A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.
Sample Response
People learn and develop throughout their entire lives. I think that in our modern world it is quite essential to be familiar with computer technology. So, if I had a chance to give a child a gift it would be a computer. I think that computers play an essential role in our lives and they bring many benefits to our society. Moreover, children can learn by use of computers. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support my answer.
First of all, by use of computers children can play many games, which help to improve children's ability to think logically, think about their next step, etc. Moreover, playing games develop many important qualities such as attention, patience, persistent, etc. Second of all, computers help children to learn more about anything by use of Internet. They can find new friends even from another country. Children will improve their communication skills, gain more knowledge and experience. Also, children have a great opportunity to learn more about other countries, their history, traditions and customs. Finally, computer skills can help a child to find his or her first job. A child can find an advertisement on the Internet about a job offer or he or she can make a resume and place it on the Internet. Personally, I think it is a great experience and a big step forward towards a future career.
In addition to those practical benefits, computer technology helps children to do their homework faster. They can type their data into the computer, easily check the grammar, correct mistakes and then print it out. Moreover, there are plenty different kinds of educational programs that can help children learn how to read, write, draw and even how to behave and speak a foreign language.
To conclude, I believe that children should learn how to use a computer because this knowledge will help them in the future to be more self-confident and enterprising. Furthermore, computers can greatly improve and simplify their lives if children know how to use them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: throughout their entire lives Suggested revision: throughout their lives Why it matters: Throughout already covers the whole period, so entire is unnecessary.
- 2. Use concise time wording Original: our modern world Suggested revision: today's world Why it matters: Today's world expresses the contemporary context more concisely.
- 3. Avoid a weak intensifier Original: quite essential Suggested revision: essential Why it matters: Essential is already absolute enough without the vague intensifier quite.
- 4. Use a formal transition Original: So, Suggested revision: Therefore, Why it matters: Therefore signals the resulting choice more formally in an academic essay.
- 5. Choose formal wording Original: a chance Suggested revision: the opportunity Why it matters: Opportunity is more precise for a hypothetical ability to give the gift.
- 6. Add the missing comma Original: a gift it would Suggested revision: a gift, it would Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory conditional clause.
- 7. Correct the method phrase Original: children can learn by use of computers Suggested revision: children can learn by using computers Why it matters: By using is the natural grammatical form for expressing method.
- 8. Fix phrasing and punctuation Original: by use of computers children can play Suggested revision: by using computers, children can play Why it matters: The method phrase needs a gerund and a following comma in this position.
- 9. Use a direct complement Original: help to improve children's ability Suggested revision: help improve children's ability Why it matters: Help can take the bare infinitive for a more concise construction.
- 10. Avoid repeated wording Original: think logically, think about Suggested revision: think logically and consider Why it matters: Consider removes the immediate repetition of think while preserving the idea.
- 11. Replace the vague ending Original: their next step, etc. Suggested revision: their next steps Why it matters: The plural phrase states the intended planning skill without an imprecise etcetera.
- 12. Fix subject agreement Original: playing games develop Suggested revision: playing games develops Why it matters: The gerund phrase playing games functions as a singular subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- throughout their entire lives throughout their lives
- our modern world today's world
- quite essential essential
- So, Therefore,
- a chance the opportunity
- a gift it would a gift, it would
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay makes a clear gift choice and offers a broad range of relevant benefits, from logical thinking to education and future employment. Its main limitation is that the support is often list-like or general, while repeated phrasing and several word-form and agreement errors reduce precision. Prioritise developing two or three strongest reasons with concrete child-centred examples, then proofread recurring forms such as 'playing games develops' and 'persistence'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The choice of a computer is clear and supported by several relevant benefits, although some claims remain general or only loosely connected to a child's development.
Select two or three age-appropriate benefits and explain each through a concrete example of how the child would develop.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure provides clear overall progression, but the long second paragraph accumulates several ideas through mechanical signposting.
Group games, online learning, and practical skills into separate focused paragraphs or develop fewer points more selectively.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate and sometimes varied, but repeated phrases such as 'by use of computers' and inaccurate forms such as 'persistent' reduce naturalness.
Use natural alternatives such as 'using a computer' and check that nouns, adjectives, and verbs fit their grammatical roles.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences keeps meaning clear, though agreement, article, and word-form errors recur.
Proofread subject-verb agreement and noun phrases, correcting forms such as 'playing games develops' and 'plenty of different kinds'.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
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