Modern medical science has made it possible to combat many diseases. This is one reason that people are living longer lives now than they did in the past. Discuss the effects this might have on society.
Sample Response
Modern medicine and developments in medical science have achieved what once seemed impossiblesolved the impossible task of conquering many fatal diseases. Therefore people benefit fromattain the relief of long, happy and painless lives. Some of the numerous outcomes of this relief are rescue from long-term and painful anxieties, accumulation of concentration on subjects that are usually very difficult to do it under painful circumstances and more significantly the importance of healthy decision-making. Apart from that long accumulated experience of older people isare helpful for developing a better society. Firstly, the anxiety of pain drains people's energyabsorbs the energy of life in people. Thus individuals with diseases spread this weakness to their environment and also they cannot help it. On the other handFrom the other way, it is almost impossible to make sufficient effortillustrate enough attempts and pay sufficient attention to either the issues of family and friends or problems and tasks of their jobs as their healthy peers doas their other fellows. For example, when an activity takes placeif there is an occupation takes place such as business trips or family eventslike job trips, family organisations, they find it difficult to adjustdifficult adjust to the mood of their family members and friendsother members of family and friends. However, their families try to make them as happy as possible. But these problems have been transcended by appropriate treatments and ill people do not need to feel awful anymore. Nevertheless the most difficult period in life, in my opinion, is periods of illnessill time. Because illness compels people to change their way of thinking and decision-making, in some cases some people try to even suicide because of the pain. It is the heartbreaking part of the story. TodayAlthough, today with the cooperation of psychologists and doctors most cases of trauma and suicide can be handled. And many diseases with proper medications and operations can be treatedrecovered. The experience of older people who live longer can be useful for the new generation and professionals such asprofessionals like teachers, politicians, mathematicians, physicists and social workers can contribute more to the world.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response shows an effort to explore positive outcomes and identifies older people's accumulated experience as a potential social benefit. Its main limitation is that most of the discussion concerns relief from illness rather than the effects of longer lifespans on society, while frequent awkward constructions weaken clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to refocus each body paragraph on a distinct society-level consequence of increased longevity and explain it directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response is related to medical progress but largely discusses recovery from illness, leaving the requested societal effects of longer lives insufficiently addressed.
Build the essay around two or three direct consequences of longevity, such as workforce participation, public spending, or intergenerational knowledge.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some linking words signal movement between ideas, but the single-block structure, abrupt shifts, and unclear progression make the argument difficult to follow.
Use distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences and ensure every supporting sentence develops the same societal effect.
Lexical Resource
There is some ambitious vocabulary and topic-specific language, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word-choice errors obscure meaning.
Choose simpler, conventional expressions and check collocations such as relief from pain, ability to concentrate, and attempt suicide.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms is attempted, but frequent fragments, agreement errors, missing words, and faulty clause structures reduce clarity.
Prioritise complete sentence structures with secure subjects and verbs, then check agreement and dependent-clause punctuation systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern medical science has made it possible to combat many diseases. This is one reason that people are living longer lives now than they did in the past. Discuss the effects this might have on society.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.