Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Sample Response
[Argument: advantages of peer pressure outweigh the disadvantages]
The peer group tends to exert influence on the way teenagers behave. While many believe that the influence of peers is immensely important, others opine that it has its obvious drawbacks. I believe that the benefits peer pressure brings outweigh the disadvantages because it can instil a positive attitude towards education, despite the primary drawback, namely substance use, or so on it may cause.
Without any doubt, the influence of peers can inspire young people to build positive behaviours, make good choices, and strive for academic excellence. When friends place emphasis on education and academic performance, it can exert a positive impact on the young’s attitude toward learning. In fact, students who maintain a friend circle who are diligent students may feel a strong motivation to study diligently. Take my brother’s case for example. He works harder to obtain good marks in exams because his friends are determined to achieve academic excellence. They possess a solid work ethic, and now so does he.
However, peer pressure can also exert influence on young people to engage in deviant behaviours. It may make young adults feel obliged to take on bad habits like substance abuse to feel like they are part of the circle and not levelled as boring or weak. For example, if a group of friends get involved in substance abuse, underage drinking, and delinquent activities, a child may feel obligated to conform to these behaviours to avoid exclusion.
Considering all these, I would like to mention that there is no concrete evidence to endorse the view that peer pressure is the primary reason for unacceptable behaviours and substance abuse. There are other factors, like genetics, mental health issues, and social influences, that play a profound role in this case.
To reiterate, the fact that peer pressure can encourage to conform to a positive attitude toward learning clearly outweighs the flawed argument that it can influence young people to develop delinquent behaviour and bad habits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Repair the phrase Original: substance use, or so on it may cause Suggested revision: substance use and similar harms it may cause Why it matters: The original phrase is grammatically malformed and obscures the intended list of harms.
- 2. Use a clear plural Original: the young’s attitude Suggested revision: young people's attitudes Why it matters: The plural possessive phrase is clearer and agrees with the general group being discussed.
- 3. Fix the noun phrase Original: a friend circle who are diligent students Suggested revision: a circle of diligent friends Why it matters: The revision removes the faulty relative-clause structure and repetition.
- 4. Correct the word choice Original: not levelled as boring or weak Suggested revision: not labelled boring or weak Why it matters: Labelled is the intended word for being described in a particular way.
- 5. Use direct wording Original: tends to exert influence Suggested revision: tends to influence Why it matters: The direct verb conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 6. Choose natural register Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue is more natural and precise in this contrast.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: it has its obvious drawbacks Suggested revision: peer influence has obvious drawbacks Why it matters: Naming the subject removes the vague pronoun reference.
- 8. Simplify noun phrase Original: the benefits peer pressure brings Suggested revision: the benefits of peer pressure Why it matters: The revised noun phrase is more compact and natural.
- 9. Use concise emphasis Original: Without any doubt Suggested revision: Undoubtedly Why it matters: A single adverb gives the same emphasis more economically.
- 10. Improve the collocation Original: build positive behaviours Suggested revision: develop positive behaviours Why it matters: Develop collocates more naturally with behaviours in this context.
- 11. Link example to claim Suggested revision: End the brother example with a brief link back to how positive peer influence strengthens educational effort. Why it matters: An explicit link would complete the paragraph's claim-example progression.
- 12. Reduce list repetition Suggested revision: Organize the risks from the general claim to the example, then close by linking conformity to the fear of exclusion. Why it matters: This sequence would make the negative-pressure explanation progress more clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- substance use, or so on it may cause substance use and similar harms it may cause
- the young’s attitude young people's attitudes
- a friend circle who are diligent students a circle of diligent friends
- not levelled as boring or weak not labelled boring or weak
- tends to exert influence tends to influence
- opine argue
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear comparative position and supports both sides with relevant examples, especially the detailed account of positive academic influence. Its main limitation is that the claim that peer pressure is not the primary cause of misconduct is asserted rather than developed and slightly distracts from the requested weighing of advantages against disadvantages. Prioritise deeper comparison of the relative scale and likelihood of each effect while polishing several awkward collocations and sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, and both advantages and disadvantages are relevantly developed with examples.
Compare the relative significance of the two sides more explicitly instead of introducing an undeveloped claim about other causes of misconduct.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through the two sides and conclusion, with clear paragraph-level organisation.
Integrate the short fourth paragraph more directly into the comparative argument so that it advances rather than interrupts the progression.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, but several imprecise or awkward collocations reduce naturalness.
Use more idiomatic combinations, such as being labelled boring and adopting a positive attitude towards learning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of complex structures is evident, although recurring errors in clause construction and complementation affect accuracy.
Check complex sentences for complete clause relationships and verb patterns, particularly constructions such as encourage someone to do something.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.