Some people support the development of agriculture, like factory farming and the scientific creation of fruits and vegetables, while others oppose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
This global population explosion has reduced the farming lands and has overwhelmingly increased the demand for food. To accord with the demand, many have already adopted intensive animal farming and creation of fruits while others still follow the traditional ways of farming. Both approaches have merits and drawbacks but to feed the hungry mouths, scientific approaches to produce more food should be welcomed with proper research. To begin with, traditional farming produces fresh and hygienic food that have a proper nutrition. This approach also keeps the land fertile and do not make animal stocks that have been genetically modified. Consuming farm-fresh fruits and organic food is the secret to have a healthier life. However, the food production in this procedure is costly and sluggish. On the contrary, the world population has already reached to over 7.6 billion and it is increasing rapidly. More population means fewer lands for cultivation. From this regards, I believe that scientific methods for producing more food at a reduced price is a timely demand. Intensive animal farming or industrial livestock production maximize production while minimizing production costs and this is a necessary step to feel the global food demand, I believe. To cite an example, the majority of the rural households in developing countries had farming lands and animal stocks to meet the demand for the family. These lands are shrinking to accommodate new family members and most of these households now rely on food items purchased from the market. If farmers do not adopt technology and scientific methods to produce more, people would starve. To conclude, we should employ scientific methods to support the development of agriculture at the current era where food demand is higher than any other time in the history, but proper research should be in place to ensure hygiene and quality of these productions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: farming lands Suggested revision: farmland Why it matters: Farmland is the natural uncountable term for land used for farming.
- 2. Use natural intensifier Original: overwhelmingly increased Suggested revision: greatly increased Why it matters: Greatly collocates more naturally with an increase in demand.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: accord with the demand Suggested revision: meet the demand Why it matters: Meet demand is the standard expression for satisfying a need.
- 4. Clarify scientific production Original: creation of fruits Suggested revision: scientific production of crops Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended agricultural process more naturally.
- 5. Condense the phrase Original: traditional ways of farming Suggested revision: traditional farming methods Why it matters: This concise collocation is more suitable for formal writing.
- 6. Avoid emotive idiom Original: feed the hungry mouths Suggested revision: feed the growing population Why it matters: The revision is more precise and formal while retaining the intended claim.
- 7. Fix subject agreement Original: food that have Suggested revision: food that has Why it matters: The singular uncountable noun food requires the singular verb has.
- 8. Correct noun usage Original: a proper nutrition Suggested revision: adequate nutritional value Why it matters: Nutrition is not normally used with an indefinite article in this meaning.
- 9. Fix agreement and wording Original: do not make animal stocks Suggested revision: does not produce livestock Why it matters: The singular subject requires does, and livestock is the natural term here.
- 10. Use gerund form Original: the secret to have Suggested revision: the key to having Why it matters: The preposition to in this expression should be followed by a gerund.
- 11. Choose natural method term Original: in this procedure Suggested revision: with this method Why it matters: Method is the appropriate word for a way of producing food.
- 12. Remove wrong preposition Original: reached to over Suggested revision: reached over Why it matters: Reach takes a direct object and does not require to.
Suggested Rewrites
- farming lands farmland
- overwhelmingly increased greatly increased
- accord with the demand meet the demand
- creation of fruits scientific production of crops
- traditional ways of farming traditional farming methods
- feed the hungry mouths feed the growing population
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear position, considers both approaches, and develops the case for scientific agriculture with a relevant household example. Its effectiveness is reduced by the absence of paragraphing and by frequent agreement, article, and collocation errors; the highest priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and then edit sentences for accurate verb forms and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both views, maintains a clear preference for scientific methods, and supports that position with relevant explanation and an example.
Develop the opposing view more fully and examine its drawbacks with the same specificity used for the preferred approach.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a recognizable logical sequence and useful transitions, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph weakens its organization.
Separate the introduction, each contrasting view, and the conclusion into clear paragraphs with one controlling purpose apiece.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, although recurring collocation and word-form problems make several phrases unnatural or imprecise.
Replace combinations such as 'from this regards,' 'feel the global food demand,' and 'quality of these productions' with standard academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, but subject-verb agreement and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Check every finite verb against its subject and separate run-on clauses before refining articles and conditional forms.
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