Is it better for students to live at home with their parents or in school accommodation? Give your own opinion on the issue. Use your own experience or an example to support your idea.
Sample Response
Nowadays, many parents thought to decide that their children should stay at home and go to school. In contrast, there are some other people argue that their children should be sent to the school dormitory. I personally agree the second group’s point of view. There are many advantages that the teenagers will get when they live in the school accommodation, namely they will have new friends, more time to study and discussion and it learn to live independently and take responsibilities.
Firstly, if the students live in school accommodation, they will have many different friends such as different regions, languages, customs, hobbies, background and current fields of study. Some scholar said living in the diversity helps the community think uniquely. I mean, they will have a better understanding than people who never build up the relationship with others in the community or even in the school. These students will also expand their knowledge because they are able to learn from others.
Furthermore, group discussion is one of the important things that should be done by the students. In this group, they could meet their classmates or others having the same interest. More time is using to discuss the assignments or essays will impact to the ability and capability of the students. Group study is much useful because intellectually and behaviorally these students will change positively.
Lastly, the decision to stay at school dormitory means more independence to do everything such as cooking, washing, tidying up the bedroom, clearing the building, yard, etc. These kinds of activities will lead the students to be independent and responsible.
To sum up, even though many people have different arguments about where is the best place for their sons and daughter: staying in school accommodation or living at home. My suggestion and reasons have explained above. So I think the better place for the students is to live in the school dormitory.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Verb form Original: parents thought to decide Suggested revision: parents believe Why it matters: The original verb sequence is invalid.
- 2. Clause structure Original: there are some other people argue Suggested revision: some other people argue Why it matters: Remove the conflicting verb frame.
- 3. Preposition Original: agree the second group’s Suggested revision: agree with the second group's Why it matters: Agree requires with.
- 4. Parallel form Original: study and discussion Suggested revision: study and discuss ideas Why it matters: Coordinate verbs consistently.
- 5. Pronoun error Original: it learn to live Suggested revision: learn to live Why it matters: The plural subject is already understood.
- 6. Category error Original: friends such as different regions Suggested revision: friends from different regions Why it matters: People come from regions.
- 7. Agreement Original: Some scholar said Suggested revision: Some scholars say Why it matters: Plural subject and present tense fit.
- 8. Collocation Original: living in the diversity Suggested revision: living in a diverse community Why it matters: This is natural English.
- 9. General plural Original: build up the relationship Suggested revision: build relationships Why it matters: The idea is general.
- 10. Passive form Original: More time is using Suggested revision: More time can be used Why it matters: Use modal passive.
- 11. Collocation Original: impact to the ability Suggested revision: improve the ability Why it matters: Impact does not take 'to' here.
- 12. Degree adverb Original: much useful Suggested revision: very useful Why it matters: Use very with adjectives.
Suggested Rewrites
- parents thought to decide parents believe
- there are some other people argue some other people argue
- agree the second group’s agree with the second group's
- study and discussion study and discuss ideas
- it learn to live learn to live
- friends such as different regions friends from different regions
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response gives a consistent preference for school accommodation and develops three relevant benefits: diverse friendships, collaborative study, and independence. However, the required supporting experience or concrete example is missing, several ideas are asserted generally, and grammar and collocation errors occur so frequently that precision is reduced. Add one specific illustrative example and prioritise basic sentence construction, agreement, verb forms, and natural academic phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The opinion is clear and relevant reasons are developed, but no personal experience or concrete example is supplied.
Add a specific example showing how dormitory life improved study habits or independence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraph progression, though some links are mechanical and conclusions are fragmentary.
Use one clear topic sentence and one developed illustration per body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary covers the topic, but frequent misuse and awkward collocation limit flexibility.
Use live in a dormitory, discuss assignments, improve ability, and develop responsibility.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in tense, clause structure, agreement, articles, and passives sometimes strain reading.
Build accurate simple sentences before combining clauses.