To solve the ever-increasing environmental hazards throughout the world, the best way is to increase the price of fuel. What is your opinion on the above assumption?
Sample Response
It is true that skyrocketing the fuel price can make a nosedive on the use of vehicles in many cities but curtailing the volume of energy we utilise is not an elixir as it would soar the daily living expense as well. Hence, the human being ought to scout out renewable energy in an attempt to halt the tide of environment upheaval.
To begin with, protecting the environment only through the buoyant price of energy sounds somewhat over-optimistic. Developing other environment-friendly forms of momentum, such as hydrogen, which is the most potent weapon to deal with this murky water is a far better solution. Despite the exorbitant price of fossil fuel, there is still a kaleidoscope of transportation that will need it. And by extension, airplane would be a concrete example- although the usage of these kinds of gigantic transportations is bound to dwindle, it is undeniable that they still emit a sheer amount of carbon dioxide. Therefore, diving deeply into the domain of substitute energy can be served as a luminary that close Pandora’s Box. Besides the renewable energy and the colossal fuel price, rearing a myriad of flora can usher in a great preponderance. What renders an easy access to oxygen is the vegetation which would absorb carbon dioxide – the most malignant element to our environment. In this dimension, revive the biodiversity seems as important as importance can be. Shielding the rainforest from deforestation and planting a broad spectrum of trees that spanning from alpines to bush on the major boulevards can truly breathe life into the urban sprawl. Most importantly, it could thoroughly eradicate the environment ailments. With all that, it is reasonable to extrapolate that spurting the fuel prices can be described as a blunt instrument. Nevertheless, impeding a wide range of anthropogenic activities and cementing the cornerstone of ecosystem might be much more possible and practical to tackle with this elusive enigma.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise phrasing Original: skyrocketing the fuel price Suggested revision: sharply increasing fuel prices Why it matters: The replacement expresses the increase precisely without the exaggerated verb choice.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: make a nosedive on Suggested revision: sharply reduce Why it matters: “Make a nosedive on” is not a natural collocation for describing reduced vehicle use.
- 3. Choose the exact noun Original: volume of energy we utilise Suggested revision: amount of fuel we use Why it matters: The revised phrase refers more directly to the resource discussed in the task.
- 4. Fix verb and noun Original: soar the daily living expense Suggested revision: raise daily living costs Why it matters: “Soar” is normally intransitive here, and “living costs” is the natural plural expression.
- 5. Use a collective noun Original: the human being Suggested revision: people Why it matters: The singular form does not refer naturally to people in general in this sentence.
- 6. Use an academic verb Original: scout out renewable energy Suggested revision: develop renewable energy Why it matters: “Develop” states the proposed response more directly and appropriately.
- 7. Correct the word form Original: environment upheaval Suggested revision: environmental damage Why it matters: An adjective is needed before the noun, and “damage” conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: buoyant price of energy Suggested revision: high price of energy Why it matters: “Buoyant price” does not naturally mean an intentionally increased price in this context.
- 9. Use the right term Original: forms of momentum Suggested revision: sources of energy Why it matters: “Momentum” does not mean a form or source of energy in this context.
- 10. Avoid an unclear idiom Original: deal with this murky water Suggested revision: address this environmental problem Why it matters: The literal revision makes the referent clear and suits an academic argument.
- 11. Use a natural phrase Original: a kaleidoscope of transportation Suggested revision: a range of transport modes Why it matters: “A kaleidoscope of transportation” is an inappropriate collocation for different forms of transport.
- 12. Correct the noun phrase Original: airplane would be Suggested revision: air travel would be Why it matters: The uncountable activity “air travel” fits the general example, whereas singular “airplane” lacks an article.
Suggested Rewrites
- skyrocketing the fuel price sharply increasing fuel prices
- make a nosedive on sharply reduce
- volume of energy we utilise amount of fuel we use
- soar the daily living expense raise daily living costs
- the human being people
- scout out renewable energy develop renewable energy
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement with fuel-price increases as the best solution and proposes several relevant environmental alternatives. However, the argument is weakened by limited explanation, one overloaded body paragraph, and frequent attempts at sophisticated vocabulary that produce unnatural or unclear phrasing. Prioritise precise word choice and develop two distinct, well-supported reasons in separate paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and relevant alternatives are presented, although several claims are asserted or exaggerated rather than adequately supported.
Develop two central reasons with realistic explanations or examples that show why they are more effective than raising fuel prices.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a generally understandable line, but most of the argument is compressed into one long paragraph and linking is sometimes forced.
Divide the argument into focused body paragraphs and use clearer referencing and transitions to show the relationship between each idea.
Lexical Resource
The response shows ambitious range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and misused sophisticated words reduce precision and sometimes obscure meaning.
Choose familiar, exact environmental vocabulary and check that every verb-noun and adjective-noun combination is natural in context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted, but recurring agreement, article, clause, and word-form errors limit control while meaning remains mostly clear.
Use shorter controlled complex sentences and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, relative clauses, and verb forms.