Some people think that intelligence is innate while others believe that we can improve our intelligence through learning. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
There has been a long-standing debate on whether intelligence is an inherent quality or can be improved through learning and experience. While some people believe that intelligence is predetermined at birth and cannot be changed, others argue that intelligence is a dynamic trait that can be developed with the right opportunities and education. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the argument and opine that intelligence is an inborn quality that can be nurtured and developed through practice.
Those who believe that intelligence is innate argue that an individual's intelligence is determined by genetics and upbringing. They maintain that a person's IQ score is fixed and cannot be changed. For instance, if an individual is born with a high IQ, they are more likely to excel academically, and subsequently, in their careers. Furthermore, it is argued that intelligence is hereditary, meaning that an individual's intelligence level is inherited from their parents.
On the other hand, others believe that intelligence can be developed through learning and education. They argue that intelligence is not just an inherited trait but is also shaped by experiences and environments. Studies have shown that individuals who receive a better education and are exposed to more diverse experiences tend to have higher IQ scores. Therefore, it is possible to improve one's intelligence by learning and exposing oneself to new experiences.
In my opinion, I believe that though intelligence is innate, it can also be developed through education and learning. While a person's genetics and upbringing may play a role in determining their intelligence, it is not the only factor. Education, learning and life experience provide individuals with the opportunity to expand their knowledge, learn new skills, and develop their critical thinking abilities. Additionally, the availability of resources and exposure to diverse experiences can also contribute to an individual's intellectual growth.
In conclusion, while some argue that intelligence is predetermined by genetics, others contend that it can be developed through education and exposure to new experiences. However, in my view, both factors play a role in shaping a person's intelligence, and it is possible to improve one's intelligence through learning and education.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural preposition Original: debate on whether Suggested revision: debate over whether Why it matters: The preposition “over” forms a more natural collocation with “debate” in this context.
- 2. Remove redundant wording Original: predetermined at birth Suggested revision: determined at birth Why it matters: “Predetermined” repeats the idea already conveyed by “at birth.”
- 3. Clarify the means Original: with the right opportunities and education Suggested revision: through suitable education and opportunities Why it matters: “Through” expresses the means of development more precisely here.
- 4. Use academic phrasing Original: we will discuss Suggested revision: this essay discusses Why it matters: An impersonal formulation is more concise and appropriately academic.
- 5. Remove unnecessary commas Original: , and subsequently, Suggested revision: and subsequently Why it matters: The adverb does not need to be enclosed by commas in this coordinated phrase.
- 6. Name the referring group Original: it is argued that Suggested revision: they also argue that Why it matters: The explicit pronoun links this point more clearly to the people discussed in the paragraph.
- 7. Improve parallel structure Original: not just an inherited trait but is also shaped Suggested revision: not only inherited but also shaped Why it matters: The replacement makes the two coordinated descriptions grammatically parallel.
- 8. Use concise parallel nouns Original: by learning and exposing oneself Suggested revision: through learning and exposure Why it matters: The revision expresses the two means more concisely without the awkward reflexive phrase.
- 9. Remove repeated stance Original: In my opinion, I believe Suggested revision: I believe Why it matters: Both phrases signal the same personal stance, so one is sufficient.
- 10. Match plural antecedent Original: it is not the only factor Suggested revision: they are not the only factors Why it matters: The pronoun and noun should agree with the plural antecedent “genetics and upbringing.”
- 11. Avoid duplicate addition marker Original: can also contribute Suggested revision: can contribute Why it matters: “Additionally” already marks the sentence as an added point, making “also” redundant.
Suggested Rewrites
- debate on whether debate over whether
- predetermined at birth determined at birth
- with the right opportunities and education through suitable education and opportunities
- we will discuss this essay discusses
- , and subsequently, and subsequently
- it is argued that they also argue that
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and addresses both views with logically ordered, relevant support. Its main limitation is that several points remain general or repetitive, particularly the reliance on IQ claims and repeated references to education and experience. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each side with more precise reasoning and a specific, fully explained example before synthesising the position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views and a clear balanced opinion are addressed, although some supporting claims are broad and repetitive.
Develop the reasoning behind each view with one specific example whose relevance is fully explained.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through clearly focused paragraphs, with generally effective linking and referencing.
Reduce repeated framing around education and experience so that each paragraph makes a more distinct contribution.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary conveys the argument precisely overall, despite occasional awkward phrasing and repetition.
Replace formulaic or awkward choices such as opine with natural academic phrasing and vary recurring key terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used with consistently strong control and only minor lapses.
Refine the few cumbersome constructions while maintaining the accurate variety of complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that intelligence is innate while others believe that we can improve our intelligence through learning. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.