In most countries disabled people are not catered adequately, e.g. buildings are often inappropriately designed. Governments rely heavily on charities and voluntary organizations to provide assistance and funding. To what extent do you support this measure? Give your own opinion on the issue. Use your own experience or an example to support your idea.
Sample Response
Nowadays,there is not any fitting circumstance for disabled people in order to dwell as others in almost all countries. Unfortunately, manifold buildings are, in the aggregate, erected inappropriately. Sometimes governments are becoming contingent on charities and voluntary organizations to supply aid and funding.
Actually,it is not a lucid reason and I do not concur with this notion. To ameliorate the disabled people’s lifestyle is one of the most noteworthy duties of a desirable statement. Sometimes the government can confront to some financial and economical problems which can afflict persons' conditions. Despite it, anyway, there must be some organizations that assist to people in these challenges. Meanwhile, as bad luck would have it, in society there are not enough better places for the disabled’s confidence. For instance, when they want to enter the buildings or supermarkets, they suffer from it because of the structure of complexes.
On the other hand, they need much money for living better. Because they must buy some facilities in order to move and it is an omnipresent knowledge that such kind of equipment is very expensive. Hence, in this situation, disabled people must be provisioned with the apparatuses or supplementary money that is affordable for buying them.
It seems to me that there are many impeccable solutions in order to deal with this tremendous issue in the world. The governments should impose some rules about the opening factories that disabled people can work. Apart from salary, it will help them in terms of both boosting their morale via making a connection with new people and aiding them to attain to the ecstasy. In addition, in all public places, the existence of particular pass can be very beneficial to disabled people and the applying of it can support them in most cases. In my view,these attitudes must be implemented in all countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add space Original: Nowadays,there Suggested revision: Nowadays, there Why it matters: A space is required after the comma.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: not any fitting circumstance Suggested revision: few suitable conditions Why it matters: The original phrase is not idiomatic for describing inadequate living conditions.
- 3. Clarify expression Original: in order to dwell as others Suggested revision: to live like others Why it matters: 'Live like others' expresses the intended comparison naturally and directly.
- 4. Remove misused phrase Original: in the aggregate Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This phrase means 'as a whole' and does not fit the sentence's meaning.
- 5. Use correct collocation Original: are becoming contingent on Suggested revision: are becoming dependent on Why it matters: Governments can be dependent on organizations, whereas 'contingent on' normally describes an outcome depending on a condition.
- 6. Add space Original: Actually,it Suggested revision: Actually, it Why it matters: A space is required after the comma.
- 7. Fix clause structure Original: To ameliorate the disabled people’s lifestyle Suggested revision: Improving disabled people's quality of life Why it matters: A gerund phrase functions naturally as the subject, and 'quality of life' is the appropriate expression.
- 8. Correct word choice Original: desirable statement Suggested revision: responsible state Why it matters: 'Statement' does not refer to a government, while 'state' does.
- 9. Correct collocation Original: confront to some financial and economical problems Suggested revision: face some financial and economic problems Why it matters: 'Face problems' is the natural construction, and 'economic' describes matters related to the economy.
- 10. Remove preposition Original: assist to people Suggested revision: assist people Why it matters: The verb 'assist' takes a direct object here.
- 11. Fix comparative wording Original: not enough better places Suggested revision: not enough suitable places Why it matters: 'Enough' does not combine naturally with the comparative 'better' in this meaning.
- 12. Clarify intended meaning Original: the disabled’s confidence Suggested revision: disabled people's independence Why it matters: The surrounding discussion concerns accessible places and independent entry rather than confidence.
Suggested Rewrites
- Nowadays,there Nowadays, there
- not any fitting circumstance few suitable conditions
- in order to dwell as others to live like others
- in the aggregate Delete
- are becoming contingent on are becoming dependent on
- Actually,it Actually, it
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay takes a discernible position that governments should assume greater responsibility and offers relevant proposals involving financial support, employment, and accessible public places. Its main weakness is that the response only indirectly evaluates reliance on charities, while frequent unnatural word choices and faulty sentence structures sometimes obscure the reasoning. The highest priority is to state the extent of disagreement explicitly and organise the supporting ideas around that judgment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A relevant position and several practical proposals are presented, but the central question of relying on charities is addressed indirectly and unevenly.
Explain explicitly why government reliance on voluntary organisations is inadequate and define what responsibilities government and charities should each hold.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs broadly separate government responsibility, financial needs, and proposed solutions, though several transitions do not express the logical relationship accurately.
Begin each body paragraph with a clear claim tied to the position and replace vague connectors with direct cause-and-effect links.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide range of vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate or unnatural choices make several ideas imprecise and occasionally difficult to understand.
Prefer accurate everyday academic wording, such as suitable living conditions, government responsibility, mobility equipment, accessible entrances, and employment opportunities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but frequent errors in articles, prepositions, clause formation, punctuation, and word forms reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check spacing after punctuation and remove incorrect patterns such as assist to people and attain to.