Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?
Sample Response
Education is the cornerstone of modern society, and it is widely acknowledged that the curriculum should include a variety of subjects to provide students with a well-rounded education. However, there is a growing debate about the importance of history compared to other subjects, such as science and technology. Some individuals believe that history is of utmost importance, while others argue that science and technology hold more significance in today's world. My opinion is that they are both important subjects.
On the one hand, proponents of history subject argue that it is essential for students to learn about the past. By studying history, students can gain valuable insights into the events, ideas, and cultural practices that have shaped our world. It allows individuals to learn from the past and make informed decisions in the present. Moreover, studying history helps students develop critical thinking skills, as they learn to analyze and evaluate historical sources and interpret different perspectives.
On the other hand, those who advocate for science and technology argue that they are the most important subjects in today's world. The rapid advancements in technology and the ongoing impact of science on society make it critical for students to learn about these subjects. Science and technology play a crucial role in many aspects of modern life, from healthcare to communication to transportation. It is essential for students to gain a comprehensive understanding of these subjects to be prepared for the future workforce.
In my opinion, both 'history', and 'science and technology' are important subjects that should be included in the school curriculum. While history provides insights into the past, science and technology equip students with the knowledge and skills necessary to succeed in the future. By learning about these subjects, students can develop a broader perspective and enhance their critical thinking skills.
In conclusion, there are compelling arguments for the importance of history and science and technology in the school curriculum. While history allows students to gain insights into the past and develop critical thinking skills, science and technology equip students with the knowledge and skills necessary to succeed in today's world. Therefore, it is essential to strike a balance between these subjects and ensure that students receive a well-rounded education.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add natural noun phrase Original: proponents of history subject Suggested revision: proponents of history as a subject Why it matters: The original noun phrase is missing the structure needed to link history and subject.
- 2. Remove stray punctuation Original: 'history', and 'science and technology' Suggested revision: history and science and technology Why it matters: The quotation marks and comma incorrectly interrupt the paired subjects.
- 3. Use plainer phrasing Original: cornerstone of modern society Suggested revision: foundation of modern society Why it matters: This alternative preserves the meaning while sounding less formulaic.
- 4. Reduce passive wording Original: it is widely acknowledged that Suggested revision: many people acknowledge that Why it matters: The active construction is more direct and identifies a human subject.
- 5. Clarify comparison Original: importance of history compared to other subjects Suggested revision: relative importance of history and other subjects Why it matters: This wording expresses the comparison more precisely.
- 6. Choose natural wording Original: hold more significance Suggested revision: are more important Why it matters: The replacement is more idiomatic in this comparison.
- 7. Use concise stance marker Original: My opinion is that Suggested revision: In my view, Why it matters: This transition states the writer's view more concisely.
- 8. Avoid stock wording Original: valuable insights into the events Suggested revision: a clearer understanding of the events Why it matters: This phrase conveys the intended learning outcome more specifically.
- 9. Use precise collocation Original: ongoing impact of science Suggested revision: continuing influence of science Why it matters: The replacement forms a more natural academic collocation in this context.
- 10. Prefer precise adjective Original: critical for students Suggested revision: essential for students Why it matters: Essential states necessity more directly here.
- 11. Clarify internal progression Suggested revision: Move from understanding past events to applying that understanding, then finish with the related critical-thinking benefit. Why it matters: A clearer cause-to-application sequence would strengthen progression within the paragraph.
- 12. Order examples logically Suggested revision: State the broad influence of science and technology before listing their applications and employment relevance. Why it matters: A general-to-specific order would make the paragraph's progression more transparent.
Suggested Rewrites
- proponents of history subject proponents of history as a subject
- 'history', and 'science and technology' history and science and technology
- cornerstone of modern society foundation of modern society
- it is widely acknowledged that many people acknowledge that
- importance of history compared to other subjects relative importance of history and other subjects
- hold more significance are more important
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, balanced position and develops both perspectives through a well-controlled structure and consistently relevant explanation. Its main limitation is that several points remain broad or repeat earlier claims rather than probing why one subject might deserve greater priority. The strongest improvement would be to add more specific, contrasting support and sharpen the final judgement beyond a general call for balance.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views and the writer's position are clearly addressed, although the supporting ideas are sometimes general and repetitive.
Develop each side with a specific example or consequence and make the comparative judgement more incisive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through clearly focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used accurately but somewhat predictably.
Reduce repeated restatement across the opinion and conclusion paragraphs and create tighter links between contrasting ideas.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide and generally precise vocabulary supports the discussion, despite occasional awkward collocations and repetition of key terms.
Use more natural subject-specific collocations and vary repeated references to importance, knowledge, and skills.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled with strong control, and the few punctuation or phrasing errors do not impede meaning.
Refine article use and punctuation in phrases such as references to history and science and technology.