An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It is noticeable today that a significant number of people are shifting their careers and living places during the course of their lives, domestically or even internationally. In my opinion, it is a positive phenomenon that has its impact in both, personal lives and the society in general. Life is dynamic and people tend to adapt to change in all aspects, it is no longer strange to notice people from different races living together and interacting in a day-to-day routine in work and living places. A good example of this change is the Arabian Gulf countries where East and West intersect and a new community characteristic is evolved. This has reflected positively in the whole community, people get more and more open-minded, having less resistance to new ideas, the knowledge and experience are shared from different sources giving the best out of this mixture, everyone contributes and the result is international. In a personal level, the change is huge, having lived this experience myself, I can say I'm not the same anymore, interacting and dealing with people coming from different places all over the world with different backgrounds had a significant impact on me in both personal and professional levels, now I can adapt more easily to changes and foreign idea, I appreciate cultural motivated actions and decisions I never thought of or imagined I can accept and live with before. Emphasizing more on the career change, I think it is positive not to restrict yourself to a certain career path, having the flexibility to move easily if needed to a different career or field gives the power to change and gain more knowledge and experience keeping learning as you grow old, it is a cumulative process that strengthens the personality and opens the door for future potential opportunities. In conclusion, change is a principal element of human nature, one should not fight or resist it whether it's a career or living place or country change, it has its positive effects and gets more and easier with today's globalisation and integration in life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Noun phrase Original: their careers and living places Suggested revision: their careers and places of residence Why it matters: Places of residence is more precise than living places.
- 2. Comma and article Original: in both, personal lives and the society Suggested revision: on both personal lives and society Why it matters: The phrase needs a natural preposition and no comma after both.
- 3. Run-on sentence Original: Life is dynamic and people tend to adapt to change in all aspects, it is no longer strange Suggested revision: Life is dynamic, and people tend to adapt to change in all aspects. It is no longer strange Why it matters: Two independent clauses should not be joined only by a comma.
- 4. Word choice Original: different races living together Suggested revision: people from different cultures living together Why it matters: Culture fits the context of relocation better than race.
- 5. Awkward phrase Original: in work and living places Suggested revision: at work and in residential communities Why it matters: This expresses the two settings more naturally.
- 6. Unnatural collocation Original: a new community characteristic is evolved Suggested revision: a new community identity develops Why it matters: Identity develops is clearer and more idiomatic.
- 7. Cause-effect wording Original: This has reflected positively Suggested revision: This has had a positive effect Why it matters: The revised phrase states the impact more directly.
- 8. Formal tone Original: people get more and more open-minded Suggested revision: people become more open-minded Why it matters: Become is more formal and concise.
- 9. Preposition Original: In a personal level Suggested revision: On a personal level Why it matters: The correct fixed phrase is on a personal level.
- 10. Run-on link Original: the change is huge, having lived this experience myself Suggested revision: the change can be significant. Having lived through this experience myself Why it matters: A full stop separates the claim from the personal example.
- 11. Plural form Original: foreign idea Suggested revision: foreign ideas Why it matters: The sentence refers to ideas in general, so the plural is needed.
- 12. Word form Original: cultural motivated actions Suggested revision: culturally motivated actions Why it matters: Use the adverb culturally before motivated.
Suggested Rewrites
- their careers and living places their careers and places of residence
- in both, personal lives and the society on both personal lives and society
- Life is dynamic and people tend to adapt to change in all aspects, it is no longer strange Life is dynamic, and people tend to adapt to change in all aspects. It is no longer strange
- different races living together people from different cultures living together
- in work and living places at work and in residential communities
- a new community characteristic is evolved a new community identity develops
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response gives a clear positive position and develops benefits of moving and changing careers, but it gives little attention to possible negative effects.
Add a short concession about instability, family disruption, or career risk, then explain why the positives still outweigh it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a broad logical flow, but most of it is one long chain of ideas with limited paragraph control and some run-on sentences.
Separate the discussion into paragraphs and reduce long sentences into clearer units.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is reasonably wide and often topic-relevant, though some collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Refine collocations such as at a personal level, culturally motivated decisions, career path, and future opportunities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is some complex sentence use, but comma splices, article errors, and awkward clauses reduce accuracy.
Use full stops between independent clauses and check prepositions after level, impact, and adapt.