Renowned and successful sports professionals earn a lot more than people in other important professions. While many people think that it is unfair, a large group of people say that this is totally justified. What is your viewpoint on this issue?
Sample Response
As a result of constant media attention towards sports players, they have become superstars like the filmstars. They are getting huge salaries and they are the owner of luxurious homes, supercars and sophisticated mobile devices in order to show off their personality as a superstar. Actually, the media is playing a vital role in increasing the popularity of sports stars and to make them popular among people so that they can get huge amounts in shape of salaries. Some people believe that sports players are receiving excessive big salaries and they have become extravagant compared to doctors and scientists and which is unfair. Therefore, sports players are not contributing or taking any part to provide helpful services in order to give advantages to people. But still, their salaries are immensely high. However, scientists and doctors’ salaries are far less than sports players. Numerous people recommend that salaries of sportsmen should be reduced to bring it to an appropriate level. On the other hand, growing numbers of people believe that sportsmen are playing a vital role to show their skills in front of the camera and no doubt every stunt they perform is real and cannot be hidden from the public. Life-threatening risks are taken by those players and life is in danger while performing a live stunt. For instance, a motorbike rider puts his life in danger and climbs to jump from a mountain to hit his mark. Furthermore, a skydiver jumps from the aeroplane and takes a huge risk of life only to amuse public. Moreover, they practice numerous times to become experts no matter which game they intend to perform in front of the camera. Therefore practice is likely to be long run or short run but still they give every effort to win an ordinary competition and to show impressive and distinctive performance to break the record of previous players. For this purpose, they also spend huge money to buy a lot of equipment and they spend many nights and days keep practising. So, they are competent of receiving huge salaries which are uncountable. In conclusion, I strongly agree that sports stars should be given immense salaries as their constant practice and hardworking is much more than doctors and engineers no matter even if they do not provide any advantage or service to public but still it will be justice to reward them with big salaries, the reason behind this that sometimes they involve in life threatening games.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match plural subject Original: they are the owner Suggested revision: they are the owners Why it matters: The plural subject 'they' requires the plural complement 'owners'.
- 2. Use precise expression Original: show off their personality Suggested revision: project their image Why it matters: The replacement more accurately describes presenting a public superstar persona.
- 3. Correct salary phrase Original: in shape of salaries Suggested revision: in salaries Why it matters: The original phrase is not idiomatic in this context.
- 4. Use adverb modifier Original: excessive big salaries Suggested revision: excessively large salaries Why it matters: An adverb is needed to modify the adjective 'large'.
- 5. Repair relative clause Original: and which is unfair Suggested revision: which they consider unfair Why it matters: The replacement removes the faulty conjunction and gives the relative clause a clear subject.
- 6. Correct verb pattern Original: taking any part to provide Suggested revision: playing any part in providing Why it matters: The phrase requires 'play a part in' followed by a gerund.
- 7. Use concise verb Original: give advantages to people Suggested revision: benefit people Why it matters: The single verb expresses the intended meaning more naturally.
- 8. Compare salaries correctly Original: far less than sports players Suggested revision: far lower than those of sports players Why it matters: The revision compares salaries with salaries rather than with people.
- 9. Correct pronoun agreement Original: bring it to Suggested revision: bring them to Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun 'salaries'.
- 10. Use standard quantifier Original: growing numbers of people Suggested revision: a growing number of people Why it matters: The singular construction is the conventional expression for an increasing group.
- 11. Correct role construction Original: playing a vital role to show Suggested revision: playing a vital role by showing Why it matters: The preposition 'by' correctly introduces how the role is performed.
- 12. Clarify clause link Original: no doubt Suggested revision: undoubtedly, Why it matters: The adverb with a comma separates this claim clearly from the preceding coordinated clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- they are the owner they are the owners
- show off their personality project their image
- in shape of salaries in salaries
- excessive big salaries excessively large salaries
- and which is unfair which they consider unfair
- taking any part to provide playing any part in providing
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response takes a clear final position and supplies several examples to support the importance of effort and risk in sport. Its main limitation is that much of the support concerns stunt performers rather than renowned sports professionals, while repeated awkward phrasing and one-block organisation weaken precision and flow. Prioritise directly relevant reasons for exceptional earnings, then develop each in a separate, accurately controlled paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear viewpoint is given and both sides are considered, but key examples are only partly relevant and several claims lack convincing support.
Base the justification on professional athletes' careers, market value, training, and limited earning years rather than stunt performers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad contrast between unfairness and justification is visible, but the single paragraph and repetitive linking weaken progression.
Build separate paragraphs around one central reason each and use referencing instead of repeated stock connectors.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some range, but frequent unnatural collocations and imprecise expressions limit clarity and flexibility.
Replace phrases such as risk of life and competent of receiving with accurate, natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, clauses, agreement, and sentence boundaries reduce accuracy.
Use shorter controlled sentences and proofread each clause for a complete grammatical structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Renowned and successful sports professionals earn a lot more than people in other important professions. While many people think that it is unfair, a large group of people say that this is totally justified. What is your viewpoint on this issue?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.