Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be healthy and have a balanced diet. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Promoting good health is essential for children towards his own well-being. At home, parents should teach their children about the importance of eating a balanced diet. Children ought to learn healthy lifestyle from parents and that would make a healthy nation. However, others believed that school is the best place to learn this. This essay will examine both sides of the arguments.
There is no doubt that parents have great responsibilities in their children's diet and health. First, is to make healthful food choices. Since they are the one who provide meals, it is their responsibility to ensure these meals are nutritious and healthy. Secondly, parents should encourage their children to avoid junk foods and sugary snacks during the day. Giving emphasis on what foods to be avoided and serving a variety of foods with fruits and vegetables every day.
However, a school has a lot to offer that covers many aspects of promoting a healthy lifestyle and balanced diet. Health education has always been a part of school curriculum which helped children understanding the importance of having a healthy diet and developing healthy eating habits. Children are exposed to a variety of health themes in school such as disease prevention, physical activity and nutrition to raise healthy behaviours. In addition, they have useful tools and resources offered as part of the lesson. For example, kitchen and food garden lessons at school that connects students to the healthy lifestyle. Moreover, a school has broad health topics including nutrition guidelines, physical fitness that elicits health promotion.
On balance, having considering both sides of the issues, although parents have the ultimate responsibility to their children about healthcare and balanced diet, I would agree that school is the best place to learn healthy habits and proper diet. Parents should continue encouraging their youngster to make healthy food choices while school teaches them everything how to improve children's health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Pronoun agreement Original: children towards his own Suggested revision: children's own Why it matters: Children is plural.
- 2. Missing article Original: learn healthy lifestyle Suggested revision: learn a healthy lifestyle Why it matters: Lifestyle is countable.
- 3. Tense Original: others believed Suggested revision: others believe Why it matters: This reports a current view.
- 4. Number Original: both sides of the arguments Suggested revision: both sides of the argument Why it matters: One debate is being discussed.
- 5. Agreement Original: they are the one who provide Suggested revision: they are the ones who provide Why it matters: Plural agreement is required.
- 6. Uncountable noun Original: junk foods Suggested revision: junk food Why it matters: Junk food is normally uncountable.
- 7. Sentence fragment Original: Giving emphasis on Suggested revision: They should emphasise Why it matters: The original has no finite main verb.
- 8. Verb pattern Original: helped children understanding Suggested revision: helps children understand Why it matters: Help takes a bare infinitive here.
- 9. Collocation Original: to raise healthy behaviours Suggested revision: to encourage healthy behaviour Why it matters: Encourage collocates naturally with behaviour.
- 10. Agreement Original: lessons at school that connects Suggested revision: lessons at school that connect Why it matters: Lessons is plural.
- 11. Participle form Original: having considering Suggested revision: having considered Why it matters: The perfect participle needs considered.
- 12. Plural noun Original: encouraging their youngster Suggested revision: encouraging their youngsters Why it matters: Parents generally have plural children.
Suggested Rewrites
- children towards his own children's own
- learn healthy lifestyle learn a healthy lifestyle
- others believed others believe
- both sides of the arguments both sides of the argument
- they are the one who provide they are the ones who provide
- junk foods junk food
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both views and reaches a clear opinion that schools are the best setting while parents retain an important supporting role. The discussion contains relevant examples, especially school gardens and family meal choices, but ideas sometimes become lists and grammar errors recur in fragments, agreement and clause control. Develop one mechanism per paragraph and proofread sentence completeness and subject-verb agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are developed and a clear balanced opinion is sustained, though some supporting points overlap.
Explain why schools' resources make them more effective than parents, rather than only listing resources.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, with some list-like development and mechanical linking.
Build each body paragraph around one comparative reason.
Lexical Resource
Relevant health and education vocabulary is used, despite several awkward collocations and word forms.
Use natural phrases such as healthy diet, health education and practical lessons.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures conveys meaning, but fragments and agreement errors occur regularly.
Ensure every sentence has a finite verb and check relative-clause agreement.