Working hours are too long and people are not spending as much time as they should with their families or on leisure activities. What is your opinion on this issue?
Sample Response
People have begun facing more challenges in their liveslife as the world is becoming increasingly modernthe world is always transforming into a more modern one where human beings have to deal with increasing competitionan increasing number of competitions to survive. Consequently, more time must be spent workinglonger time must be spent for working. I do agree that this will lead to a reduction in the timedeclines in the number of hours spent with their familiesspent for families or even leisure activities. For some people, this can really be frustrating, while others can still be comfortable with this situationenjoy this condition.
There are three reasons why some people work longer hoursexperience more working time today. Firstly, the economic or financial condition will force those whose income is still low and need supportsupports from anotherother livelihood or longer time in the same job. Secondly, some people also work long hoursperform a great number of activities every day as a lifestyle because they really love their jobs. Thirdly, because of the responsibilities they bearas responsibilities they bear, people in some fields such as the armed forcesareas such as arms have to deal with every consequence even if they are requiredneeded to take part in a war raging for a certain or uncertain period of time.
However, the effects of this situation in which working hours are longerwhere working hours are more are not always negativeworse. For those who do this because of a low financial condition when they must work under a stressful condition even when their employers are very strict and unfriendly, this is truly desperate for both themselves and their families. In contrast, for those with the remaining two reasons, it is apparently to be fascinating because they work as they love their jobs or as their responsibilities for other people such as their countries, which in turn can bring them and their families some tremendous satisfaction or pride even though they should inescapably feel or enjoy less time together. Regarding this, in my perspective, considering what kinds of jobs we like to do and being prepared for that can help us to be more independent while choosing any livelihoods. By doing this, everyone can find them always fun as his or her lifestyle.
All in all, despite the increasing working hours experienced by many people nowadays which will cause less togetherness with families as well as the lack of leisure activities, we can deal with this by preparing a better future since the very beginning so that more opportunities and choices will open.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its nuanced recognition that long hours may feel burdensome for financially pressured workers but meaningful for people who love their work or serve others. However, the opinion is diluted by lengthy discussion of causes, an unclear military example, and a vague solution about preparing for the future; prioritise stating a precise judgement on acceptable working hours and developing its family and leisure consequences with concrete, directly relevant support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response offers a qualified view and relevant contrasts, but it devotes substantial space to causes of long hours while its judgement and proposed solution remain vague.
State whether long hours are generally harmful or acceptable under specific conditions, then develop their effects on relationships, health and leisure rather than listing loosely related causes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Four purposeful paragraphs create broad progression from position to causes, evaluation and conclusion, though long sentences and unclear references disrupt the internal flow.
Give each paragraph one controlling idea and split the extended contrast about the three worker groups into shorter, explicitly linked sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad range of work-related vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations make several ideas difficult to express naturally.
Use natural phrases such as competitive pressures, spend more time working, financial hardship, additional income, longer working hours and career choices.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple ideas are usually understandable and complex structures are attempted, but errors in agreement, clause construction, word forms and reference occur very frequently.
Prioritise clear subject-verb patterns and shorter clauses, correcting forms such as people with low incomes need, military personnel may be required, and everyone can enjoy their work.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Working hours are too long and people are not spending as much time as they should with their families or on leisure activities. What is your opinion on this issue?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.