In recent years terrorism in Pakistan has increased. What are the possible causes and solutions to this?
Sample Response
Terrorism is now a worldwide phenomenon. It has spread its ugly tentacles over many countries – Pakistan is one of them. It seems like the entire mankind is living under the shadow of fear.
At present, it’s the gravest problem faced by Pakistan. It shows its ugly head in face of kidnapping, assassination of prominent personalities, bomb blasts, target killing and indiscriminate shooting down of innocent people.
The root causes of escalated terrorism are numerous – illiteracy, poverty, unemployment, wrong interpretations of Islamic concepts like Jihad, and huge inequality and disparity among the society. There are some other sources which state that it’s a repercussion of proxy war in Afghanistan, or it’s supported and funded by foreign agencies to destabilise Pakistan, in order to capture its nukes. Pakistan is a heterogeneous society where sectarianism, religious fanaticism, and intolerance are some other root causes.
Terrorist’s attitude shows that they do not believe in negotiations. So it’s important to tackle them with iron hands because terrorism is destroying our society at every level whether it’s political, social, economic, or psychological. It does not only obstruct economic development but now people are even intimidated into leaving their homes. Overall, society is bearing a high level of fear, stress and insecurity.
It’s difficult to hunt them down as they keep changing their hideouts. But if we want to combat terrorism the government must try to bridge the gulf of disparity among all provinces, promote education and employment and built infrastructure. The government also needs to clearly state its policies to deal with terrorists and anti-terrorism squads and agencies along with society must work together to eradicate this menace.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Overdramatic image Original: ugly tentacles Suggested revision: destructive influence Why it matters: A more formal phrase suits academic writing.
- 2. Article error Original: the entire mankind Suggested revision: all mankind Why it matters: Do not use “the” in this expression.
- 3. Informal image Original: It shows its ugly head Suggested revision: It appears Why it matters: This is more formal.
- 4. Preposition phrase Original: in face of kidnapping Suggested revision: in the form of kidnapping Why it matters: Use the standard phrase.
- 5. Precise noun Original: wrong interpretations Suggested revision: misinterpretations Why it matters: A single noun is more concise.
- 6. Preposition error Original: among the society Suggested revision: within society Why it matters: Use “within society”.
- 7. Formal style Original: it’s a repercussion Suggested revision: it is a repercussion Why it matters: Avoid contractions in formal essays.
- 8. Informal word Original: capture its nukes Suggested revision: seize its nuclear weapons Why it matters: Use formal wording.
- 9. Plural possessive Original: Terrorist’s attitude Suggested revision: Terrorists’ attitude Why it matters: The sentence refers to terrorists in general.
- 10. Idiom issue Original: with iron hands Suggested revision: firmly Why it matters: The idiom is too forceful and awkward.
- 11. Verb form Original: built infrastructure Suggested revision: build infrastructure Why it matters: Use the base verb after “must”.
- 12. Measured tone Original: eradicate this menace Suggested revision: reduce this threat Why it matters: This is more policy-focused.
Suggested Rewrites
- ugly tentacles destructive influence
- the entire mankind all mankind
- It shows its ugly head It appears
- in face of kidnapping in the form of kidnapping
- wrong interpretations misinterpretations
- among the society within society
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the causes-and-solutions task with relevant causes and practical responses, though several points are listed rather than fully developed.
Choose the strongest causes and explain how each leads to terrorism before matching solutions to them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and progression follows a problem-cause-effect-solution structure.
Use fewer list-like sentences and add explicit cause-effect links.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is strong and topic-appropriate, but some dramatic or informal phrases reduce academic precision.
Replace emotional imagery with specific political, social, and economic terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is usually accurate, but possessives, articles, verb forms, and prepositions need local correction.
Review possessive forms and base verbs after modal structures.