A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Since prehistoric era, animals have been widely used by humans and in different ways to fulfil several needs. They have provided main sources of food, clothes, transportation and other tools largely used for the well-being of humankind. Yet in the modern world, animals still offer an efficient and indispensable mean for scientists to develop killing edge vaccinations. Whether to ban the exploitation of animals in general or to continue profiting from them for the betterment of people's lives still a matter of dispute. I personally believe that animals' use in our lives should be strictly controlled.
In favour of securing the same rights as humans, some claim that animals should be treated in a moral and ethical way. They consequently require to stop slaughtering sheep and cows, for instance, simply to provision eatable meat. They additionally argue that though animals are driven by instinct rather by brain like humans, they still are living creatures and should enjoy their lives in peace.
On the other side, supporters of exploiting animals for the good of mankind evaluate their use in our lives as essential in different aspects. Firstly it is suspicious that humans may survive by merely rely on vegetable sources of food even though this is not impossible.
Secondly, it would be quite impossible to keep the pace of development in medicine, especially to counter epidemic diseases, if we restrain the scientists from experiencing on animals. However, testing each and every new drug on humans is unethical and inhuman.
To conclude, despite the unstoppable voices against the exploitation of animals, in general, it would not be easy for humans to evolve without utilising animals, however, humans should control this utilisation and regulate it firmly. Miss using animals like in circuses, zoos or illegal competitions should be completely prohibited since those activities are solely aiming fun and mere financial benefits and disregarding animals' suffering.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing article Original: Since prehistoric era Suggested revision: Since the prehistoric era Why it matters: The noun phrase needs the definite article.
- 2. Natural phrase Original: main sources of food Suggested revision: major sources of food Why it matters: Major sources is a more natural collocation.
- 3. Noun form Original: an efficient and indispensable mean Suggested revision: an efficient and indispensable means Why it matters: Means is the correct singular form in this expression.
- 4. Wrong collocation Original: killing edge vaccinations Suggested revision: cutting-edge vaccines Why it matters: The correct phrase is cutting-edge, and vaccines fits the context better.
- 5. Missing verb Original: still a matter of dispute Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The clause needs is before still a matter of dispute.
- 6. Clearer wording Original: animals' use in our lives Suggested revision: the use of animals in our lives Why it matters: This is more natural in formal writing.
- 7. Verb pattern Original: require to stop slaughtering Suggested revision: demand that people stop slaughtering Why it matters: Require to stop is not the correct pattern here.
- 8. Wrong words Original: to provision eatable meat Suggested revision: to provide edible meat Why it matters: Provide edible meat is the correct expression.
- 9. Missing phrase Original: rather by brain Suggested revision: rather than by reason Why it matters: The comparison needs than and a clearer noun.
- 10. Transition Original: On the other side Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: This is the standard contrasting linker.
- 11. Unnatural verb Original: evaluate their use in our lives as essential Suggested revision: regard their use as essential Why it matters: Regard as is a more natural collocation.
- 12. Wrong word Original: it is suspicious that humans may survive Suggested revision: it is doubtful that humans could survive Why it matters: Doubtful expresses uncertainty; suspicious means causing distrust.
Suggested Rewrites
- Since prehistoric era Since the prehistoric era
- main sources of food major sources of food
- an efficient and indispensable mean an efficient and indispensable means
- killing edge vaccinations cutting-edge vaccines
- still a matter of dispute is
- animals' use in our lives the use of animals in our lives
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses both views and gives a clear opinion that animal use should be controlled rather than banned, with relevant examples of food and research.
Develop the animal-rights side a little more before presenting the practical argument for limited use.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear, with an introduction, both sides, and conclusion, though some paragraphs are very short and linking could be smoother.
Combine or expand short body paragraphs and use clearer signposting between food, research, and entertainment uses.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is quite varied and topic-specific, but some word choices are inaccurate or awkward.
Refine collocations such as cutting-edge vaccines, edible meat, rely on vegetable sources, conduct experiments on animals, and misuse animals.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a reasonable range of structures, but errors in articles, verb patterns, and clauses sometimes interrupt fluency.
Check missing verbs, prepositions, and gerund forms after by, from, and restrain.