Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings? What is your viewpoint on this issue? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Sample Response
Some may acquiesce with the fact that replacing old structures with contemporary monuments is a good idea while others may not condone with this. However, I candidly believe that historic structures should be preserved. This essay outlines the coherent reasons for doing so. Industrialization has evolved, thus leading to an insatiable desire for wealth. Demolishing of old buildings for spaces to build casinos and hotels has been a norm these days. Old buildings are a depiction of our native history for example; the Jalian Wala Bagh in Amritsar, shows the people who lost their lives, this revives patriotism in the youth. The Taj Mahal in India, a monument of love serves as an example of unconditional love. These are emblems which will assist children to learn history. In New Zealand, old earth pots were discovered from old monuments, that helped assess which cereals our ancestors ate. Secondly, History revitalizes the tourism industry, an instance of this is the Fort Jesus Museum in Mombasa, Kenya. A huge number of local and foreign tourists pay a visit to the museum regularly. This thus leads to an appreciation of the local currency and cross-cultural pollination, therefore bringing a country to a trajectory model. The funds raised through tourism may be used for refurbishing the old structures. To recapitulate it all, I firmly believe historical structures are a heritage of any country. Thereby destroying them is like unleashing a lethal war on our history. An example is better than a precept, and history can, therefore, be taught by the use of old monuments.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix word choice Original: acquiesce with the fact Suggested revision: agree Why it matters: "Acquiesce" does not take "with the fact" and implies reluctant acceptance rather than simply holding a view.
- 2. Name modern structures Original: contemporary monuments Suggested revision: modern buildings Why it matters: The contrast concerns old and new buildings, whereas "monuments" usually refers to commemorative structures.
- 3. Fix verb pattern Original: condone with this Suggested revision: support this view Why it matters: "Condone" does not take "with" and usually means accepting behaviour considered wrong.
- 4. Use natural stance Original: candidly believe Suggested revision: firmly believe Why it matters: "Firmly believe" is the natural collocation for expressing a strong position in an academic essay.
- 5. Fix noun phrase Original: Demolishing of old buildings Suggested revision: The demolition of old buildings Why it matters: The gerund phrase is malformed here; the noun "demolition" needs the definite article.
- 6. Clarify purpose Original: for spaces to build Suggested revision: to create space for Why it matters: This phrase naturally expresses that demolition makes land available for casinos and hotels.
- 7. Fix time expression Original: has been a norm these days Suggested revision: has become common Why it matters: The present-perfect construction is awkward with "these days"; this replacement expresses a current trend concisely.
- 8. Use precise modifier Original: our native history Suggested revision: our national history Why it matters: "National history" more precisely describes the shared history represented by a country's buildings.
- 9. Fix punctuation Original: for example; Suggested revision: for example: Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the specific example that follows.
- 10. Remove wrong comma Original: Amritsar, shows Suggested revision: Amritsar shows Why it matters: A comma should not separate the subject from its verb.
- 11. Join the clauses Original: this revives Suggested revision: and this can revive Why it matters: The conjunction prevents a comma splice and "can" avoids presenting the claimed effect as automatic.
- 12. Use accurate noun Original: old earth pots Suggested revision: ancient earthenware Why it matters: "Earthenware" is the natural term for pottery made from fired clay.
Suggested Rewrites
- acquiesce with the fact agree
- contemporary monuments modern buildings
- condone with this support this view
- candidly believe firmly believe
- Demolishing of old buildings The demolition of old buildings
- for spaces to build to create space for
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear position in favour of preservation and supports it with relevant historical, educational, and tourism examples. Its main limitation is precision: several examples are connected through assertions rather than fully explained reasoning, while forced vocabulary and sentence-boundary errors sometimes obscure the logic. Prioritise developing two reasons step by step and replacing inflated expressions with direct, accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear pro-preservation position is maintained and supported with relevant reasons and examples, though some claims are asserted rather than fully explained.
Explain explicitly how one historical example supports education and how one tourism example creates lasting public value before moving to the next point.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable introduction, history, tourism, and conclusion sequence, but the single paragraph and mechanical linking weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for the two main reasons and replace repeated connectors such as "thus" and "therefore" with clearer logical transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad range of vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations such as "acquiesce with," "cross-cultural pollination," and "trajectory model" reduce precision.
Prefer direct, conventional wording such as "agree with," "cultural exchange," and "economic growth" throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms conveys the main ideas, although comma splices, fragments, and faulty clause structures occur repeatedly.
Separate run-on examples into complete sentences and revise fragments such as "Thereby destroying them" into fully controlled clauses.
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