A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.
Sample Response
People learn and develop throughout their livesthroughout their entire lives. I think that in today's worldour modern world it is essentialquite essential to be familiar with computer technology. ThereforeSo, if I had the opportunitya chance to give a child a gift, it woulda gift it would be a computer. I think that computers play an essential role in our lives and they bring many benefits to our society. Moreover, children can learn by using computerschildren can learn by use of computers. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support my answer.
First of all, by using computers, children can playby use of computers children can play many games, which help improve children's abilityhelp to improve children's ability to think logically and considerthink logically, think about their next stepstheir next step, etc. Moreover, playing games developsdevelop many important qualities such as attention, patience, and persistenceattention, patience, persistent, etc. SecondlySecond of all, computers help children to learn more about a wide range of subjects by using the Internetanything by use of Internet. They can find new friends even from another country. Children will improve their communication skills, gain more knowledge and experience. Also, children have a great opportunity to learn more about other countries, their history, traditions and customs. Finally, computer skills can help a child to find his or her first job. A child can find an online job advertisementan advertisement on the Internet about a job offer or he or she can make a resume and place it on the Internet. Personally, I think it is a great experience and a big step forward towards a future career.
In addition to those practical benefits, computer technology helps children to do their homework faster. They can type their data into the computer, easily check the grammar, correct mistakes and then print it out. Moreover, there are plenty different kinds of educational programs that can help children learn how to read, write, draw and even how to behave and speak a foreign language.
To conclude, I believe that children should learn how to use a computer because this knowledge will help them in the future to be more self-confident and enterprising. Furthermore, computers can greatly improve and simplify their lives if children know how to use them.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay makes a clear gift choice and offers a broad range of relevant benefits, from logical thinking to education and future employment. Its main limitation is that the support is often list-like or general, while repeated phrasing and several word-form and agreement errors reduce precision. Prioritise developing two or three strongest reasons with concrete child-centred examples, then proofread recurring forms such as 'playing games develops' and 'persistence'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The choice of a computer is clear and supported by several relevant benefits, although some claims remain general or only loosely connected to a child's development.
Select two or three age-appropriate benefits and explain each through a concrete example of how the child would develop.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure provides clear overall progression, but the long second paragraph accumulates several ideas through mechanical signposting.
Group games, online learning, and practical skills into separate focused paragraphs or develop fewer points more selectively.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate and sometimes varied, but repeated phrases such as 'by use of computers' and inaccurate forms such as 'persistent' reduce naturalness.
Use natural alternatives such as 'using a computer' and check that nouns, adjectives, and verbs fit their grammatical roles.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences keeps meaning clear, though agreement, article, and word-form errors recur.
Proofread subject-verb agreement and noun phrases, correcting forms such as 'playing games develops' and 'plenty of different kinds'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.