Some people think one should stay all their life in the same job, whereas others advocate changing jobs from time to time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Businessman, skilled workers, office employee’s etc. works during their entire life to meet the financial expenses required to raise themselves and support their families. Experience and skill set they develop by working hard is unparalleled which with time results in marvels and is instrumental in the development of the society. Few people believe that one should continue with the existing employer, while others believe that switching jobs make them more competent. This essay will analyse both sides of the argument before presenting an opinion. Few people believe that it is good for the employees to continue working for their current employer throughout their life span. Proponents of this viewpoint believe that senior employees know the operations and functional nature of their job well which can be fruitful for the company. Their seniority and long term association make them entitled to incentives like gratuity, pension, extended leaves, loans and so on which can be of great value in future. Moreover, working with the same company improves employee and employer relationship and they can move through the hierarchy to attain managerial positions often reserved for credible and senior most employees. For instance, during a recession, companies retain their senior workforce and often newly hired staff ar laid off for cost cutting. Furthermore, they are settled in their existing job and switching workplace can disturb their life. There is no harm in continuing with the same job as long as the company is financially stable and an employee is getting the right exposure. On the contrary, another school of thought believes that people should switch workplace once they feel that their career path is getting saturation and they are not learning new skills. Switching jobs, especially during the early phases of career, is instrumental in getting financial boosts as the employee gets more incentives and a better salary structure. Moreover, few multinational companies prefer employees having diversified experience of working in different industries which are vital for their growth. Furthermore, companies feel that an employee is getting more dependent on them and lack the courage and required skills to explore other job opportunities which can be exploited for their own good. To recapitulate, the aforementioned provides plausible arguments in favour of both views. However, I personally believe that one should continue with the same employers as long as they get competitive salary package, exposure, training and opportunity to progress through the hierarchy to attain senior positions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: Businessman Suggested revision: Businesspeople Why it matters: The list refers generally to multiple people, so a plural noun is required.
- 2. Remove apostrophe Original: office employee’s Suggested revision: office employees Why it matters: This is a plural noun, not a possessive form.
- 3. Use precise phrase Original: financial expenses Suggested revision: living expenses Why it matters: Living expenses more naturally describes the costs of supporting oneself and a family.
- 4. Correct word choice Original: raise themselves Suggested revision: support themselves Why it matters: Adults support themselves financially rather than raise themselves.
- 5. Add article Original: Experience and skill set Suggested revision: The experience and skill set Why it matters: The specific experience and skill set described require the definite article.
- 6. Fix subject agreement Original: switching jobs make Suggested revision: switching jobs makes Why it matters: The gerund phrase functions as a singular subject.
- 7. Use natural plural Original: life span Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: Throughout their lives is the more natural expression for multiple employees.
- 8. Simplify wording Original: functional nature Suggested revision: functions Why it matters: Functions expresses the intended meaning more directly and precisely.
- 9. Correct superlative Original: senior most Suggested revision: most senior Why it matters: Most senior is the standard superlative form.
- 10. Correct spelling Original: ar laid off Suggested revision: are laid off Why it matters: The auxiliary verb are is misspelled.
- 11. Use plural object Original: switch workplace Suggested revision: switch workplaces Why it matters: The general action of changing employers is conventionally expressed with a plural object.
- 12. Correct collocation Original: getting saturation Suggested revision: reaching a plateau Why it matters: Reaching a plateau is the natural expression for career progress that has stalled.
Suggested Rewrites
- Businessman Businesspeople
- office employee’s office employees
- financial expenses living expenses
- raise themselves support themselves
- Experience and skill set The experience and skill set
- switching jobs make switching jobs makes
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear preference while addressing both approaches to employment and supporting them with several relevant practical considerations. Its main limitation is uneven language control, with frequent agreement and collocation problems alongside a single-block structure; the priority is to organise the discussion into purposeful paragraphs and express each reason in more natural, precise English.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's qualified preference is clear, with relevant reasons developed for each side.
Develop the less convincing claims, especially about employers exploiting dependency, with clearer explanation or a specific example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through the two views, but the unbroken paragraphing and repeated additive linking reduce cohesion.
Separate the introduction, each viewpoint, and the conclusion into clear paragraphs, using reference and logical progression instead of repeatedly adding Moreover or Furthermore.
Lexical Resource
A reasonably wide vocabulary supports the discussion, although several unnatural collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as career path is getting saturation and financial boosts with natural, context-specific phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but recurrent agreement, article, plural, and possessive errors weaken accuracy.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and noun forms by proofreading each clause for a clear match between its subject, verb, and determiner.