The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000, there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on the British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. What are your views on this issue?
Sample Response
In the UK, the number of cars per household has increased alarmingly in the last few decades and this is primarily due to the lower cost of automobiles today. This topic is of particular interest because car use is harmful to the environment. This essay will offer suggestions on how to decrease the cars on British roads. To begin with, in order to cut down the number of cars on the street, one suggestion is to enhance the use of different kinds of public transports. By this I mean that it is a widely known fact that cars burn fossil fuel, which is extremely harmful to the environment, and by introducing an environmentally friendly vehicle, which must be cheap and convenient in order to encourage citizens to use them, the planet can be saved. For instance, the electric tram has been used in most places in the UK to decrease the number of private cars and many people choose to travel to their work using the tram because the price is reasonable and the time is perfect. Hence, it can be seen that by encouraging the use of alternative transport the problem of an increasing number of cars might be resolved. Another suggestion is to introduce a worldwide law to command car owners. In the last decade, the price of cars has decreased dramatically, and this helps people to buy cars easily. By imposing a law to increase the price per car, for example, this might help to reduce the number of cars seeing on British roads indeed. To conclude, this essay has looked at some suggestions to tackle the problem of rising car number in the UK. Perhaps, finding another type of transportation and introducing a strong law to control car numbers are the correct actions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use measured wording Original: alarmingly Suggested revision: dramatically Why it matters: This adverb describes the scale of the increase without adding an emotional judgement.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: lower cost of automobiles today Suggested revision: lower cost of automobiles Why it matters: The present-perfect time frame already connects the change to the present, so 'today' is unnecessary.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: decrease the cars Suggested revision: reduce the number of cars Why it matters: English reduces a number or amount rather than decreasing the objects themselves in this construction.
- 4. Use uncountable transport Original: public transports Suggested revision: public transport Why it matters: 'Public transport' is normally an uncountable noun in this general sense.
- 5. Remove empty signposting Original: By this I mean that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The phrase delays the explanation without clarifying its connection to the proposal.
- 6. Use plural fuels Original: fossil fuel Suggested revision: fossil fuels Why it matters: The general category is conventionally expressed with the plural noun here.
- 7. Fix number agreement Original: an environmentally friendly vehicle Suggested revision: environmentally friendly vehicles Why it matters: The plural form agrees with the later pronoun 'them' and the general proposal.
- 8. Avoid an overstatement Original: the planet can be saved Suggested revision: environmental harm can be reduced Why it matters: This measured claim follows more logically from adopting cleaner transport.
- 9. Use standard collocation Original: travel to their work Suggested revision: travel to work Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'travel to work' without a possessive determiner.
- 10. State the meaning precisely Original: the time is perfect Suggested revision: the journey time is convenient Why it matters: 'Perfect time' is vague and unnatural for describing the duration or schedule of a journey.
- 11. Match the task wording Original: worldwide law Suggested revision: international law Why it matters: This is the conventional phrase for a law coordinated across countries.
- 12. Correct the verb choice Original: command car owners Suggested revision: regulate car ownership and use Why it matters: Laws regulate conduct or ownership rather than command the people affected.
Suggested Rewrites
- alarmingly dramatically
- lower cost of automobiles today lower cost of automobiles
- decrease the cars reduce the number of cars
- public transports public transport
- By this I mean that Delete
- fossil fuel fossil fuels
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly supports both encouraging public transport and regulating car ownership, and it provides a relevant explanation and example for each measure. However, presenting the entire essay as one paragraph weakens the visible progression, while recurrent awkward collocations and grammar reduce precision; the highest-priority improvement is to separate the introduction, each main idea, and the conclusion, then edit unnatural word choices and sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear supportive view covers both proposed measures, and each is developed with relevant reasoning and an example.
Explain more precisely how an international law would control both car ownership and use, rather than focusing mainly on purchase price.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a sensible sequence and use clear signposting, but the entire response is presented as one paragraph.
Separate the introduction, the two proposed measures, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary and some less common language, but recurrent collocational errors reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace unnatural combinations such as public transports, command car owners, and rising car number with standard collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences conveys meaning clearly, though agreement, article, participle, and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Break up long clauses and check noun forms, agreement, and participles during proofreading.
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