Some people believe that the rapid increase in population these days is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Others believe that the world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The global population is rapidly increasing at an unprecedented rate. Some people argue that this exponential growth is vital for the development of the world's economy and society, while others believe that it is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a catastrophic global crisis. In my opinion, the rapid population growth is a major concern that needs immediate attention.
Proponents of the increasing global population say that some countries require an increased workforce to reach their economic potential. Many of these countries are already developed, and they satisfy these needs through immigration and exporting goods. Moreover, increasing demand for goods and services may not necessarily result in economic growth. In fact, it may lead to the depletion of resources, and environmental degradation and ultimately, negatively affect the quality of life for everyone.
On the other hand, opponents of the growing global population argue that less developed and developing countries are experiencing significant growth in their population. These countries often struggle to provide basic necessities such as food, water, and healthcare to their inhabitants. With the population continuing to grow, these challenges will only become more acute, and it is likely that they will have to rely on other countries for support, placing a strain on resources and economies.
Therefore, it is crucial that world leaders prioritize sustainable population growth to ensure a healthy balance between population growth and available resources. This may include developing policies that promote access to education and family planning, which can help reduce birth rates. The governments can also promote more efficient use of resources, and the adoption of cleaner technologies to prevent environmental degradation.
In conclusion, while some countries may benefit from population growth, it is clear that the global population increase is unsustainable and poses a significant threat to the planet. Policymakers need to take a comprehensive approach to mitigate the negative impact of population growth while promoting sustainable economic growth and improving the standard of living for all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Resolve unclear pronoun Original: they will have to rely Suggested revision: these countries will have to rely Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase removes ambiguity about the pronoun's referent.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: The governments Suggested revision: Governments Why it matters: The plural noun refers to governments generally, so no article is needed.
- 3. Remove redundant wording Original: rapidly increasing at an unprecedented rate Suggested revision: increasing at an unprecedented rate Why it matters: The adverb and the noun phrase both express speed of change.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: the rapid population growth Suggested revision: rapid population growth Why it matters: The abstract phrase is more natural without the definite article here.
- 5. Use precise comparison Original: an increased workforce Suggested revision: a larger workforce Why it matters: Larger directly describes the required size of the workforce.
- 6. Strengthen collocation Original: reach their economic potential Suggested revision: realize their economic potential Why it matters: Realize economic potential is the more established formal collocation.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: satisfy these needs Suggested revision: meet this need Why it matters: The singular reference points more clearly to the workforce requirement.
- 8. Use parallel nouns Original: through immigration and exporting goods Suggested revision: through immigration and exports Why it matters: Parallel noun forms make the coordinated phrase grammatically balanced.
- 9. Remove list comma Original: resources, and environmental degradation Suggested revision: resources and environmental degradation Why it matters: A comma is not needed between two coordinated noun phrases.
- 10. Avoid overlapping labels Original: less developed and developing countries Suggested revision: developing countries Why it matters: The two labels overlap and make the category less precise.
- 11. Signal the rebuttal Suggested revision: Mark the shift from the proponents' claim to the rebuttal before presenting the demand argument. Why it matters: An explicit turn would clarify why the paragraph moves from a supporting claim to opposing evidence.
- 12. Tighten causal progression Suggested revision: Link the dependency sentence directly to the preceding pressure on basic necessities. Why it matters: A clearer causal bridge would make the paragraph's final consequence easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- they will have to rely these countries will have to rely
- The governments Governments
- rapidly increasing at an unprecedented rate increasing at an unprecedented rate
- the rapid population growth rapid population growth
- an increased workforce a larger workforce
- reach their economic potential realize their economic potential
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response maintains a clear position and develops the risks of rapid population growth through relevant discussion of resources, public services, and environmental pressure. Its organisation and language control are strong, but the supposed economic-benefit view receives limited and partly contradictory support because that paragraph quickly shifts toward disadvantages. The highest-priority improvement is to explain the pro-growth case fully before evaluating it against the sustainability argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the opinion is clear and well supported, but the economic and social benefits of population growth are developed only briefly and unevenly.
Give the pro-growth view a distinct explanation and example before rebutting it, so both required perspectives receive substantial discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and a strong overall progression from the debate to consequences, solutions, and conclusion, despite a local shift in direction within the first body paragraph.
Keep the first body paragraph focused on the benefits view and move the resource-depletion rebuttal into the opposing argument or a separate evaluation sentence.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise academic vocabulary conveys complex economic, social, and environmental ideas naturally, with only occasional minor awkwardness or repetition.
Refine phrases such as satisfy these needs through immigration and vary repeated references to population growth while preserving the essay's precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with only rare minor article, punctuation, or coordination lapses.
Polish isolated details such as the unnecessary article in the governments and avoid commas that interrupt tightly coordinated noun phrases.