Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Which one do you agree with? Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Currently, what we should do in leisure time for the well-being has been a matter of public attention in this contemporary life. It is believed that doing some leisure activities will enhance people’s frame of mind. Diametrically, opposed to this, some people put forward the idea that the rest will be good for our mind. As far as I am convinced that the former opinion should receive more support.
Central to this idea is the argument that for most people, the benefit of spending spare time for doing some recreational activities, such as reading and doing word puzzle is to promote brain’s ability, which will enable them to become more intellectual and brilliant. The key explanation to this could be that evidence in favour of playing puzzles and answering IQ quizzes is found in much research which reveals that these activities will boost human mindset effectively and logically.
Another noticeable justification is that leisure pursuits such as reading books and writing diary or novel will drive people further toward enriching their horizon and knowledge as well as cultivating their critical thinking. For example, in some developed countries, the governments have encouraged their citizens in creating the reading habit by establishing public libraries and e-libraries with a mixed variety of books.
It is also true that refreshing mind by rest is particularly important for people’s living, which can make it possible for human to relax and unwind after long working time. If we do not pay enough attention to rest and sleep, it will be likely to make us feel exhausted and irritable. However, leisure activities are more important for most people.
To recapitulate, the main advantage of spending spare time for doing leisure pursuits is to improve our frame of mind and thus make us develop IQ ability well. Meanwhile unwinding after hard work and study is not crushed aside.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural phrase Original: for the well-being Suggested revision: for our well-being Why it matters: The phrase needs a clear possessor.
- 2. Wordy phrase Original: this contemporary life Suggested revision: modern life Why it matters: Modern life is more natural and concise.
- 3. Awkward linker Original: Diametrically, opposed to this Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The original phrase is incorrectly punctuated and too heavy.
- 4. Article error Original: the rest will be good Suggested revision: rest will be good Why it matters: Rest is used generally here and does not need the.
- 5. Wrong phrase Original: As far as I am convinced Suggested revision: I am convinced Why it matters: As far as does not fit this opinion statement.
- 6. Verb pattern Original: the benefit of spending spare time for doing Suggested revision: the benefit of spending spare time doing Why it matters: Spend time is followed directly by a gerund.
- 7. Plural example Original: word puzzle Suggested revision: word puzzles Why it matters: The task gives this as a general plural example.
- 8. Unnatural collocation Original: promote brain’s ability Suggested revision: improve cognitive ability Why it matters: This is a more precise academic phrase.
- 9. Wrong collocation Original: boost human mindset Suggested revision: improve mental agility Why it matters: Mindset is not the right noun for puzzle-solving ability.
- 10. Articles missing Original: writing diary or novel Suggested revision: writing a diary or a novel Why it matters: Diary and novel are singular countable nouns here.
- 11. Article and wording Original: refreshing mind by rest Suggested revision: refreshing the mind through rest Why it matters: The mind needs an article, and through is more natural here.
- 12. Wrong expression Original: not crushed aside Suggested revision: not being dismissed Why it matters: Crushed aside is not a natural expression for this idea.
Suggested Rewrites
- for the well-being for our well-being
- this contemporary life modern life
- Diametrically, opposed to this By contrast
- the rest will be good rest will be good
- As far as I am convinced I am convinced
- the benefit of spending spare time for doing the benefit of spending spare time doing
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses both mental-improvement activities and rest, with a clear preference for active leisure, but the rest view is shorter and the conclusion is slightly unclear.
Give the rest view a fuller explanation and finish with a clear sentence explaining why mental activities are more valuable overall.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and ideas generally progress, though some linking expressions are overformal or inaccurate.
Use simpler transitions and make each paragraph's main claim direct before adding examples.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of vocabulary, but many collocations are unnatural or inflated, especially around mind, IQ, and leisure.
Use natural phrases such as mental well-being, cognitive ability, broaden knowledge, and relax the mind.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses complex sentences, but errors in clause structure, articles, plural forms, and word forms appear regularly.
Shorten long sentences and check noun forms after expressions such as such as, the benefit of, and make us.