are paid according to their occupational category
- Whereas Delete
- efficient in skilled at
- their works their work
- very less paid paid much less
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers a generally understandable argument and uses concrete salary examples to support the view that socially important workers deserve more pay. However, its position is not stated precisely, the payment criteria are introduced only briefly, and several later claims drift into weakly supported discussion of poverty and inherited savings. The priority is to answer both questions explicitly, develop clear criteria, and connect each supporting point directly to them.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response generally supports higher pay for essential workers, but the degree of agreement and proposed payment criteria remain insufficiently explicit and developed.
State a precise position early and devote a focused paragraph to explaining and justifying two or three workable salary criteria.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides a basic progression, although links within and between ideas become loose when the discussion shifts to social class, crime, and inheritance.
Use a clear topic sentence for each question and remove tangential claims that do not advance that paragraph's central point.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss employment and inequality, but recurrent awkward collocations and imprecise expressions reduce control.
Replace phrases such as very less paid, remain under poverty, and effort given with accurate, formal collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but frequent errors in clause construction, agreement, articles, and punctuation weaken accuracy.
Practise constructing complete complex sentences without double conjunctions and check pronoun agreement and article use during editing.
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