Many people think that alternative sources of energy should be utilized right now. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Since the beginning of the recorded time, people have been exploring natural resources to fulfil their needs. Has it been water, coal to burn fire and cook, crude oil to commute from one place to other, dwellers have been exploring avenues to live in; consequently these are on the verge of annihilation. Apropos of the argument, I am in consummate accord with it and I believe that people should refrain from scavenging and envisage alternative sources. This opinion is surrounded be several arguments as below.
To begin with, over exploration of soil is a threat to the environment. In other words, various exploration programs are causing depletion of soil; as a result, it has resulted in numerous global catastrophes. For an instance, as per a report from a renowned coal mining magazine, 60% of the natural catastrophes are taking due to imbalance created by mining. Thus, digging earth for minerals should be prevented as soon as possible.
In addition, utilization of coal and crude oil for generation of electricity produces harmful gases. Byproducts after burning coal and crude oil are treacherous, in particular, carbon monoxide, which is the major constituent of swelling global warming. Recently, environment scientists have confirmed in a monthly magazine that human must migrate to renewal energy sources owing to the severe level of poisonous gases such as CO, H2S, HCN in the atmosphere germinated by utilizing fossil fuels.
To conclude, extraction of earth must be prevented as soon as possible to alleviate natural disasters due to imbalance is the environment. Likewise, the human must shift their focus to renewal energy to maintain the oxygen level on the earth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrase Original: the recorded time Suggested revision: recorded history Why it matters: The standard expression is 'recorded history' when referring to the known human past.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: Apropos of the argument Suggested revision: Regarding this issue Why it matters: This wording refers to the task more directly and naturally.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: consummate accord Suggested revision: complete agreement Why it matters: 'Complete agreement' is the conventional collocation for expressing full support.
- 4. Choose precise verb Original: refrain from scavenging Suggested revision: refrain from exploiting natural resources Why it matters: 'Scavenging' does not accurately describe the extraction of natural resources here.
- 5. Express intended action Original: envisage alternative sources Suggested revision: adopt alternative energy sources Why it matters: 'Adopt' accurately expresses beginning to use alternative energy sources.
- 6. Correct passive phrase Original: surrounded be several arguments as below Suggested revision: supported by the arguments below Why it matters: The original passive construction uses the wrong preposition and verb form.
- 7. Use precise term Original: over exploration of soil Suggested revision: overexploitation of the soil Why it matters: 'Overexploitation' is the appropriate term for excessive use of a natural resource.
- 8. Fix example phrase Original: For an instance Suggested revision: For instance Why it matters: The fixed linking expression does not take an article.
- 9. Repair verb phrase Original: are taking due to Suggested revision: occur because of Why it matters: The original verb phrase is ungrammatical for describing why catastrophes happen.
- 10. Match plural reference Original: imbalance created by mining Suggested revision: imbalances created by mining Why it matters: The plural form agrees with the claimed multiple catastrophes and reads more clearly.
- 11. Add article Original: digging earth Suggested revision: digging up the earth Why it matters: This expression needs the phrasal verb 'dig up' and the definite article.
- 12. Make wording direct Original: utilization of coal and crude oil for generation of electricity Suggested revision: using coal and crude oil to generate electricity Why it matters: The verb-based phrasing is more concise and natural without changing the claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- the recorded time recorded history
- Apropos of the argument Regarding this issue
- consummate accord complete agreement
- refrain from scavenging refrain from exploiting natural resources
- envisage alternative sources adopt alternative energy sources
- surrounded be several arguments as below supported by the arguments below
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and uses a straightforward paragraph structure to present two relevant environmental reasons for switching energy sources. Its main limitation is that the supporting claims are broad, sometimes implausible, and only loosely explain how alternative energy would solve the problems, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors reduce precision. Prioritise developing each reason with accurate, specific cause-and-effect explanation in controlled, natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear agreement position is maintained, and two relevant environmental reasons are presented, but support is generalised and sometimes unconvincing.
Develop each reason with a specific, credible explanation of how adopting alternative energy would address the identified harm.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress through a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, although linking is formulaic and some claims are connected loosely.
Use cohesive devices less mechanically and make the logical relationship between each claim and its supporting explanation explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make expression unnatural and occasionally obscure.
Prioritise precise, conventional combinations such as renewable energy and fossil-fuel emissions instead of forcing unfamiliar or overly elaborate terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, and clause construction weaken control.
Build complex sentences from accurately controlled clauses and proofread systematically for articles, subject-verb agreement, and prepositions.
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