There is a good deal of evidence that increasing car use is contributing to global warming and having other undesirable effects on people’s health and well-being. What can be done to discourage people from using their cars?
Sample Response
It is evident that the mass car ownership is associated with several environmental and health issues, including global warming, lung cancer, and anxiety. Although the convenience of possessing a car has made it almost an inexorable trend, there are measures that governments can take to discourage unnecessary car use.
The first, and also the most effective measure could be to make it expensive to own and use a car. This measure can be implemented by taxing heavily on initial car purchasing, congested roads using, and petrol consuming. By doing so, people might start considering reducing their car use, especially for the unnecessary trips. However, there is a drawback of this approach that it is often the poorer residents will suffer from the increased cost. The poor might have to cut some necessary trips because of the financial burden, whereas the rich ones would be able to maintain their convenience from car use. Therefore, this measure may be effective, but not fair to the poor.
Another way to discourage people from using their cars is to encourage them using alternative transports, such as trains, buses, and bicycles. Evidence has shown that cities, such as Tokyo and Paris, where better public transport systems are offered, car use rates are lower and roads are less congested. People will only be most willing to use public transports when they are almost or even more convenience than driving their cars. Therefore, governments could invest more in infrastructure and transport system design and construction in order to provide adequate and competitive alternatives.
To conclude, increasing the cost of having and using a car could be an effective way to reduce the car use. However, improving and encouraging the use of public transports could be the better and more sustainable way to achieve this goal.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: the mass car ownership Suggested revision: mass car ownership Why it matters: The abstract mass noun phrase does not take “the” in this general statement.
- 2. Use a natural description Original: almost an inexorable trend Suggested revision: an almost inevitable trend Why it matters: “Inevitable trend” is the natural collocation for a development that is difficult to prevent.
- 3. Remove unnecessary commas Original: The first, and also the most effective measure Suggested revision: The first and most effective measure Why it matters: The coordinated adjectives do not need to be separated by commas here.
- 4. Use a formal phrase Original: make it expensive to own and use a car Suggested revision: increase the cost of owning and using a car Why it matters: The revision states the proposed measure more precisely and formally.
- 5. Correct the tax construction Original: taxing heavily on initial car purchasing Suggested revision: heavily taxing car purchases Why it matters: “Tax” takes the object directly, and “car purchases” is the natural noun phrase.
- 6. Correct the noun phrase Original: congested roads using Suggested revision: driving on congested roads Why it matters: The gerund phrase clearly identifies the activity that would be taxed.
- 7. Use the noun form Original: petrol consuming Suggested revision: petrol consumption Why it matters: The list requires a noun phrase parallel to the other taxable activities.
- 8. Remove the article Original: the unnecessary trips Suggested revision: unnecessary trips Why it matters: The trips are discussed generally, so the definite article is not needed.
- 9. Use the plural form Original: the increased cost Suggested revision: the increased costs Why it matters: The paragraph describes several separate taxes and associated expenses.
- 10. Use respectful wording Original: the rich ones Suggested revision: wealthier residents Why it matters: The revision is more precise and maintains the comparison with poorer residents.
- 11. Correct the collocation Original: maintain their convenience from car use Suggested revision: retain the convenience of car use Why it matters: “Convenience of” is the appropriate construction for the benefit obtained from using cars.
- 12. Use the infinitive Original: encourage them using Suggested revision: encourage them to use Why it matters: The verb pattern is “encourage someone to do something.”
Suggested Rewrites
- the mass car ownership mass car ownership
- almost an inexorable trend an almost inevitable trend
- The first, and also the most effective measure The first and most effective measure
- make it expensive to own and use a car increase the cost of owning and using a car
- taxing heavily on initial car purchasing heavily taxing car purchases
- congested roads using driving on congested roads
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers the question directly with two practical measures, explains how each could work, and thoughtfully acknowledges the fairness problem with higher motoring costs. Its progression is clear and the conclusion establishes a sensible priority, but recurring grammatical and collocational errors make otherwise mature ideas sound awkward. Focus first on accurate verb patterns, countability, and natural policy-related phrasing while preserving the strong development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Two relevant solutions are clearly presented and developed, including useful consideration of effectiveness, fairness, and sustainability.
Add a little more detail about how public transport investment would specifically persuade current drivers to change behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear four-paragraph progression, and each main paragraph maintains a distinct and logically connected focus.
Streamline a few long sentences so qualifications and examples connect more smoothly to their main claims.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but repeated errors in collocation, word form, and countability reduce precision.
Use natural forms such as 'taxing car purchases', 'using congested roads', 'fuel consumption', and 'public transport'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex structures is attempted and meaning remains clear, although errors in articles, verb patterns, comparisons, and clause construction recur.
Practise gerund and infinitive patterns and edit complex sentences for complete clause structures and accurate comparatives.