Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion?
Sample Response
In modern society, especially in big cities, hard work has undoubtedly becomeundoubtedly hard work has become a very important feature of ordinary people’s everyday liveslife. It seems that many people are finding thatunder the impression that their work is becoming more demandingmore pressing and urgent, and thus they sacrifice more and more leisure time.
In the first place, with the rapid development of science and technology, work today is more demanding than it used to be. For example, today’s college graduatescollege graduates nowadays have to develop proficiency in English, computing, and drivingmaster English, computer science and driving skills before they can find decent jobs. People have to spend more time acquiring new techniques and skills. And their spare time tends to be fully occupied, not with leisure pursuitspursuit, but with work-related pursuits.
In the second place, workplace competition is intensifyingcompetition is becoming more intense. Many people feel anxious that they may be “laid-off” if they can’t work as hard as their colleagueswork as hard as others. And they also feel at a disadvantage compared with new graduatesfeel at a disadvantage before new graduates. Therefore, it is understandable that people keep themselves engaged in intensive workinvolved in intensely hard work in order to retain their jobspreserve their positions.
In my opinion, the worst aspect of this phenomenon is that the intense work pressurehuge pressure of work will gradually affect people’s mental health. Excessively hard work means that people can never recover from work-related fatigueget rid of the fatigue of their work, even in their leisure time. This means that they can not enjoy a normal life. In shortIn a word, in modern society overwork is stealing our leisure time. however, I believe this problem will be settled eventually with the development of science and technology.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear opinion and supports it with logically ordered reasons concerning technological demands, competition, and mental health. Its main limitation is that several claims remain general, while the final prediction that technology will solve the problem is introduced without explanation and sits uneasily with the earlier argument. Develop that concluding idea or replace it with a conclusion grounded directly in the preceding discussion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly addresses the issue, maintains a relevant position, and develops several supporting reasons, though the final prediction is unsupported.
Either explain how technological development could reduce overwork or conclude by synthesising the established causes and effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through distinct paragraphs, with clear sequencing and generally effective cohesive links.
Use less formulaic paragraph openings and make the final transition connect more explicitly to the preceding argument.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently flexible vocabulary conveys workplace pressure and its consequences precisely, despite a few awkward collocations.
Refine combinations such as “leisure pursuits” and replace less natural phrases such as “at a disadvantage before new graduates.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex sentences is generally well controlled, and the few errors do not impede meaning.
Polish punctuation and sentence openings, particularly by capitalising “However” and avoiding unnecessary coordination with “And.”
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that nowadays people are being subjected to more and more pressure in their work, and thus are having less and less time to relax. What is your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.