Societies that don’t respect and honour their women can never make progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Sample Response
History has proven the fact that the societies and civilisations which haven't respected the rights and safety of womenrespected rights and safety of women have declined severelyhave perished badly. I am strongly in agreement with this viewin accord with history here, and firmly believe that respect and safety of women are the basic foundations of a society. It is imperative that if a community does not provideif a community is not providing equal rights to women and if women are bereft of basic freedom, there cannot be meaningful progressan ounce of progress in that society. To buttress my point of view, I would like to drawstrike comparisons between two countries: India and the USA. Although the constitution of India has legislated a 33% reservation33% of reservation for women, even after more than 50 years of independence, India has failed to respect its women. India is struggling to change the maleMale chauvinist mindset of its male counterpartsman brethren, who still consider themselves superior to women. The staggering rate of rape cases and nuisances against women is a reflection of this mindset. With thisthese state of affairs for women, India has a long way to go to make its society an honourable place for women. In contrast to India, USA has done a very good job in terms of respecting its women, treating them as equal. The super power status of America can be equally attributed to the women in the USA who have equally contributed to the progress of the country. Women of this world wearWoman of this world wears many hats at the same time. They are mothers, wives, sisters and office bearers at the same time. A woman holds the noblest responsibility in the mankind of bringing the life to the earth. They nurture and develop a child into the youth and shape them into future of a nation and of the world. Women have proven themselves worthy of many accolades if given equal opportunity. For instance, in the last year's Olympic tally for India, Women won more medals than Man. It is thus apparent that to build a full blown progressive society, women playplays a key role and thus must be respected in all manners. In a nutshell, men and woman must be treated equally in the eyes of the society. Respect for women should be inculcated in the blood of a society. To make this world a better place to live, awareness should be spread to treat the woman with utmost reverence. I would recommend, Nations should work together to solve each other's problems and make a resolve in upholding the esteem of women.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear, strongly supported position and draws on a wide range of reasons and examples concerning equality, safety, opportunity, and national progress. Its main limitation is the single-paragraph structure, which makes the progression of ideas difficult to follow and allows broad generalisations to accumulate; the highest-priority improvement is to organise two or three focused reasons into separate body paragraphs and support each with precise, measured evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay presents a strong agreement and supports it with comparisons, examples, and reasons related to rights, safety, education, and national progress. Some examples are broad or overgeneralised, but the position is clear.
Develop two or three focused reasons instead of many loosely connected claims, and avoid unsupported country-wide generalisations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main weakness is that the whole response is written as one long paragraph, which makes progression hard to follow. Ideas are related but need clearer grouping and transitions.
Divide the essay into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, each with a clear controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is quite varied and sometimes effective, with phrases such as basic foundations, equal rights, and progressive society. Some collocations are unnatural, and capitalization is inconsistent.
Use neutral, precise social-policy language and check collocations involving women, society, rights, and progress.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses complex sentences, but errors in articles, agreement, capitalization, punctuation, and plural forms occur regularly. Meaning is usually clear.
Proofread for subject-verb agreement and article use, especially in general statements about societies and women.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Societies that don’t respect and honour their women can never make progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.