Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
A group of people think that enjoyable hobbies are activities that are considered as difficult and challenging. Although some people agree with the statement, but I personally disagree with it, since everyone has his own interest.
On the one hand, several people believe that enjoyable hobbies need to be difficult and complicated. Sophisticated and challenging hobbies such as mountain climbing, bungee jumping or water rafting are considered as high risk and trigger the adrenalin. To conquer those hobbies, people need to be in a healthy condition and require them to master some sophisticated techniques. And when people could conquer these activities, they would be satisfied with the accomplishment and achievement. As for simple hobbies such as walking or reading, they believe that these activities are less challenging and boring, since everybody could do those activities, and they do not require any kind of expertise or breathtaking.
On the other hand, it is undeniable that people have different interest, passion and hobby. For certain people, easy hobbies such as stamp collecting or jogging might be considered as boring, but others feel that these activities are fun and satisfying. Some people are satisfied and proud of their unique and diverse stamp collection, while others enjoy walking as it helps them in maintaining their health. Therefore, people could not rank different hobbies based on the difficulty level of the activity.
In conclusion, it is true that some hobbies are difficult but others are easy, and everyone has different hobbies. I personally feel that hobbies do not need to be difficult to be enjoyable but they should be in accordance with a person's interest.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Double connector Original: Although some people agree with the statement, but Suggested revision: Although some people agree with the statement, Why it matters: Although and but should not be used together in the same clause.
- 2. Inclusive plural Original: everyone has his own interest Suggested revision: everyone has their own interests Why it matters: The plural form and gender-neutral pronoun are more natural.
- 3. Word choice Original: Sophisticated and challenging hobbies Suggested revision: Demanding and challenging hobbies Why it matters: Sophisticated does not fit physical activities such as climbing or rafting very naturally.
- 4. Collocation Original: trigger the adrenalin Suggested revision: trigger adrenaline Why it matters: The phrase should not use the article, and adrenaline is the standard spelling.
- 5. Subject clarity Original: require them to master Suggested revision: require people to master Why it matters: Them refers back awkwardly after people need to be in a healthy condition.
- 6. Modal choice Original: when people could conquer Suggested revision: when people can conquer Why it matters: Can is more appropriate for a general statement.
- 7. Redundant pair Original: accomplishment and achievement Suggested revision: achievement Why it matters: The two nouns repeat the same idea.
- 8. Plural forms Original: different interest, passion and hobby Suggested revision: different interests, passions and hobbies Why it matters: People have more than one possible interest, so plural nouns are needed.
- 9. Comma before contrast Original: but others feel that these activities are fun Suggested revision: but others feel that these activities are fun Why it matters: Keep the contrast clear by pairing this with a comma after the first clause.
- 10. Concise phrase Original: helps them in maintaining their health Suggested revision: helps them maintain their health Why it matters: The shorter structure is more natural.
- 11. Modal accuracy Original: people could not rank Suggested revision: people cannot rank Why it matters: Cannot is the correct modal for a general conclusion.
- 12. Natural phrasing Original: but they should be in accordance with a person's interest Suggested revision: but they should suit a person's interests Why it matters: Suit is simpler and more idiomatic than be in accordance with.
Suggested Rewrites
- Although some people agree with the statement, but Although some people agree with the statement,
- everyone has his own interest everyone has their own interests
- Sophisticated and challenging hobbies Demanding and challenging hobbies
- trigger the adrenalin trigger adrenaline
- require them to master require people to master
- when people could conquer when people can conquer
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear disagreement and discusses both challenging and simple hobbies. Ideas are relevant, but some development is repetitive and the counterargument could be tied more directly to enjoyment.
Explain more clearly why difficulty may increase enjoyment for some people but is not necessary for everyone.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and the argument progresses logically from the opposing view to the writer's view. Some linking phrases are overused or mechanically contrastive.
Use more precise links that show concession and contrast, such as although this can be true for some people.
Lexical Resource
The response uses enough topic vocabulary to communicate the argument. Lexical control is weakened by repeated difficult, challenging, hobbies, and several inaccurate word choices.
Build a wider set of topic phrases such as leisure activity, personal preference, sense of achievement, and low-pressure pastime.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is clear, but there are frequent errors with clauses, verb forms, articles, and singular-plural agreement. Complex sentence attempts are sometimes inaccurate.
Simplify longer sentences and check agreement in phrases with people, hobbies, and activities.