In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
Traditional festivals and cultural celebrations are on the verge of disappearance in many parts of the world even though they have a paramount importance to the uniqueness of a country and a group of people. Globalisation, less adherence to the traditional ways of life and technological developments, in my opinion, are the main reasons for this great shift and I believe that patriotism and respect for someone's own cultural aspects could be the answer to this problem. To begin with, the New Year eve, Halloween, etc. western ceremonies have become more popular these days than the traditional festivals in many countries. For instance, in many Asian countries, the new Year are more prominent celebration than their century-old festivals. Globalisation, the internet and satellite TV channels have made a lasting impression on young to accept foreign cultures even more. No doubt the traditional ways of life no longer have an appeal to the modern generation and thus they have inclined to accept global culture over their own ones. In regards to preventing this development, parents and teachers should teach the younger students the value of their own culture. There is nothing wrong in knowing about the foreign culture but when they become our main culture, the problems arise. As the citizen of a country, we must not forget our history, tradition and culture. Thus the patriotic feelings should be nurtured to be even better citizens and prevent the detrimental effects of alien cultures. Moreover, more chapters on academic syllabus should be dedicated to teaching the students about our true identity, cultural aspects and traditions. This will create a sense of respect and adherence to our own culture. To conclude, each tradition has its own set of traditional occasions and events which should be more emphasised than the foreign traditions. Building up an acute sense of patriotism and respect for our own culture is required to save our true cultural identity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Collocation Original: have a paramount importance Suggested revision: are of paramount importance Why it matters: This is the correct collocation.
- 2. Natural phrase Original: someone's own cultural aspects Suggested revision: one's own cultural heritage Why it matters: Cultural heritage is more precise here.
- 3. Article use Original: the New Year eve Suggested revision: New Year's Eve Why it matters: This is the standard name of the celebration.
- 4. Avoid etc. Original: etc. western ceremonies Suggested revision: and other Western ceremonies Why it matters: This is clearer and more formal.
- 5. Agreement Original: the new Year are Suggested revision: New Year is Why it matters: The singular event needs is and standard capitalisation.
- 6. Article needed Original: more prominent celebration Suggested revision: a more prominent celebration Why it matters: The singular noun phrase needs an article.
- 7. Missing noun Original: made a lasting impression on young Suggested revision: made a lasting impression on young people Why it matters: Young needs a noun here.
- 8. Verb phrase Original: they have inclined to accept Suggested revision: they have become inclined to accept Why it matters: The phrase needs become before inclined.
- 9. Set phrase Original: In regards to Suggested revision: With regard to Why it matters: With regard to is the standard formal phrase.
- 10. General plural Original: As the citizen of a country Suggested revision: As citizens of a country Why it matters: The sentence refers to people generally.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: academic syllabus Suggested revision: the school curriculum Why it matters: Curriculum is more natural for school content.
- 12. Avoid repetition Original: each tradition has its own set of traditional occasions Suggested revision: each culture has its own set of traditional occasions Why it matters: This avoids repeating tradition unnecessarily.
Suggested Rewrites
- have a paramount importance are of paramount importance
- someone's own cultural aspects one's own cultural heritage
- the New Year eve New Year's Eve
- etc. western ceremonies and other Western ceremonies
- the new Year are New Year is
- more prominent celebration a more prominent celebration
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both causes and measures, with clear ideas about globalisation, declining traditional lifestyles, education, and cultural respect. Some measures are general and the discussion would benefit from more concrete actions.
Add one practical measure, such as funding local festivals or including community celebrations in school programmes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical overall sequence, but it is presented as one long paragraph. Internal progression is still understandable, yet the lack of paragraphing limits clarity and reader control.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is quite varied, including disappearance, paramount importance, globalisation, adherence, patriotic feelings, and cultural identity. Some collocations are awkward or too strong.
Choose more natural academic phrases, such as cultural heritage, local traditions, foreign media, and preserve identity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is used with generally clear meaning. There are recurring errors with articles, subject-verb agreement, prepositions, and sentence boundaries.
Proofread noun phrases and check agreement in clauses with plural subjects such as ceremonies and festivals.