Some people think that technology has made our life too complex. However, other people think that it has made our life easier. What is your viewpoint?
Sample Response
Inevitably, technology has revolutionised the world. It is argued that the technology has complicated our lifestyle, but it must not be forgotten that it has been beneficial in terms of making life convenient. I strongly believe that the advantages of technology outweigh the drawbacks. This essay will discuss the issue, using examples of the internet and MRI scan in the UK to demonstrate points and support arguments.
Firstly, there is ample evidence to suggest that the technology has made the human life easy going, especially related to connecting with friends and the world. The reason behind this is that with the advancement in the information technology, one can easily connect with their loved ones. For instance, unlike in the past, nowadays people use the internet not only to keep in touch with their friends and family but also to get information from around the world instantaneously. Therefore, it is an undeniable truth that the modern technology such as the internet has made possible to connect with the world conveniently.
Secondly, it is evident that the advancement of technology in the medical field has a positive impact on human life. This is due to the fact that by using modern technology on the healthcare system, people may have a healthy and comfortable life. For example, recent studies by General Medical Council in the UK showed that after an MRI scan had been installed, the rate of diagnosis of cancer almost tripled compared to the previous year, and this eventually provides people to get an early treatment. As a consequence, unsurprisingly, with the use of modern equipment in hospitals, people would get better health facilities.
To conclude, I believe that the technology has tremendous benefit in our life and had made our life far easier than our grandparent times. This is mainly because of the use of the internet and better health facilities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove article Original: the technology has complicated Suggested revision: technology has complicated Why it matters: Technology in general does not need the article the.
- 2. Fix article phrase Original: the technology has made the human life easy going Suggested revision: technology has made human life easier Why it matters: The article and adjective phrase are unnatural.
- 3. Natural phrase Original: especially related to connecting Suggested revision: especially in relation to connecting Why it matters: This is a more natural linking phrase.
- 4. Remove article Original: with the advancement in the information technology Suggested revision: with advances in information technology Why it matters: Use the plural noun advances and no article before information technology.
- 5. Pronoun agreement Original: one can easily connect with their loved ones Suggested revision: people can easily connect with their loved ones Why it matters: Using people avoids mismatch between one and their.
- 6. Add object Original: has made possible to connect Suggested revision: has made it possible to connect Why it matters: The structure requires it after made.
- 7. Correct preposition Original: using modern technology on the healthcare system Suggested revision: using modern technology in the healthcare system Why it matters: Use in for systems or fields.
- 8. Wrong verb pattern Original: provides people to get an early treatment Suggested revision: allows people to receive early treatment Why it matters: Provide does not take this structure.
- 9. Natural modal Original: people would get better health facilities Suggested revision: people can access better healthcare facilities Why it matters: Can access is clearer for a general result.
- 10. Plural noun Original: has tremendous benefit Suggested revision: has tremendous benefits Why it matters: The general noun should be plural here.
- 11. Tense correction Original: had made our life far easier Suggested revision: has made our lives far easier Why it matters: Use present perfect for a present result.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: It is argued that the technology has complicated our lifestyle, but it must not be forgotten that it has been beneficial in terms of making life convenient. Suggested revision: Although some people argue that technology has complicated modern life, I believe it has made daily life far more convenient. Why it matters: This states the contrast and the writer's position more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- the technology has complicated technology has complicated
- the technology has made the human life easy going technology has made human life easier
- especially related to connecting especially in relation to connecting
- with the advancement in the information technology with advances in information technology
- one can easily connect with their loved ones people can easily connect with their loved ones
- has made possible to connect has made it possible to connect
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear viewpoint that technology has made life easier and supports it with communication and medical examples. It does not fully engage with the opposing view that technology has made life complex, so the argument is somewhat one-sided.
Add one short concession about complexity, then explain why the benefits of communication and healthcare still outweigh that concern.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing, logical sequencing, and effective topic sentences. Some linking is formulaic, and the conclusion repeats the introduction rather than synthesising the two main examples.
Use the conclusion to summarise communication and healthcare benefits in one compact sentence, rather than repeating general benefit language.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and appropriate for technology, communication, and healthcare. A few collocations are unnatural, and some phrases are over-formal or imprecise.
Revise collocations such as information technology, medical technology, early treatment, and grandparents' time.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good range of sentence structures, but article errors, preposition errors, and awkward clauses appear regularly. Meaning is clear throughout.
Check article use before technology and life, and simplify long cause-effect sentences.