Some people believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor, while others disagree and say that it is helping reduce the gap. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Opinions vary regarding the impact of modern technology on the socio-economic gap between affluent and impoverished individuals. While some contend that technological advancements are reducing disparities, others argue that they further exacerbate the divide. From my standpoint, technology tends to escalate the gap between the rich and the poor due to various reasons, primarily the unequal access to and utilization of technology.
Advocates of technology's role in diminishing the wealth gap argue that advancements provide broader access to information and opportunities. For instance, internet connectivity and e-learning platforms offer educational resources to underprivileged communities, potentially enabling them to acquire skills for better job prospects. Similarly, technological innovation in microfinance and online entrepreneurship might facilitate economic empowerment for marginalized populations.
Conversely, the proliferation of technology predominantly benefits the affluent, perpetuating the wealth gap. Wealthier individuals have superior access to cutting-edge technology, leading to better education, healthcare, and employment opportunities. This unequal distribution of resources widens the economic chasm between the rich and the poor. For instance, the digital divide persists in many developing regions, hindering equal access to quality education and job opportunities for disadvantaged populations.
In my opinion, technology tends to widen the socio-economic gap due to its uneven distribution and utilisation. While it offers prospects for advancement, the unequal access to resources and opportunities exacerbates existing disparities. The disproportionate technological access between the rich and the poor perpetuates socio-economic inequality rather than mitigating it.
In conclusion, while technology can provide avenues for socio-economic upliftment, its unequal distribution and utilisation aggravate the wealth gap. Bridging this gap requires addressing the disparities in access and ensuring equitable technological distribution to harness its potential for all strata of society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise contrast Original: socio-economic gap between affluent and impoverished individuals Suggested revision: socio-economic divide between wealthy and low-income individuals Why it matters: The replacement expresses the contrast more directly while retaining the original groups.
- 2. Simplify the stance Original: From my standpoint Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: The shorter expression states the writer's position in a natural academic register.
- 3. Fix the collocation Original: technology tends to escalate the gap Suggested revision: technology tends to widen the gap Why it matters: A social or economic gap is normally said to widen rather than escalate.
- 4. Remove redundant phrasing Original: due to various reasons, primarily Suggested revision: mainly because of Why it matters: The replacement avoids combining a vague plural reference with a single primary cause.
- 5. Keep spelling consistent Original: utilization Suggested revision: utilisation Why it matters: The essay later uses British spelling, so this form keeps the convention consistent.
- 6. Clarify the viewpoint Original: technology's role in diminishing the wealth gap Suggested revision: the view that technology can narrow the wealth gap Why it matters: This wording makes clear that the paragraph presents an argued possibility rather than an established role.
- 7. Specify the advances Original: advancements provide broader access Suggested revision: technological advances provide wider access Why it matters: Repeating the subject explicitly avoids the vague standalone noun "advancements."
- 8. Use neutral wording Original: underprivileged communities Suggested revision: disadvantaged communities Why it matters: The replacement describes unequal circumstances in a more neutral and precise way.
- 9. Use formal phrasing Original: better job prospects Suggested revision: improved employment prospects Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same outcome in a more precise academic register.
- 10. Make the effect direct Original: might facilitate economic empowerment for marginalized populations Suggested revision: might help marginalised populations gain economic independence Why it matters: The revision replaces an abstract nominal phrase with a clearer description of the intended benefit.
- 11. Connect parallel benefits Suggested revision: Link the microfinance and online-entrepreneurship sentence more explicitly to the preceding shift from educational access to economic opportunity. Why it matters: The paragraph moves between two distinct benefits, but the current transition only signals similarity rather than the change in focus.
- 12. Position the example Suggested revision: Place the digital-divide example directly after the access claim, then close the paragraph with the resulting economic divide. Why it matters: This order would keep evidence beside the claim it illustrates and create a clearer claim-example-consequence progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- socio-economic gap between affluent and impoverished individuals socio-economic divide between wealthy and low-income individuals
- From my standpoint In my view
- technology tends to escalate the gap technology tends to widen the gap
- due to various reasons, primarily mainly because of
- utilization utilisation
- technology's role in diminishing the wealth gap the view that technology can narrow the wealth gap
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay addresses both perspectives directly and sustains a clear opinion, with especially strong explanation of how unequal access reinforces advantage. Its main limitation is repetition: the separate opinion paragraph largely restates the preceding argument and conclusion rather than adding analysis. The highest priority is to deepen the causal comparison between technology’s inclusive potential and the conditions that prevent it, then integrate the personal judgement without duplicating points.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are relevantly developed with examples, and a clear opinion is stated and maintained throughout the response.
Deepen the comparison by explaining why the benefits of education, microfinance, and entrepreneurship remain insufficient when access is unequal.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear thematic paragraphs and logical progression, although the opinion paragraph repeats ideas from the preceding body paragraph and conclusion.
Integrate the personal evaluation into the two discussion paragraphs or use the opinion paragraph to add a distinct comparative judgement.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range of topic vocabulary conveys complex ideas effectively, with only occasional slightly strained combinations.
Prefer natural collocations such as widen the gap and equitable access to technology instead of escalate the gap and technological distribution.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and communication consistently clear.
Polish parallel structures around access to and use of technology so the strongest sentences are consistently concise as well as accurate.
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