The proliferation of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problems of pollution and may contribute to global warming. Some people think that governments should spend money for development of public transportation systems in order to help alleviate this problem. Others think it is better to spend money for the development of electric and other types of cars that may cause less pollution. Do you think it is better for a government to spend money developing public transportation or developing new kinds of cars? Why or why not?
Sample Response
In the present time, the earth is facing the worst fact that increased number of personal vehicles on the highways is resulting in increasing air pollution which is the premium contributing factor of global warming. It has sparked a heated debate in between the folks who assume that this devastating situation could be handled if the state makes a budget for improving our local traffic systems and the people who believe that the creation of vehicles those are advance and run by electricity could solve the problem easily. Although, I believe that, both the ways are good enough to manage the condition effectively.
To start with, global warming is a worldwide concern for modern generations. To deal with this, many countries are imposing some effective rules and legislations on the traffic systems. Similarly, many highway codes are being changed recently to minimise the severity of pollutions. Though it should be done earlier but it is “better late than never”. For example, in the UK, highway codes are maintaining very strictly, thus emissions of greenhouse gases are reduced remarkably.
Further, nowadays a newly invented type of cars are being noticed on the roads of developed countries. These are the hybrid cars, those are made by electricity and compressed gas combinedly. For instance, these hybrid cars are much more effective for reducing pollutions as they are using electricity rather than carbon dioxide emitting fuels such as petrol and diesel. Furthermore, in many developing countries, CNG based vehicles are introduced those are environment-friendly.
To summarise, in my opinion, we must foot the bill of this devastating outcome of global warming, if we are not being aware and the good news is governments are now making some positive approaches to save the environment followed by saving our world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural opening language Original: In the present time, the earth is facing the worst fact that Suggested revision: At present, Earth faces the serious problem that Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and worst fact does not express the intended problem clearly.
- 2. Add the article Original: increased number Suggested revision: the increased number Why it matters: The specific increase requires the definite article in this construction.
- 3. Avoid repetitive wording Original: is resulting in increasing air pollution Suggested revision: is causing greater air pollution Why it matters: The revision removes the awkward repetition of resulting and increasing.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: premium contributing factor Suggested revision: major contributing factor Why it matters: Major is the natural adjective for an important contributing factor.
- 5. Remove the extra preposition Original: in between Suggested revision: between Why it matters: Between alone correctly introduces the two sides of the debate.
- 6. Use formal wording Original: folks Suggested revision: people Why it matters: People is more appropriate than the conversational folks in an academic essay.
- 7. Correct the funding phrase Original: makes a budget for Suggested revision: allocates funding to Why it matters: Allocate funding is the natural collocation for government expenditure.
- 8. Fix the relative clause Original: vehicles those are advance and run by electricity Suggested revision: advanced vehicles that run on electricity Why it matters: The revision corrects the relative pronoun, adjective form, and preposition.
- 9. Correct clause punctuation Original: Although, I believe that, both the ways are Suggested revision: However, I believe that both approaches are Why it matters: Although cannot stand alone here, and the commas and article are incorrect.
- 10. Use an uncountable noun Original: legislations Suggested revision: legislation Why it matters: Legislation is uncountable in this general sense.
- 11. Correct the preposition Original: on the traffic systems Suggested revision: for transport systems Why it matters: Rules and legislation are imposed for or applied to systems, not imposed on the systems in this sense.
- 12. Use present perfect Original: are being changed recently Suggested revision: have recently been changed Why it matters: Recently with a completed change requires the present perfect here.
Suggested Rewrites
- In the present time, the earth is facing the worst fact that At present, Earth faces the serious problem that
- increased number the increased number
- is resulting in increasing air pollution is causing greater air pollution
- premium contributing factor major contributing factor
- in between between
- folks people
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response shows an attempt to organise the discussion and uses some relevant environmental vocabulary, particularly when describing lower-emission vehicles. However, it does not clearly choose and justify one of the two spending priorities, and its discussion of public transport is replaced largely by comments about highway rules. The highest-priority improvement is to make a direct comparative judgement and develop both funding options with relevant reasons before defending the preferred one.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response touches on pollution reduction but does not directly resolve the required choice, while public-transport investment is barely developed.
State which spending option is better and compare the effectiveness of public transport with cleaner-car development using specific reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic signposting provide a visible structure, but progression is weakened by off-focus material and a conclusion that does not resolve the argument.
Give each body paragraph one spending option and use the conclusion to state the comparative judgement clearly.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in environmental vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make several claims awkward or imprecise.
Prioritise accurate common expressions such as allocate funding, enforce regulations, and reduce emissions over forced or unnatural phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, relative clauses, verb forms, and punctuation sometimes strain meaning.
Use shorter controlled complex sentences and check every clause for a clear subject, correct verb form, and accurate connector.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The proliferation of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problems of pollution and may contribute to global warming. Some people think that governments should spend money for development of public transportation systems in order to help alleviate this problem. Others think it is better to spend money for the development of electric and other types of cars that may cause less pollution. Do you think it is better for a government to spend money developing public transportation or developing new kinds of cars? Why or why not?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.