The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.
Sample Response
Nowadays, youngsters are engaging in delinquent activities, which cause pressure on societypressure in the society. It can be ascribed to the lack of parental supervision and negative peer influencethe negative influences of peers. However, this social problem can be tackled by employers and parentsthe employers and parents. Primarily, it is often saidPrimarily, is it often said that youngsters may turn to viceopt to negative vices if parents do not monitor their activities. Evidently, there are parents who have a hectic schedule at workin their workplace, thus neglecting the responsibilities towardsto their children. Because of inadequate guidance, these youngsters may socialisethese youngsters socialise with other people in their communitypeople in the society. For instance, in school, children form relationships with their friendsdevelop a relationship with their friends as it is considered their second home. A group of friends shares the same habits and passions such as using illegal substancesventuring to illegal substances and criminal behaviours. It might be their way to retaliate againstto their parents, who do not spend time with them. These children may feeleel resentment due to the fact that they might have the feeling of being unloved and unwanted. Therefore, they will perform nefarious actions so that they can gainsuch that they will gain the attention of their parents, and make them regretful for being preoccupied with their workpreoccupied to their employment. However, it can never be denied that this social dilemma can be addressed by the parents and the employers. First of all, parents can give more attention to their children by having a weekly family outing to different places. For example, they could eat together in a luxurious restaurant or watch a movie in order to regain the aloof relationship. These parents can show to their children that they are important despite their busy schedule. Secondly, employers can curtail the employment hours of those employees who have children. As a result, these workers can spend more time with their children. To conclude, there is an escalation of crimes conducted by youngsters, who lack parental supervisionhave a lacking in supervision from their parents. Nevertheless, it is apparent that managers can help those employees, who have children, to allocate more time to their family. It is very likely that frequent family bonding can eradicate the negative behaviours of their children.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in presenting a clear central explanation and offering practical actions involving parents and employers. Its main limitation is that peer influence is not developed distinctly, while several causal claims become speculative or repetitive and the absence of paragraphing weakens readability. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the reasons and solutions into separate paragraphs, then support each with a direct, credible explanation using more natural grammar and collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses causes and solutions with relevant ideas, but peer influence receives limited independent development and some supporting claims are implausible or overextended.
Develop each stated cause separately and ensure every proposed solution responds directly and realistically to that cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly clear sequence from causes to solutions, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph and using mechanical transitions weakens organisation.
Divide the essay into clear introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion paragraphs, with each paragraph centred on one controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably wide vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Prioritise accurate combinations such as 'turn to crime', 'use illegal substances', and 'rebuild a distant relationship' over unnecessarily elaborate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a mix of simple and complex structures, but recurring errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause formation are noticeable throughout.
Review sentence structure and common verb-preposition patterns, especially in longer sentences where grammatical control is least reliable.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.