Some people support the development of agriculture, like factory farming and the scientific creation of fruits and vegetables, while others oppose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
A group of people believe that scientific approaches and advanced technology in agriculture activities brings a lot of benefits for societies, while others still maintain traditional ways. Both views have their own advantages and disadvantages, and the following essay will discuss in details, but in my personal opinion, I do believe that the old-fashioned ways are better. To begin with, many farmers are using technology and scientific approaches to managing their farms these days. They believe that by using technology such as tractors and dozers or using advanced chemical fertiliser, it will increase their productivity. However, many people do not realise that the usage of these advanced technological approaches has some side effects. For example, many fruits and vegetables that use pesticides have caused allergic diseases in human beings. And then, the over usage of pesticides in farming has made pests became more immune and made the ecosystem became imbalanced. On the other hand, some farmers are still using the old-fashioned ways. They manage their plantations using traditional tools such as using cows, horses and traditional carts. And they prefer to use natural seeds, rather than using special seeds, which was created by scientists. Although the productivity of these farms is definitely lower, they generate healthier foods for mankind. As a result, many people prefer to purchase organic fruits and vegetables nowadays, as they realise that qualities of these organic foods are better than the industrialised ones. In conclusion, it is a fact that some farmers are in favour of using advanced technology and scientific approaches in handling their farms, while others still use the traditional ways. Both approaches have their own benefits and drawbacks, but in my opinion, traditional ways are still better than the modern one, as organic foods are healthier for consumption.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use adjective form Original: agriculture activities Suggested revision: agricultural activities Why it matters: The adjective 'agricultural' is required before the noun.
- 2. Improve collocation Original: benefits for societies Suggested revision: benefits to society Why it matters: The natural collocation is 'bring benefits to society'.
- 3. Complete verb phrase Original: discuss in details Suggested revision: discuss these views in detail Why it matters: The transitive verb needs an object, and the fixed expression is 'in detail'.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: my personal opinion Suggested revision: my opinion Why it matters: An opinion is inherently personal, so the extra adjective is redundant.
- 5. Use academic wording Original: the old-fashioned ways Suggested revision: traditional methods Why it matters: This wording is more precise and appropriately formal for agricultural practices.
- 6. Use concise noun Original: the usage of Suggested revision: the use of Why it matters: 'Use' is the more natural noun in this context.
- 7. Avoid vague wording Original: advanced technological approaches Suggested revision: advanced technologies Why it matters: The shorter term identifies the subject more directly.
- 8. Use formal connector Original: And then, Suggested revision: Furthermore, Why it matters: This connector more accurately signals an additional harmful consequence.
- 9. Use correct noun Original: over usage Suggested revision: overuse Why it matters: 'Overuse' is the standard single-word noun.
- 10. Fix verb form Original: has made pests became Suggested revision: has made pests become Why it matters: The causative structure 'make' takes a bare infinitive.
- 11. Fix verb form Original: made the ecosystem became Suggested revision: made the ecosystem become Why it matters: The causative verb 'made' must be followed by a bare infinitive.
- 12. Remove repetition Original: such as using cows Suggested revision: such as cows Why it matters: The earlier word 'using' already governs the examples, so repeating it is ungrammatical.
Suggested Rewrites
- agriculture activities agricultural activities
- benefits for societies benefits to society
- discuss in details discuss these views in detail
- my personal opinion my opinion
- the old-fashioned ways traditional methods
- the usage of the use of
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay discusses both positions, keeps a clear preference for traditional agriculture, and supports the contrast with relevant points about productivity, pesticides, and food quality. Its reasoning is easy to follow, but development is somewhat general and the single-block presentation, awkward collocations, and recurring grammatical errors reduce polish. Prioritise clearer paragraphing and more precise evidence about the benefits and drawbacks of each approach.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's opinion is consistent, with relevant explanations of productivity and perceived health effects.
Develop the modern-farming case beyond higher output and support claims about pesticides and organic food with more careful, specific reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence from modern methods to traditional farming and a conclusion, but the entire essay is presented as one paragraph.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs so each viewpoint and its supporting evidence form a clear unit.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary for farming methods and food production, although frequent awkward combinations limit precision and naturalness.
Replace phrases such as agriculture activities, over usage, and healthier foods with agricultural practices, overuse, and healthier produce.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures, but agreement, verb-form, and relative-clause errors recur throughout while meaning remains clear.
Check subject-verb agreement and causative structures, correcting forms such as approaches bring, it will increase, and made pests become resistant.