Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Perhaps no subject around the world causes as much controversy as education does. There has long been a positive attitude towards using computers at schools, nowadays. While there are persuasive arguments in favour of boosting teachers' wages, I would argue that computers are much more necessary.
On the one hand, it is suggested that teachers play a vital role in education and society as a whole. To begin with, providing teachers with high wages is a top priority in schooling systems. Since they are paid well, they motivate to transfer lessons to students with a considerable amount of energy. Besides, what is quite indispensable in schools is the presence of teachers so as to having mutual interaction between them and students which leads to students' success. It is obvious that if teachers find their salary as high as possible, they will be more likely to enjoy teaching.
On the other hand, I advocate the role of computers in education. Firstly, we are living in a modern world and due to this students need to be familiar with the benefits of using computers as a means of study. Thus it is worthwhile that budget is allocated to purchase them. These devices facilitate the way pupils learn their materials. In addition, from a psychological perspective, recently youngsters are unwilling to attend school. Therefore, the widespread use of the computers can act as a driving force to create pleasant school atmosphere.
In conclusion, although teachers with a high salary are considered to be highly beneficial for the educational system, I believe that financial support for providing computers has far advantages. They alter the way knowledge are transferred and provide gratitude for pupils.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix phrase order Original: at schools, nowadays Suggested revision: in schools nowadays Why it matters: The preposition and adverb placement are incorrect in the original phrase.
- 2. Use precise comparison Original: much more necessary Suggested revision: a greater priority Why it matters: The replacement expresses the funding comparison more naturally.
- 3. Fix verb pattern Original: they motivate to transfer lessons Suggested revision: they are motivated to teach Why it matters: Teachers are motivated to teach; the original construction is ungrammatical.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: with a considerable amount of energy Suggested revision: with considerable energy Why it matters: The uncountable noun does not require the longer quantity expression here.
- 5. Correct infinitive form Original: so as to having Suggested revision: to have Why it matters: The purpose construction requires an infinitive rather than a gerund.
- 6. Simplify the phrase Original: mutual interaction between them and students Suggested revision: interaction with students Why it matters: Interaction is already reciprocal, so 'mutual' and the longer construction are redundant.
- 7. Repair comparison structure Original: find their salary as high as possible Suggested revision: receive higher salaries Why it matters: The original 'find ... as high as possible' construction does not express the intended condition correctly.
- 8. Add clear connector Original: due to this students Suggested revision: therefore, students Why it matters: The replacement correctly links the modern context to the stated consequence.
- 9. Fix worthwhile pattern Original: it is worthwhile that budget is allocated Suggested revision: it is worthwhile allocating a budget Why it matters: 'Worthwhile' is naturally followed by a gerund phrase in this construction.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: facilitate the way pupils learn their materials Suggested revision: make it easier for pupils to learn Why it matters: The original verb-noun combination is unnatural and obscures the intended benefit.
- 11. Remove vague framing Original: from a psychological perspective, recently youngsters are unwilling Suggested revision: many young people are currently unwilling Why it matters: The replacement states the same point without an unsupported technical-sounding frame.
- 12. Remove the article Original: the computers Suggested revision: computers Why it matters: The plural noun refers to computers generally and therefore takes no definite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- at schools, nowadays in schools nowadays
- much more necessary a greater priority
- they motivate to transfer lessons they are motivated to teach
- with a considerable amount of energy with considerable energy
- so as to having to have
- mutual interaction between them and students interaction with students
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response discusses both spending priorities and maintains a clear preference for computers, with a conventional structure that makes the argument easy to follow. However, the supporting claims are often general, and frequent awkward collocations and grammatical constructions reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each view with a specific, credible explanation or example while revising sentences for natural word choice and accurate verb patterns.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a clear opinion is maintained, though several supporting points remain generalized or insufficiently convincing.
Develop each side with a specific explanation or example that shows how the proposed spending would improve educational outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically divided and progresses clearly from one view to the other, with generally effective linking.
Make connections within paragraphs less formulaic by linking each supporting sentence directly to the preceding claim.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as 'far advantages' and 'provide gratitude' weaken precision.
Use familiar, accurate combinations such as 'greater advantages' and 'make learning more engaging' instead of forcing less natural expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are mixed, but recurring errors in verb patterns, articles, agreement, and sentence structure reduce control.
Focus on accurate verb complements and agreement, for example 'motivate them to teach' and 'knowledge is transferred'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.