Some people think it is very important to get a university education. Others feel we should encourage more young people to take up a trade such as plumbing, painting or building to ensure a good balance of skills in our society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
While some opine that university education is a must, others, however, emphasise the need for vocational training and practical skills more. No doubt skills on practical works like plumbing, painting, repairing, automobiles etc. are essential for the young generation to start a career early, but university education offers something more and creates a better future generation. This essay will discuss both aspects and point out my opinion. To begin with, university education has a paramount importance in shaping someone's ability, perspective and knowledge. That is why a person is thought to be prepared to start a career or open a business only when he completes his tertiary education. Many organisations, for instance, seek employees who have university degrees and research indicates that university graduates are more adept at learning new things in the corporate world, taking challenges, leading a team and bringing innovations. Thus taking up trade education or courses instead of getting admitted to a college or university would build up a generation who would be skilled in some particular fields, no doubt, but not ready to lead the country by contributing in a more efficient manner in their respective job or business fields. In many countries, such as India, a plumber, electrician or a painter have no scope to enhance their career in prestigious corporations or ever become a white collar employee. Furthermore, the society does not consider them as skilled employees since they do not have the necessary education to excel. Thus taking up university education in those countries is the only option to gather knowledge and secure a good career. With regards to the trade courses to have a skilled workforce in a country, I believe that only a few developed countries should encourage their young population to start their career in such fields where they can have decent jobs. For instance, Finland already has this educational setup and they are quite successful. Furthermore, skilled people will never be unemployed and thus would contribute to the national economy at an early age. To conclude, though having trade related courses and vocational education to start a career early and to maintain a social skill balance us a good option, I believe that university education is far more beneficial. It should be ensured by the government that deserving students get university education though there is no harm in including some trade-related training courses in university to make them more skilled.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant contrast Original: others, however, emphasise Suggested revision: others emphasise Why it matters: While already signals the contrast, so however is redundant here.
- 2. Use natural phrase Original: skills on practical works Suggested revision: practical skills Why it matters: Practical skills is the standard phrase for abilities used in trades.
- 3. Make examples parallel Original: painting, repairing, automobiles etc. Suggested revision: painting, repair work and automobile maintenance Why it matters: The revision makes all three examples parallel fields of work.
- 4. Use concise noun Original: the young generation Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: Young people is more natural and direct in this context.
- 5. Clarify intended meaning Original: creates a better future generation Suggested revision: creates a better-prepared future generation Why it matters: Better-prepared specifies the educational advantage being claimed.
- 6. Remove incorrect article Original: has a paramount importance Suggested revision: is of paramount importance Why it matters: Importance is uncountable here and does not take the article a.
- 7. Correct verb phrase Original: taking challenges Suggested revision: taking on challenges Why it matters: Take on is the required phrasal verb when accepting challenges.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: bringing innovations Suggested revision: introducing innovations Why it matters: Introducing innovations is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 9. Match relative pronoun Original: a generation who would be skilled Suggested revision: a generation that would be skilled Why it matters: That appropriately refers to the collective noun generation.
- 10. Use concise adverb Original: contributing in a more efficient manner Suggested revision: contributing more efficiently Why it matters: The adverb expresses the same meaning more concisely.
- 11. Fix subject agreement Original: a plumber, electrician or a painter have Suggested revision: plumbers, electricians or painters have Why it matters: The plural subjects correctly agree with have and support the generalisation.
- 12. Remove unnecessary article Original: the society does not consider Suggested revision: society does not consider Why it matters: Society used in this general sense does not require the definite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- others, however, emphasise others emphasise
- skills on practical works practical skills
- painting, repairing, automobiles etc. painting, repair work and automobile maintenance
- the young generation young people
- creates a better future generation creates a better-prepared future generation
- has a paramount importance is of paramount importance
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response offers a clear preference for university education and supports it with relevant employment and social arguments, while also acknowledging the value of vocational skills. The main weakness is structural: the entire discussion appears as one dense paragraph, and the trade-education case receives less balanced development. Prioritise dividing the argument into purposeful paragraphs and expanding the vocational perspective with a well-explained benefit before weighing the two views.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented, but the vocational view is less fully and impartially developed than the case for university education.
Give the trade-education perspective a distinct, well-supported argument before comparing it with the preferred university route.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a generally logical sequence and uses clear signposting, but presenting everything in one paragraph weakens organisation and readability.
Separate the introduction, each viewpoint, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one controlling idea in each.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of education and employment vocabulary is used, though several awkward collocations and imprecise expressions limit flexibility.
Refine collocations such as practical skills, take on challenges, career progression, and balance of skills in society.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally clear meaning, but agreement, article, pronoun, and word-form errors recur.
Check agreement and reference carefully in longer sentences, particularly where singular workers, plural occupations, and countries are discussed.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think it is very important to get a university education. Others feel we should encourage more young people to take up a trade such as plumbing, painting or building to ensure a good balance of skills in our society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.