Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? Discuss with appropriate examples.
Sample Response
Cities are transforming in various aspects, one of them is shopping pattern. It is often suggested by many that traditional businesses should be replaced by mega shopping centres. I believe that large shopping malls offer a better shopping experience to city residents and help the government collect taxes efficiently. Therefore, I believe that this is a welcoming trend. To begin with, large shopping complexes bring different vendors under a single roof and offer a spectrum of products. As people in cities have less time to spend on shopping, mega shopping malls save their valuable time. Furthermore, such markets have various entertainment facilities including cinema halls, food court, children's play zone etc. which improve people's shopping experience and let them enjoy their time. All those amenities under the same building cannot be offered by small businesses. In addition, collecting taxes from scattered small shops is often unmanageable as there is no defined authority for the business entities. However, it is easier when the stores are under the market authority in a single building. In some countries, like Australia, the government gives a tax rebate to small businesses to let them grow, which consequently can have dire outcomes in the future as financial overturn cannot be justified with those cuts. Thus, small businesses do not have a wide appeal to people and nor do financially help local government. In conclusion, to conform to modern shoppers' demand and facilities, mega malls are emerging. This should be wholeheartedly welcomed as it offers a better shopping experience to people and ensures tax collection by the state.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: transforming in various aspects Suggested revision: changing in many ways Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the broad change more naturally.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: shopping pattern Suggested revision: shopping patterns Why it matters: The general reference to city residents' habits requires the plural noun.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: welcoming trend Suggested revision: welcome trend Why it matters: The adjective 'welcome' describes a desirable trend, while 'welcoming' describes something that receives people warmly.
- 4. Choose precise wording Original: bring different vendors Suggested revision: bring various vendors Why it matters: 'Various' more clearly conveys a range of vendors rather than merely distinguishing them.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: spectrum of products Suggested revision: wide range of products Why it matters: 'A wide range of products' is the more conventional collocation in this context.
- 6. Correct the construction Original: less time to spend on shopping Suggested revision: less time to spend shopping Why it matters: After 'spend time,' the activity normally takes the -ing form without 'on.'
- 7. Match the plural list Original: food court Suggested revision: food courts Why it matters: The item should be plural to match the general list of facilities.
- 8. Match the plural list Original: children's play zone Suggested revision: children's play zones Why it matters: The item should be plural to match the general reference to facilities.
- 9. Punctuate the added clause Original: etc. which Suggested revision: and similar amenities, which Why it matters: A comma is needed before the non-defining relative clause, and the explicit phrase is clearer than 'etc.'
- 10. Correct the preposition Original: under the same building Suggested revision: in the same building Why it matters: Facilities are located 'in' a building, not 'under' it.
- 11. Clarify the authority Original: market authority Suggested revision: mall management Why it matters: This term more clearly identifies the body overseeing stores in the building.
- 12. Replace the wrong term Original: financial overturn Suggested revision: financial loss Why it matters: 'Overturn' does not denote the negative financial outcome described here.
Suggested Rewrites
- transforming in various aspects changing in many ways
- shopping pattern shopping patterns
- welcoming trend welcome trend
- bring different vendors bring various vendors
- spectrum of products wide range of products
- less time to spend on shopping less time to spend shopping
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent opinion and develops two relevant benefits of large malls, with the shopping-convenience discussion particularly well supported. Its main limitation is that the taxation argument becomes speculative and includes an unclear claim about rebates, while several awkward expressions reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to use a more convincing, fully explained example for the second main idea and edit collocations carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both main reasons are relevant, though the taxation argument is less convincingly supported.
Develop the second reason with a credible example that directly demonstrates how malls improve tax collection.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two body arguments, and a consistent conclusion.
Make the transition within the taxation paragraph more explicit so the rebate example clearly supports the central claim.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic vocabulary, but several imprecise collocations reduce naturalness.
Replace awkward phrases such as financial overturn and welcoming trend with precise, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, despite recurring agreement and sentence-construction errors.
Proofread subject-verb agreement, parallel structures, and noun phrases, especially in longer sentences.