Band 7.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Correction

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

Sample Response

Education is more important in the modern era than it was in the past and the percentage of students who complete their university education is rising significantly. Many people argue that university education should be aimed at better job prospects whereas others believe that prime objective of a university is to provide better knowledge. However, I believe that university education curriculum should be modified to include more professional training and courses to help students for their future career.

There is no doubt that university education is expensive. People mostly go to universities to ensure a demanding job and better career prospects. Obviously, there are other reasons for people to attend higher education but having a better career is the most dominating factor these days. If the students could have applied to any job after they complete their schools, I am sure the percentage of the university going students would have decreased dramatically.

In my belief, universities should include workshops and practical sessions in their curriculum because the practical sessions are both job oriented and have greater effects on learning. For instance, those who go to the nursing courses have a specific goal in mind – to become a successful nurse. Similarly, if a medical student says that he is not studying to become a successful doctor, rather, to understand the human body and mind, we can take it as a possible lie. So if the universities only provide theoretical knowledge, after graduation students will find it tough to apply the knowledge in their work field. Every government funded university costs a huge sum of money and the government has an aim for all the cost it bears –to make honest, skilled and better performing employees for the state. This single example reveals how important it is for universities to focus on creating future professionals with appropriate knowledge and skill set.

In addition, unemployment is a severe problem worldwide these days and the number of unemployed graduates is a daunting issue. If the universities focus more on the career-oriented education, this problem would significantly decrease. Many organisations recruit talented and experienced individual and those sort of people have a better prospect of career development. Appointing fresher in jobs is burdensome for many companies because they need to train them for several months and overall output and productivity will decline during these periods. If the university education includes some courses related to job prospects, students can perform well immediately after their graduation.

On the other hand, some argue that university education should be for improving the knowledge level of students. Including workshop or job oriented courses will decline the value of education and it will increase the course duration. They opine that better education makes people to a have better adaptability and even though they require some initial training, they outperform others in the long run with their knowledge.

Taking everything into consideration, it can be summarised that university education should be aimed to help students to prepare for their career. Adding workshops and job-related courses will enhance their knowledge and they will perform well in the future. It is more beneficial for each individual and for the society.

IELTS Writing Correction

  • 1. Article needed Original: prime objective Suggested revision: the primary objective Why it matters: The phrase is clearer and more natural with the article and a common academic adjective.
  • 2. Preposition pattern Original: to help students for their future career Suggested revision: to help students with their future careers Why it matters: Help someone with something is the correct pattern, and careers should be plural for students generally.
  • 3. Awkward phrase Original: the university going students Suggested revision: students attending university Why it matters: Students attending university is more natural and formal.
  • 4. Determiner agreement Original: those sort of people Suggested revision: those sorts of people Why it matters: Those requires a plural noun form, so sort should become sorts.
  • 5. Word order error Original: makes people to a have better adaptability Suggested revision: makes people more adaptable Why it matters: The original has an extra to a and an awkward noun phrase; an adjective is cleaner.
  • 6. Noun phrase Original: university education curriculum Suggested revision: university curricula Why it matters: This is the natural plural phrase for courses across universities.
  • 7. Wrong collocation Original: ensure a demanding job Suggested revision: secure a well-paid job Why it matters: Demanding job means difficult work, not necessarily a desirable career outcome.
  • 8. Conditional tense Original: If the students could have applied Suggested revision: If students could apply Why it matters: The sentence describes a general hypothetical situation, not a past unreal condition.
  • 9. Course wording Original: go to the nursing courses Suggested revision: enrol in nursing courses Why it matters: Enrol in is more precise for joining a course.
  • 10. Article choice Original: to apply the knowledge Suggested revision: to apply their knowledge Why it matters: Their knowledge is more natural after graduation students.
  • 11. Collocation Original: work field Suggested revision: field of work Why it matters: Field of work is the standard phrase.
  • 12. Spacing after dash Original: –to make Suggested revision: – to make Why it matters: Add a space after the dash for readability.

Suggested Rewrites

  • prime objective the primary objective
  • to help students for their future career to help students with their future careers
  • the university going students students attending university
  • those sort of people those sorts of people
  • makes people to a have better adaptability makes people more adaptable
  • university education curriculum university curricula
Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.

TR

Task Response

7.0
Feedback

The essay gives a clear opinion that universities should mainly prepare students for careers, while acknowledging the knowledge-for-its-own-sake view. The argument is relevant and extended, though some claims are overstated and the opposing view is handled more briefly.

Next step

Strengthen the balance by explaining why pure knowledge still matters, then show precisely why workplace preparation should remain the main function.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

7.0
Feedback

Paragraphing is effective and the progression is easy to follow: introduction, career rationale, practical training, employment problem, counterargument, conclusion. Cohesive devices are generally controlled, though some paragraphs are lengthy and could be more concise.

Next step

Trim repeated statements about careers and use clearer internal signposting for examples and consequences.

LR

Lexical Resource

7.0
Feedback

There is a good range of academic and employment vocabulary, including curriculum, practical sessions, unemployment, productivity, and adaptability. A few collocations are unnatural or wordy, such as better knowledge and university going students.

Next step

Use more precise academic collocations such as intellectual development, employability, vocational training, and theoretical knowledge.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.5
Feedback

The essay uses varied complex sentences with generally good control. Errors remain in articles, word forms, prepositions, and occasional awkward phrasing, but they do not usually impede communication.

Next step

Proofread for article use and noun phrases, especially around university education, career-oriented courses, and government-funded institutions.