Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some people favour sharing information for research works, business development and academic needs without any filters or restrictions. Others, however, feel differently and opine that sensitive and valuable information should not be shared in any case. Both parties have their reasons, and this essay will examine both perspectives. I personally tend to believe that not all information should be shared freely, even for scientific, research and business purposes.
Those who support unrestrained access to all information say that when information is made available to organisations, scientists, researchers, and academics, they are best utilised. Since those people work to bring innovations, restricting them from accessing important information can hinder progress. For instance, if expert economists are denied access to the state's financial data, they would neither be able to guide the nation for a better financial future nor alert the nation in case of an imminent financial crisis.
On the other hand, proponents of restricting access to important data believe that some information should never be shared because it can sometimes be catastrophic. For instance, if a state allows businesses to have unrestricted access to all the data related to citizens, the organisations would start violating citizens' privacy. They would start using the data for their business gains while also selling the data to other companies. Moreover, nations have intelligence and defence agencies, and if their findings are shared with academics and researchers, they would end up falling into the wrong hands and thus compromising the state's sovereignty and power of defence.
Considering all these aspects, I believe that a state should share information that can bring innovation and help the nation progress, and at the same time, make some data restricted so that bad people do not have access to such critical and sensitive data.
In conclusion, information is immensely important when they are properly utilised and could also be destructive if they are misused by the wrong people. This is why the information should be shared for the betterment of the nation but some sensitive data should never be made restricted.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Uncountable research Original: research works Suggested revision: research Why it matters: Research is normally uncountable when referring to the field or activity.
- 2. More precise purpose Original: academic needs Suggested revision: academic purposes Why it matters: Academic purposes is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 3. Natural access phrase Original: without any filters or restrictions Suggested revision: without any limits or restrictions Why it matters: Limits is more natural than filters when describing access to information.
- 4. Use direct reporting Original: opine that Suggested revision: argue that Why it matters: Argue is clearer and more natural for presenting a position in an essay.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: scientific, research and business purposes Suggested revision: scientific and business purposes Why it matters: Scientific and research overlap here, so retaining both is redundant.
- 6. Pronoun agreement Original: they are best utilised Suggested revision: it is best utilised Why it matters: The uncountable noun information requires the singular pronoun it.
- 7. Correct collocation Original: bring innovations Suggested revision: produce innovations Why it matters: Produce innovations is the natural verb-noun combination here.
- 8. Concise noun phrase Original: restricting them from accessing Suggested revision: restricting their access to Why it matters: This construction is more concise and connects directly to important information.
- 9. Correct preposition Original: guide the nation for a better financial future Suggested revision: guide the nation towards a better financial future Why it matters: Guide towards correctly expresses movement toward an intended outcome.
- 10. Clarify warning relation Original: alert the nation in case of Suggested revision: warn the nation about Why it matters: Warn about directly identifies the danger being communicated.
- 11. Clarify pronoun reference Original: it can sometimes be catastrophic Suggested revision: its release can sometimes be catastrophic Why it matters: The revision makes clear that releasing the information, rather than the information itself, causes the danger.
- 12. Concise data phrase Original: all the data related to citizens Suggested revision: all citizens' data Why it matters: The possessive construction conveys the same relationship more concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- research works research
- academic needs academic purposes
- without any filters or restrictions without any limits or restrictions
- opine that argue that
- scientific, research and business purposes scientific and business purposes
- they are best utilised it is best utilised
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses both perspectives, maintains a clear qualified opinion, and supports its case with relevant examples involving financial data, privacy, and national security. Its main weakness is occasional imprecise wording and a contradictory final statement about whether sensitive data should be restricted. The priority is to proofread the conclusion so it accurately restates the nuanced position and preserves precise reference throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are directly discussed with relevant support, and a clear nuanced opinion is maintained until the contradictory final clause.
Make the conclusion restate unambiguously that beneficial information may be shared while sensitive information remains restricted.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing generally managed effectively.
Combine the brief penultimate opinion paragraph with the conclusion to avoid repeating the position across two closing paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise academic vocabulary supports the argument, despite occasional awkward or vague choices.
Refine expressions such as 'research works', 'business gains', and 'bad people' into more exact academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, although several agreement and reference errors remain.
Check singular uncountable nouns and their pronouns, particularly keeping 'information' consistently paired with 'it'.
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