A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It has become a debatable topic about the exploitation of animals by mankind. Some people believed that animals should not be exploited and should be treated fairly by human beings. In contrast, others think animals should be utilised to assist humans in various kinds of ways, such as the source of food or for medical testing. The following essay will discuss both views in details, but in my opinion, I believe that animals can be used as the source of food or to assist human beings in the proportionate way and human should treat them properly.
On the one hand, a group of people believe that mankind does not have the rights to exploit animals, as they are also living creatures. It is true that animals live by following their instinct, but they have the same feeling as human beings, therefore it would not be fair for mankind to exploit them. In several cases, it has been reported that some of the cows had cried before they were slaughtered in the slaughterhouse, which means that they also had the same feeling as human beings. In another reported cases, some of the animals was treated poorly by their masters, though they had been exploited heavily and made them sick or injured.
On the other hand, it is undeniable that mankind needs the assistant of animals in various kinds of ways. Firstly, some animals are needed by humans to assist them in producing and providing foods. In many countries, cows, buffalos or horses are used by farmers to cultivate their farming areas, and some dairy farms animals such as chicken and sheep are slaughtered for their meats. Without the existence of these animals, there would be a humanity issue about the lack of food supplies and starvation for mankind. Secondly, some animals are used in certain scientific experiments or medical testing for the sake of humanity. Several new drugs are being tested in some mice or monkeys before they are being tested on human beings. Although it might seem as an inhuman act, but these experiments have saved thousands of human lives.
In conclusion, people have different opinions about the exploitation of animals. Some people agree with the statement but others disagree with it. In my opinion, I think the employment or the usage of animals to help human beings is not a problem, as long as we exploit them in a proportionate way. For example, as many farmers use dogs as their assistant in their field and the dogs should be treated and fed properly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fixed phrase Original: in details Suggested revision: in detail Why it matters: The correct phrase is in detail.
- 2. Natural phrasing Original: as the source of food Suggested revision: as a source of food Why it matters: A source is more natural because animals are one possible source.
- 3. Article error Original: in the proportionate way Suggested revision: in a proportionate way Why it matters: Use a for this general expression.
- 4. Plural noun Original: human should treat them Suggested revision: humans should treat them Why it matters: The general noun should be plural.
- 5. Uncountable idea Original: does not have the rights Suggested revision: does not have the right Why it matters: Have the right to do something is the usual form.
- 6. Plural noun Original: same feeling as human beings Suggested revision: same feelings as human beings Why it matters: Feelings is more natural when referring to emotions generally.
- 7. Number agreement Original: In another reported cases Suggested revision: In other reported cases Why it matters: Another is singular, but cases is plural.
- 8. Agreement Original: some of the animals was treated Suggested revision: some of the animals were treated Why it matters: Animals is plural, so use were.
- 9. Wrong noun Original: needs the assistant of animals Suggested revision: needs the assistance of animals Why it matters: Assistance is the noun; assistant is a person who helps.
- 10. Uncountable noun Original: providing foods Suggested revision: providing food Why it matters: Food is usually uncountable in this general context.
- 11. Wrong category Original: dairy farms animals Suggested revision: farm animals Why it matters: Chickens and sheep are farm animals, not dairy farm animals.
- 12. Word choice Original: humanity issue Suggested revision: humanitarian issue Why it matters: Humanitarian issue is the natural phrase for food shortages and suffering.
Suggested Rewrites
- in details in detail
- as the source of food as a source of food
- in the proportionate way in a proportionate way
- human should treat them humans should treat them
- does not have the rights does not have the right
- same feeling as human beings same feelings as human beings
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are discussed and a clear opinion is given. The response is relevant and developed, though some supporting examples are simplistic or questionable.
Strengthen the opinion by defining what proportionate use means and giving one realistic limit on animal use.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is clear and progression is easy to follow, though some referencing and linking phrases are repetitive.
Use more precise topic sentences and avoid repeating some people and on the other hand too mechanically.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range for the topic, but errors in collocation and word form reduce accuracy.
Use natural phrases such as animal welfare, humane treatment, food production, medical research, and ethical limits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted, but article, plural, agreement, and passive-structure errors occur regularly.
Check plural nouns after some of, agreement with animals, and avoid although plus but in one sentence.