It is often difficult for young people to find a good job without previous work experience. Governments should encourage employers to choose young people when they need new workers. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is challenging indeed to get a reliable job as a fresher as the employers, in most of the cases, pick the employees who have a past history of work in reputed organisations and have relevant work experience. But this trend should be changed. I support that the government should inspire employers to pick youths in needs of new workers for the following reasons. First of all, a large number of educated youths are unemployed in different parts of the world. For instance, in my land, Pakistan, the number of educated youths is not few. A substantial number of highly educated youths are seeking jobs but not getting as the employers prefer the expert hands. They do not rely upon the unskilled fresh graduates. If this trend continues, the rate of unemployment will go beyond control shortly. Moreover, unless the young people are getting involved with any sort of jobs or professions, they will not get their experience. So, at least to make them experienced in a particular field, the employers should pick them. Salary is not a fact for the fresh graduates, they are in need of a job to prove their skills and get some ideas on professional life. There were no jobs for a fresher like me in Pakistan a couple of years ago. When I completed my graduation from the University of Karachi, it was really difficult for me to find a job. Almost all the job advertisements required applicants having at least three years of professional experiences. If the authority fails to motivate companies to hire fresh graduates, many of them would become depressed and get involved in crimes. To conclude the topic, I think it is only the government who can intervene here to change the situation. Still, a large number of educated youths are seeking jobs. The scenario is almost the same around the world. If the youths are ignored in the job market, their moral degradation is a matter of time only. The corporations should make a balance while recruiting.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: in most of the cases Suggested revision: in most cases Why it matters: The fixed general expression is in most cases without the article.
- 2. Name the applicants Original: pick the employees Suggested revision: choose applicants Why it matters: Applicants are being selected for jobs, whereas employees have already been hired.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: a past history of work Suggested revision: a work history Why it matters: History already refers to the past, so past is redundant.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: in reputed organisations Suggested revision: at reputable organisations Why it matters: Employment is held at an organisation, and reputable describes its good standing.
- 5. Use a reporting verb Original: I support that Suggested revision: I believe Why it matters: Support does not take a that-clause with this meaning.
- 6. Match the task wording Original: inspire employers Suggested revision: encourage employers Why it matters: Encourage is the natural verb for government action intended to influence hiring.
- 7. Repair the hiring phrase Original: pick youths in needs of new workers Suggested revision: hire young people when they need new workers Why it matters: The replacement fixes the preposition, number, and unnatural noun choice.
- 8. Use formal wording Original: in my land Suggested revision: in my country Why it matters: Country is the standard formal term for the writer's nation.
- 9. Use a count structure Original: the number of educated youths is not few Suggested revision: there are many educated young people Why it matters: Few describes countable people, not the singular noun number in this structure.
- 10. Fix the condition Original: unless the young people are getting involved with Suggested revision: unless young people become involved in Why it matters: A general condition needs the simple present and the preposition in.
- 11. Use a natural phrase Original: any sort of jobs or professions Suggested revision: any kind of work Why it matters: Work expresses employment generally without the awkward jobs or professions pairing.
- 12. Use gain experience Original: they will not get their experience Suggested revision: they will not gain experience Why it matters: Gain experience is the standard collocation, and experience is uncountable here.
Suggested Rewrites
- in most of the cases in most cases
- pick the employees choose applicants
- a past history of work a work history
- in reputed organisations at reputable organisations
- I support that I believe
- inspire employers encourage employers
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay states clear support for government action and develops relevant reasons around graduate unemployment, the need to gain experience, and the writer’s own job search. Its argument becomes repetitive and overgeneralised when it predicts crime and moral decline, while one-block organisation and frequent awkward grammar and collocation reduce control. Group the reasons into focused paragraphs, explain a realistic government measure, and edit sentences for natural employment vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The position is clear and supported with relevant unemployment, experience, and personal-example material, though some consequences are asserted too broadly and the proposed action is vague.
Explain one concrete way governments could encourage employers and show how it would help graduates gain experience without making unsupported social predictions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasons follow a broadly logical sequence, but the single paragraph, repeated unemployment claims, and abrupt shifts weaken progression.
Separate unemployment, experience-building, and policy action into distinct paragraphs and remove repeated statements from the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate employment-related vocabulary, but many unnatural collocations such as ‘expert hands’, ‘salary is not a fact’, and ‘professional experiences’ limit precision.
Use standard phrases such as ‘experienced applicants’, ‘salary is not the priority’, and ‘professional experience’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but article, preposition, agreement, and clause-joining errors are frequent throughout the response.
Review sentence boundaries and noun phrases, especially articles and countability in references to employers, graduates, jobs, and experience.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
The question will be loaded automatically.