When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many people contemplate their salary as the most salient feature of their job while others believe that other aspects could be more important. In my opinion, a job should have ethical demands and needs to be passion-oriented and salary is not the most important aspect.
Let us first examine why passion is a prominent part of people's professional life and hold more importance than salary. No doubt, passion acts as the fuel that drives people to withstand the caustic side of their work. If people chose a job that is not connected to their passion, they will fall victim to depression and perform poorly at their jobs no matter the salary. On the other hand, if we examine successful people's stories, we would find that almost all of them have been in the career that they were passionate about. Suppose Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, both of them were tech enthusiasts, and therefore took technology as the means of their career.
Besides, a job needs to be ethically demanding and people need to find something to do for humanity and society besides the remuneration it offers. Doing something for people not only will provide mental satisfaction but also will strengthen the purpose of their job life. Take Mother Theresa or Nelson Mandala for an example. Both of them are highly admired for their works for humanity and they did their best because they knew they were doing something for others and to make the world a better place.
To conclude, salary is somewhat important for people to support their expenses but if they do not feel attached to their work, they will feel exhausted in their life. They will also be suppressed by the undue pressure that could have been avoided if they had the passion and ethical context in their job. This is why salary is not the most important aspect of a career.
[Writtne by - Amin ]
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong verb Original: contemplate their salary as Suggested revision: regard salary as Why it matters: Regard is more natural in this structure.
- 2. Simpler wording Original: most salient feature Suggested revision: most important feature Why it matters: Salient means noticeable; important is clearer here.
- 3. Meaning issue Original: ethical demands Suggested revision: an ethical purpose Why it matters: The argument is about moral value, not demands.
- 4. Natural phrase Original: passion-oriented Suggested revision: aligned with one's passion Why it matters: This is more idiomatic.
- 5. Academic tone Original: Let us first examine Suggested revision: First, it is important to examine Why it matters: The current phrase is slightly conversational.
- 6. Plural agreement Original: people's professional life Suggested revision: people's professional lives Why it matters: People is plural.
- 7. Collocation Original: hold more importance Suggested revision: is more important Why it matters: The simpler phrase is clearer and more idiomatic.
- 8. Less figurative Original: passion acts as the fuel Suggested revision: passion motivates people Why it matters: The metaphor is understandable but less academic.
- 9. Wrong adjective Original: caustic side of their work Suggested revision: difficult aspects of their work Why it matters: Caustic usually means corrosive or sarcastic.
- 10. Tense choice Original: If people chose a job Suggested revision: If people choose a job Why it matters: The sentence describes a general condition.
- 11. Overstatement Original: fall victim to depression Suggested revision: become unhappy Why it matters: The original is too strong without evidence.
- 12. Number and article Original: have been in the career Suggested revision: have been in careers Why it matters: The sentence refers to successful people generally.
Suggested Rewrites
- contemplate their salary as regard salary as
- most salient feature most important feature
- ethical demands an ethical purpose
- passion-oriented aligned with one's passion
- Let us first examine First, it is important to examine
- people's professional life people's professional lives
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response clearly disagrees with the statement and supports the view with passion, ethics, and purpose. Examples are relevant, though the ethical-demands point could be explained more precisely.
Explain how ethical purpose affects ordinary job choice, not only famous humanitarian examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well paragraphized and progresses from opinion to reasons and conclusion. Some transitions are slightly broad, but the argument remains easy to follow.
Use topic sentences that show the relationship between salary, passion, and ethical purpose more explicitly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally flexible and expressive, with terms such as salient, remuneration, passion-oriented, and mental satisfaction. A few word choices are unnatural or too dramatic.
Replace overgeneral or awkward expressions such as ethical demands and caustic side with precise academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly controlled, with effective complex sentences. There are some tense, article, and phrase-level errors, plus a spelling error in the attribution line.
Proofread for tense consistency and proper names after finishing the essay.